Frequently Asked Questions

Questions About Sex and Sacred Sex (Tantric & Taoist)

Q.	Can the non-ejaculatory orgasm from Tantric sex be dangerous?
Ans.	There is no danger, but you may experience some discomfort in your prostate. This is because the hot sexual energy is building up a pressure there faster than you are able to move it up through the rest of your body. As you learn to move the energy away from your prostate and circulate it up through the rest of your body you will not have this problem. Until you learn to do that, allow yourself to ejaculate whenever your prostate becomes sore. If you try to be a tough guy and hold back the ejaculation even when you are uncomfortable you could cause problems for the prostate if you did that for many months in a row.

Q.	We've heard that Tantra teaches the male not to ejaculate because of the energy loss. I guess we will never really be able to accept the total lack of ejaculation. I read and hear so little in Tantra about the enormous reward and gift ejaculation is and can be. It is so special for a woman to feel and enjoy the ejaculation of her partner. Feeling this bundle of energy and force explode like a million stars inside me makes me want to be a Tantra rebel with a good cause. What if the semen is collected in a glass and drunk by the male, or contained in my mouth after oral sex and then shared with my husband? A few members of our regular group are using these methods and seem happy with them and report no weakness, energy loss or reduced life appetite. Can swallowing my husbands semen at all affect the life-force/character of our unborn baby, due in almost 5 months? And how long before birth should we stop having Tantra sex. Should we only use special positions?
Ans.	It's perfectly fine to enjoy ejaculation - both for the man and the woman. Many Tantricas do not delay ejaculation longer than a single lovemaking session. Much of the emphasis for ejaculation delay past a single lovemaking session comes from Taoist practice where it is intended as a health benefit, particularly as a man ages. The point to remember is to build your sexual energy and move it through your body and your lover's for divine connection and mystical experience. For men, it is often easier to do this by delaying ejaculation. We consider it to be a personal preference and encourage men to experiment with delaying ejaculation only during one session and delaying it for longer periods and then doing what they find most beneficial. Many, but not all, of the men we've worked with find they have more stamina and desire and sexual energy to work with if they delay their ejaculation over a period of time. Al prefers to do this–but he certainly does enjoy an ejaculation when he does have one–and we make a celebration of it, after all it is a "fountain of life". Many body fluids are considered to have healthful and energetic properties: saliva, secretions from a woman's breasts, her yoni fluids, woman's ejaculate as well as men's ejaculate. So enjoy and share all of them as you make love. By the way you may be interested to know that a recent study by the State University of New York found that women who were directly exposed to semen were less depressed than women whose partners used condoms. Researchers think this is because mood-altering hormones in semen are absorbed through the vagina. Isn't it interesting that modern science is agreeing with what ancient sacred sex practices already know! Collecting the semen and drinking it recovers a very small percentage of the energy lost in the ejaculation. There is some energy gain for the one who orally consumes the semen. Some of that gain could transfer to the unborn fetus. Certainly there would be no harm. There is also a substantial energy gain by absorption through the vagina for the woman when ejaculation takes place there. But there is no avoiding the considerable drain on energy that happens with ejaculation and this gets more serious with advancing age for the male. You can have sex up until the actual birth, providing you are experiencing a normal pregnancy without any complications. Any position that does not place pressure on the woman's stomach is acceptable. The baby should benefit from the love and sexual energy generated by lovemaking. A really important element is your fitness level - do lots of walking and of course many pc squeezes!

Q.	My question deals primarily with an attempt to better understand the girl I love, and perhaps myself, as well. Early on in our relationship, my girlfriend would often tell me of how she gets what she calls "butterflies" whenever we would hold hands, kiss or any such thing. I assumed that by butterflies, she meant the general feeling of happiness and contentment that we felt when around each other. But one day, she asked me very plainly whether I felt these butterflies, too. It was shortly thereafter that I realized that, aside from happiness and contentment, she was feeling a very physical sensation that I knew I did not share. She described it as being similar to what one feels when going down a steep hill or on a theme park ride, but obviously more sexual in nature and, depending on her level of arousal, more intense. When I told her I felt no such thing, she was genuinely surprised and perplexed. It's apparent that this feeling is an early stage, so to speak, of orgasm. What's confusing to me is that she can feel fairly strong sensations of pleasure when I simply touch her or look at her. She says she often gets these butterflies when she just thinks about me. We are both virgins and committed to abstinence until marriage, so we're not about to experiment in any way. I would just like to know how this works, and if it's normal that I don't feel the tangible pleasure she does. Is it true that women can feel more intense pleasure and for longer just by thinking about it than men can by stimulating themselves physically? Is this nature's way of balancing the burdens of birth, menstruation, and the plethora of other hardships women face? We patiently await your answer.
Ans.	There's lots of great stuff going on between your girlfriend and you! Here's a couple of simple explanations of what she's experiencing and some ways that you can learn to feel more as well. Really great sex isn't just physical, it's also emotional and energetic. Human beings aren't just a solid physical body, they're an energy body as well. Eastern medical and spiritual practice is based on this understanding, for instance, acupuncture and acupressure, Reiki and therapeutic touch, Qi Gong, Feng shui, martial arts like Karate, all work with 'energy'. Some people have an easier time feeling their energy bodies and tuning in to the flow of energy through their system–I bet your girlfriend is one. You can experiment with building and sensing energy in your own system with this simple exercise: Focus all your attention on your dominant hand Allow sensations to build in your hand as you focus on it (you may feel tingling or heat) When you feel sensation in your hand put your attention into your shoulder, then into other parts of your body and see if you can experience that sensation moving from one spot to the next When you learn to work with energy in your own system you can learn to share it with another (either sexually or non-sexually) Women have erogenous zones all over their bodies, while men's sexual excitement tends to be primarily genitally focused. You can extend your erotic zones by this simple practice. When you are masturbating, leave one hand on your genitals and use your other hand to touch other parts of your body–gently trace your fingers around your nipples, place your hand on your heart center (in the center of your chest–this will help connect lust with love), put your fingers in your mouth, stroke your inner thighs, and so on. If you want to learn about working with your sexual energy, our ebook "Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Multiple Orgasms" will show you the way. You can learn the techniques on your own, then, when you're ready to consummate your marriage you'll be able to do so with confidence and skill. You can check it out here: http://www.tantra-sex.com/EjaculationMastery.html We also have an ebook for women, called "Awakening Women's Orgasm" that will help your girlfriend learn about all the pleasure she can experience as well: http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html If ebooks aren't your style, then our print book "Soul Sex: Tantra for Two" will give you great preparation for an amazing sexual life and a great relationship. Check it out at Amazon.com by following this link: http://www.tantra-sex.com/recommends/SoulSexAmazonUSA

Q.	Is there any danger in consuming (swallowing) the secretions released during lovemaking, such as the male and female ejaculate and the menstrual blood?
Ans.	Swallowing the fluids secreted by the penis and vagina during lovemaking (male and female ejaculate, and menstrual blood) would not normally be dangerous, and in fact may have important benefits. There is a long history of consuming the bodily secretions from sexual activity to elevate the level of energy and vitality, to boost the immune system, and to awaken the higher spiritual centers. Also, many lovers find it a noticeable erotic turn on to consume the fluids. Tantra practitioners often create sensual/sexual ceremonies and rituals that include consuming the erotic fluids. Of course, these comments assume that both partners are free of any sexually transmitted diseases. There are some sexually transmitted diseases that can be passed from one partner to the other by contact with the genitals and the mouth.

Q.	I have this problem anytime I wanna have sex with this girl. I do all the things I have to do to rev her up and she responds up to the point where she wants it, and badly too, but then when it’s time to go in, it just won’t go in. I mean she’s so tight down there and I really don't wanna hurt her, so I always stop. Even though we're both on the edge and she wants it hot. FYI, she’s not a virgin, and I’m not that terribly big down there either.
Ans.	There could be a number of reasons why penetration is difficult. Here's a couple of suggestions. First of all, is she really, really ready? You can tell because she'll be very wet. Besides being well lubricated, her vagina will also begin to expand when she's very excited. If she's not very wet, chances are she isn't as excited as she could be before penetration. Try some more loving foreplay. Gentle oral sex works wonders to excite and please a woman, and can bring her to orgasm before there's any penetration at all. Make sure she's not just saying she's ready in order to please you. Secondly, maybe she is thoroughly excited but is unconsciously tensing her vaginal muscles. Some women have learned to clench their vaginal muscles in order to reach orgasm. Others have had some sexual trauma or abuse in the past that causes them to tighten up when it's time for intercourse. Help her to relax. Let her know it's not just about "getting in there" for you. Experiment with genital massage to help her learn to relax her vaginal muscles. Get some good quality lubricant and very gently and very slowly massage her inner thighs, her groin creases, and then progress to her outer lips, her inner lips, and her clitoris. Ask her permission to slip a finger inside her and then with exquisitely slow movements slowly circle your finger around the inside of her vagina, moving deeper and deeper inside. Ask her how much pressure she wants you to apply. Take lots and lots of time. Ask her to relax her body, look deep into her eyes, tell her how great she is and how much you like doing this for her. Lastly, I'm sure you're using condoms and so you might need some additional lubricant to ensure a smooth entry. Buy the best you can afford. Refer to our webpage for some suggestions. Follow this link:http://www.tantra-sex.com/ep6.html

Q.	What I am still really confused on, like I'm sure almost every male, is about the g-spot. I believe what I was touching was just the clitoris, even though I think she thought it was her g-spot. It is up at the top of the lips, but in just a little bit, maybe a 1/2 inch but not more than an inch. Do you think I'm wrong or she is?
Ans.	Here is a diagram showing the g-spot. Note the finger is inserted inside the vagina 1/2 to 1 1/2 inches and touches the upper wall of the vagina. I you are facing the vagina and looking at it as if it were a clock, the g-spot is inside the vaginal opening at somewhere between 11:00 and 1:00. http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/uploads/Image/gspot.jpg Here are a couple of good web sites. http://www.addenbrookes.org.uk/shac/normal/female/fe_anat.html http://www.vulvodynia.com.au/anatomy/diagram.html http://mama.indstate.edu/users/nizrael/grafenberg.html

Q.	I am 25 years old with 2 kids. I am in a 2 year relationship and faithful, but I have no sex drive. I love him very much but never want to have sex and it is ruining my relationship. Is there anything I can do to get my sex drive back?
Ans.	There can be many issues involved affecting your sex drive. Are your and your lover's sexual knowledge and skill at a high school level or have you continued to learn about a mature adult sexuality? If improvements in knowledge and skill are in order, talk about undertaking a learning process to enable you both to grow in this vitally important life area. Consider any of the many wonderful, books, videos, and workshops now widely available. Have you been sexually abused? If so, this poses a significant barrier to sexual intimacy in the present. Seek coaching, counseling or therapeutic help to deal with any issues related to the abuse. Consult your physician to determine if there are any organic health issues involved, drug interactions, or imbalances in hormones that may be causing the problem. If none of the above are relevant, try aphrodisiacs. We have an excellent online guide to aphrodisiacs for you to consult. http://www.tantra-sex.com/aphrodisiac2a.html http://www.tantra-sex.com/aphrodisiac2b.html

Q.	How can I know that she is totally satisfied with our sexual intercourse? I need some physical indicators.
Ans.	First of all, to really enjoy and be totally satisfied with intercourse, your lover needs to be thoroughly ready for it. That means it's important to spend lots of time kissing and caressing her, telling her how wonderful and beautiful she is, and exciting and pleasing her all over her body before there's any penetration. You might manually or orally stimulate her clitoris to bring her to orgasm or very close to it before you slip your penis into her vagina. Ideally, you'd like her to be aching for you to be inside her. When she's really ready her vagina will be quite wet and the tissues will be swollen (women have as much erectile tissue as men, but it's mostly all inside — the more excited she gets the more her vagina will swell and expand). You may also be able to see a change in color of her genital tissues, as more blood flows there from excitement. If she's enjoying intercourse, she'll likely be moving her body with yours, matching your rhythms. She may make sounds (actually it's a good idea to make sound during lovemaking–it will help her let go of control and will also move her sexual energy), her breathing will be more rapid, her skin may flush or darken, her nipples will probably be erect. Orgasms come in many different forms and can occur all over a woman's body. They can be tiny little shivers or great wracking waves of pleasure. They can be located primarily in the clitoris, or in the vagina, or in her breasts, or spread throughout her body. Most women learn first to have orgasms through clitoral stimulation, they can also learn to have orgasms during intercourse. Often it helps to be stimulating her clitoris while you're having intercourse–either you or she can be rubbing her clitoris. Our ebook Awakening Women's Orgasm gives you lots of great tips. I'd also suggest you have a relaxed discussion about what pleases her sexually. Ask her to let you know what turns her on. Talk about things you'd like to try together.

Q.	What is a yoni massage?
Ans.	Instructions for a yoni massage (yoni is the Tantric term for female genitals). The Yoni massage, or female genital massage, brings healing and emotional opening. Your intention is not arousal, or orgasm, although these may well occur, but rather to help your lover become more sensitive, relaxed and connected to her yoni—her sacred temple. Much frustration, pain and trauma are held in the tissues of the vagina, loving massage can help discharge them. This process may bring up strong emotions—feelings of fear or anxiety and joyous outpourings of release. It may take several sessions before her yoni has healed so that she can fully enjoy the range of sexual pleasures it holds. Your lover lies on her back, a towel-covered pillow under her hips. Her legs are apart, knees slightly bent. Sit between her legs. Look into each other’s eyes and breathe slowly and deeply together. Gently massage her legs, belly and torso, advancing without haste to her inner thighs and pelvis. When she is relaxed move to her yoni, and, asking permission to honor this most sacred spot, pour a good quality water-based lubricant on her mound and begin to massage it slowly. “Slowly” is a key point for this entire massage. Gently squeezing each outer lip between thumb and forefinger, stroke up and down. Ask her to tell you if she wants more pressure or speed or softness. Repeat the stroking, squeezing motion on her inner lips. Move to her clitoris, circling, squeezing, and gently pulling. When you feel she is ready, ask permission to enter her enchanted garden and gently insert your finger—some women like two fingers. Crook your finger in a “come hither” motion and press it against the walls just inside the entrance of her vaginal canal. Explore all around this wonderful opening, fraction of an inch by fraction of an inch. If you encounter spots that are painful or tight stop movement but continue to press your finger there. Breathe together. You may notice tingling or heat as the tension releases. Move a little deeper into her honey pot and again press all around. This is the area of the g-spot, which can be extremely sensitive—its spongy tissue is a storehouse of sexual frustration and pain—so move respectfully. Some women feel a burning or a desire to urinate when the g-spot is awakening, continue to apply pressure and allow the sensation to pass. Move deeper still, straightening your finger and pressing along the sides as you go farther back toward the cervix. Wherever she feels trauma or pain stop movement, press the spot firmly, breathe deeply, until there is a release. If your lover would like you to, as you continue your internal massage begin to stimulate her clitoris with your other hand awakening her to a state of high arousal. She may experience orgasm—clitorally or vaginally or in combination. When she feels she has had enough, slowly take your hands away. Complete your massage by gently holding her in your loving arms.

Q.	How can I change the taste of my cum?
Ans.	Here are 2 articles that suggest techniques for improving the taste of your cum. Can You Change the Taste of Your Semen? By Marc Deschamps Your Semen and You By Suthep Sachasiri Here are 10 Tips for better semen taste from the article “Sperm Taste – 10 Simple Tips For Better Tasting Semen” By Sacha Tarkovsky Cut out alcohol, caffeine, recreational drugs and nicotine their all pollutants. Drink lots of water 1 – 2 liters a day to flush out body toxins. Fruit get plenty each day and sweeten your sperm taste Pineapple, papaya cranberry, melons, mangos, apples grapes are all good choices. These fruits are high in natural sugars and offset the bitter taste. Eat plenty of vegetables which are generally good for improving sperm taste. While it is true vegetarians generally have better tasting sperm there are vegetables to avoid: Any vegetables from the cabbage family big offenders also include Cauliflower, broccoli, or asparagus: Cut red meat consumption this is one of the main offenders when it comes to making sperm taste salty. Dairy produce such as milk and cheese also make sperm taste salty. Make sure when you eat protein you get good quality lean protein such as chicken and turkey. Fish is claimed by some to be an offender in terms of taste, but this seems to vary between individuals. Try it and see the affects before cutting it out, fish is a major part of a healthy diet. Avoid heavy spices such as Garlic and onions, they’re big offenders when it comes to sperm taste, as they have a high sulfur content. Do not buy products that claim to make your semen taste better there is no evidence that they work. Your semen can be made to taste better by overall changes in diet and lifestyle, it’s a complex formula and a good healthy diet has the biggest affect. Parsley, wheatgrass, and celery are particularly recommended for sweeter semen taste, because of their high chlorophyll content. Cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint and lemon are particularly recommended for making semen taste sweeter. Avoid junk food, there loaded with chemicals and preservatives that pollute your body and your semen’s taste. Try and eat food “from the earth” i.e. as naturally as possible. Also consider taking a zinc and selenium supplement, both are needed for healthy sperm and can make the taste better. Finally, strong smelling semen may indicate an infection, so if your semen taste doesn’t change when you change your diet, you should consider a visit to the doctor. Your aim with your diet is to eat one that helps your overall health and the above recommendations will not only make your semen taste better you will also feel fitter and healthier as well. Keep in mind that you can eat some of the foods we don’t recommend for sperm taste. You can enjoy red meat and the occasional spiced curry just keep in mind the following when considering sperm taste: What you put into your body takes between 12 and 24 hours to secrete out and you should simply keep this in mind before eating and deciding whether you want a better sperm taste on that particular day or not!

Q.	What is Apsara Sadhana
Ans.	Sadhana is a disciplined spiritual practice in both Hinduism and Buddhism. The purpose of sadhana is liberation from the cycle of birth and death, illumination or enlightenment. A person engaged in sadhana practice is referred to as a Sadhu or a Sadhaka. These spiritual practices take a number of forms including many types of meditation, the use of mantras (sacred sounds), mudras (ritualized body movements), yantras (sacred visual images such as geometric shapes), pujas (ceremonial practices offered to a deity or guru), etc. Demigod – a being that is half god because one parent was a god and the other was human, as in Greek mythology. For example in one version of Greek mythology Dionysus was the son of the god Zeus and the mortal mother Semele. Apsarah (apsarasah is plural) is a Celestial Nymph, a feminine spirit of clouds and waters in Hinduism and Buddhism. They first appear in the Rig Veda and act as attendants to the God Indra. They are typically depicted as playing music and dancing and are able to change their shape at will, and are commonly associated with fertility rites. Here is an online discussion group discussing this practice, but I can find no specific instructions in the forum. http://www.audarya-fellowship.com/forums/mantra-tantra-vijnana/151970-apsara-sadhana.html Here is a webpage http://www.siddhashram.org/dikshalist.shtml that mentions Apsarah Sadhana as one step in a progression of steps of spiritual practice. For example: “Through this Diksha one attains fulfilment in all spheres of life besides achieving success in the spiritual field too. If one is not able to achieve success in any Sadhana like Apsara Sadhana, Shiv Sadhana, Veishnnav Sadhana or Sadhana related to any Goddess then through the grace of Mahavidya Tripur sundari one is able to get quick and resounding success.” And that same website in India offers audio cassettes with instructions on Apsarah Sadhana. http://www.siddhashram.org/cassette.shtml Look for: Swarnndeha Apsara Sadhana Pushpdehaa Apsara Sadhana Shodash Apsara Sadhana Swarnadeha Apsara Sadhana

Q.	At times my partner will feel pain as she is about to orgasm when the G-spot is being stimulated by my fingers. It spoils her orgasm. She has never experienced an ejaculation. She says that it is not my fingers that cause the problem, it is the intensity that becomes painful, and leads nowhere. My partner orgasms quickly and easily having intercourse. We would appreciate any directions you may have.
Ans.	There can be a number of reasons for the pain. Make sure she's ruled out any physical causes like bladder infections, cystitis, etc. Experiment with different ways of stimulating her g-spot. When you find a particular method that feels really good, keep doing it exactly the same way until she lets you know she wants a change. (don't go faster, harder etc. as she's getting close to orgasm) Make sure she's very, very excited, or has even had an orgasm through clitoral stimulation, before you touch the g-spot. Suggest that she consciously relax her body as she's approaching orgasm, rather than tightening up. If she starts to feel pain as you’re stroking her g-spot, stop moving your fingers and press firmly on the spot until the pain passes. Give her a yoni massage. Genital massage can help release any tension and blockages, helping energy flow more freely and increasing sensitivity. Ask her to give you a lingam massage too. The instructions are below. Yoni (Vaginal) Massage Instructions The Yoni massage, or female genital massage, brings healing and emotional opening. Your intention is not arousal, or orgasm, although these may well occur, but rather to help your lover become more sensitive, relaxed and connected to her yoni—her sacred temple. Much frustration, pain and trauma are held in the tissues of the vagina, loving massage can help discharge them. This process may bring up strong emotions—feelings of fear or anxiety and joyous outpourings of release. It may take several sessions before her yoni has healed so that she can fully enjoy the range of sexual pleasures it holds. Your lover lies on her back, a towel-covered pillow under her hips. Her legs are apart, knees slightly bent. Sit between her legs. Look into each other’s eyes and breathe slowly and deeply together. Gently massage her legs, belly and torso, advancing without haste to her inner thighs and pelvis. When she is relaxed move to her yoni, and, asking permission to honor this most sacred spot, pour a good quality water-based lubricant on her mound and begin to massage it slowly. “Slowly” is a key point for this entire massage. Gently squeezing each outer lip between thumb and forefinger, stroke up and down. Ask her to tell you if she wants more pressure or speed or softness. Repeat the stroking, squeezing motion on her inner lips. Move to her clitoris, circling, squeezing, gently pulling. When you feel she is ready ask permission to enter her enchanted garden and gently insert your finger—some women like two fingers. Crook your finger in a “come hither” motion and press it against the walls just inside the entrance of her vaginal canal. Explore all around this wonderful opening, fraction of an inch by fraction of an inch. If you encounter spots that are painful or tight stop movement but continue to press your finger there. Breathe together. You may notice tingling or heat as the tension releases. Move a little deeper into her honey pot and again press all around. This is the area of the g-spot, which can be extremely sensitive—its spongy tissue is a storehouse of sexual frustration and pain—so move respectfully. Some women feel a burning or a desire to urinate when the g-spot is awakening, continue to apply pressure and allow the sensation to pass. Move deeper still, straightening your finger and pressing along the sides as you go farther back toward the cervix. Wherever she feels trauma or pain stop movement, press the spot firmly, breathe deeply, until there is a release. If your lover would like you to, as you continue your internal massage begin to stimulate her clitoris with your other hand awakening her to a state of high arousal. She may experience orgasm—clitorally or vaginally or in combination. When she feels she’s had enough, slowly take your hands away. Complete your massage by gently holding her in your loving arms. Lingam (Penis) Massage Instructions Men too, need gentle healing of their genitals—a purging of emotional and energetic blockages. When a man holds frustration and hurts in his genital region the muscles can be tight, affecting his capacity for erection and his ability to master ejaculation. The lingam massage relaxes these tense muscles and helps a man open to his receptive side so he may experience deeper levels of pleasure. If the massage brings up strong emotions for your lover encourage him to allow them out. Your lover lies on his back, a towel-covered pillow under his hips. His legs are apart, knees slightly bent. Sit between his legs. Look into each other’s eyes and breathe slowly and deeply together. Gently massage his legs, belly and torso, advancing without haste to his inner thighs and pelvis. Ask permission to honor his ‘wand of light’, and with a good quality lubricant deeply massage the muscles at the top of his inner thighs, in the crease where his legs and pelvic floor meet. Work along the connecting bone and muscles, releasing tension as you go. “Slowly” is a key point for this entire massage. Ask him to tell you when he wants more or less pressure or a change of stroke or to touch a different spot. Massage above his lingam on the pubic bone. Move down to the scrotum, gently kneading and pulling his testicles. Pay special attention to the perineum, circling and pushing the tissues there. Bring your loving touch to his lingam, stroking the shaft with varying pressure and speed. With alternating hands slide up from the base of the shaft to the head and then off. Repeat this movement and then reverse direction—slide from the top down. Hold his lingam by its head and gently shake it back and forth. Thoroughly massage the head of his lingam. He may or may not get an erection. If he does it may come and go throughout your massage. If he feels he is coming close to ejaculation slow down or stop your massaging or move to a different spot, for instance the perineum. Breathe deeply together. Move from perineum to testicles to lingam and back again, paying attention to different areas as he rises to a peak and then backs off. The lingam massage is a great aid to learning ejaculation mastery. Perhaps he would like to ejaculate to end the massage or he may want to retain his sexual energy. Whatever his preference, when he feels he’s had enough remove your hands slowly and reverently. He may like you to hold him in your arms to complete your session.

Q.	My name is Jack and I am reading your book Soul Sex: Tantra for Two. I would like to know a little more on the prostate gland. You mention that our prostate needs to release our sperm on a regular basis. Otherwise there is a build up and the gland expands. What about if you have had a vasectomy? Where does the sperm go when we come? Does it get absorbed into the blood stream?
Ans.	I have also had a vasectomy. The ejaculate contains sperm and semen. With a vasectomy the tubes that deliver sperm from the testes for ejaculation are cut, but the semen will still be ejaculated, as that originates from a different location in the seminal vesicles and prostate. About 30% of the semen is produced in the prostate. Discomfort in the prostate from delaying ejaculation is because there is a buildup of energy that is not circulated up through the body away from the prostate, and a buildup of semen usually results. All sperm produced by the body is naturally, safely and painlessly reabsorbed into the body. But the accumulated hot sexual energy and some or possibly most of the semen in the prostate seems to resist re-absorption easily thus causing the prostate discomfort. As you learn to successfully move the hot sexual energy away from the prostate as quickly as it builds, there will not be any buildup in the prostate and it will remain comfortable. In the meantime, any time you become uncomfortable, allow yourself to have an ejaculation and that should remove any discomfort. If you remain sore after ejaculation consult your physician as there may then be some other problem.

Q.	During sex if a women is extremely wet, is that a turn on or a turn off to a man?
Ans.	It depends on the man's individual preference and also the culture he's raised in. Most in the Western World equate a well-lubricated vagina as a sign of great excitement. This is then often very exciting for the woman's partner. In some cultures, in parts of Africa for instance, a dry vagina is preferred. If you're in doubt, have a conversation about it with your lover.

Q.	Is there any possibility for some diseases to be transmitted by oral sex?
Ans.	Yes. Anytime you bring sexual fluids into any body opening, for example, mouth, vagina, tip of the penis, anus, etc., you are at risk for a number of sexually transmitted diseases. To protect yourself during oral sex (cunnilingus), you can use dental dams which are simply small pieces of clear plastic, resembling saran wrap. For fellatio you use a condom. You lick and suck through that barrier for protection.

Q.	I have a girl who I have enough chemistry with to practice this sexual act. I would like to know, step by step, how to do tantra. What happens when you stop your orgasm? What do I do in between the time where you stop and start back up?
Ans.	our questions require several books to answer. Consider ours: Al and Pala’s Published Books http://www.tantra-sex.com/BooksAboutRelationshipsAndSex.html But here is a free article in which we present the essential aspects of tantra. Free Articles WRITINGS ABOUT SEX, TANTRA, RELATIONSHIPS http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantra-articles.html In particular read the following articles from that page. Tantra Step by Step Article http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantrasteps.html Also consider our new book: 28 Days to Ecstasy for Couples: Tantra Step by Step http://www.amazon.com/28-Days-Ecstasy-Couples-Tantra/dp/0738709999/4freedomsconsult Free Ejaculation Mastery Articles Voluntary Ejaculation http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummspring02.html HOW TO GIVE HER MORE THAN SHE CAN HANDLE http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantra-article2.html Also consider our eBook: Voluntary Ejaculation & Male Multiple Orgasm http://www.tantra-sex.com/EjaculationMastery.html

Q.	My main point is that "tantra", in my view, loses it's refined power and beauty when pushed as a product, or connected with them, like that LuvSeat TM. That was what got me. Why represent or portray a uniquely non-fashion-industry set of practices and understandings, a sacred tradition, with furniture etc. that only the leisure-rich could afford or only the consumer-benumbed would buy, luring people with very un-erotic (and standard "pornographic") female figurines dressed in leather boots? Babaji must be giggling forgivingly out there in the Himalayas. No, it has nothing to do with strictures and prohibitions, not at all. I know that like you do. I've studied and practiced tantra earnestly for 15 years, spending 5 years in India, along with training in martial arts and other practices. But you have to understand (or state, since obviously you already do know) what kind of freedom IS involved. I like erotic material as much as you, and of course I know the power of eros is the basis of tantra. But as I've already noted it's not about that dichotomy. Still, parts of your site, like the one I was led into, have only the vaguest rumor of the spirit of the practices, and that being the purely technical-material. Sure, at times these things can help, but my gut-and-mind impression was that you've misrepresented and commoditized a sacred reality. I wasn't seeking information, but am I at least clear in my critique? My sense is you must understand the concern I have.
Ans.	There seems to be a widespread opinion and assumption that Tantra has nothing to do with sex, but to me this is the same repressive attitude expressed by so many religions that sex and spirit must be separated. Our Tantric experience is that body, mind, heart and soul are one in union. They are our natural freedoms to be embraced and experienced fully. That the lovers, masculine and feminine (archetypes), Yin/Yang are one in union, that the profane and sacred are one in union, that light and shadow are one in union. We are in a body and we must make our way in this material world. That includes making a living, paying the rent, chopping the wood. These things are not separate from our spiritual life, they are our spiritual life. Each act is done with conscious awareness of what we are doing, with our attention fully in the present moment, as an offering to God, not as a search to find Him. We do not separate what we do in the more ordinary parts of our lives from the parts one might think of as spiritual practice. Our lives are our spiritual practice. Our web site is our spiritual practice. Chopping wood is my spiritual practice. Selling love-seats is our spiritual practice. Making love is our spiritual practice. Wild fucking is our spiritual practice, and we invite God into bed with us in celebration of having these beautiful bodies, gifts from the Creator. Many people come to our web site looking for information on sex, sexual products, even pornography. Yes we even have links to pornography. Who is to judge what any man or woman needs or what is right and wrong? We do not assume that role. Better that we pay attention to our own inner work. Our web site is a collection of information about sex and sexuality (a sex-information web site) without the moral censoring so common with approaches to living that are closer to a religious orientation and farther from a spiritual one.

Q.	How can I reassure my boyfriend that I was a virgin if I did not bleed with our first experience of sexual intercourse?
Ans.	Not every woman bleeds the first time she has intercourse. In fact, many don’t. There are lots of ways the hymen (the “skin cover” or very thin membrane that partially covers the opening to the vagina) can be stretched or broken—everything from using a tampon for menstrual periods, to penetration with fingers during foreplay, to sports activities or vigorous exercise. There is no way to determine if a man is a virgin. So, just as you must trust him if he tells you he’s never had sex before, he must trust you as well. Trust is the foundation of a good marriage. Also, remember to use condoms for safer sex. And, to make intercourse more enjoyable for you, it will be very good if you are highly aroused and excited before he goes inside you. The more aroused you are the “wetter” your vagina will be, allowing for easier penetration. Ask him to take time with lots of kissing and sexy touching before intercourse. You can also use water-based lubricants like Astroglide to help make a smoother entry. A good site that gives lots of information about sex is: www.sexuality.org

Q.	I am a young girl 24 years old. I' m involved in sex with my boyfriend since long and we are using condoms every time we have sex. As just few days back a new form of condoms have been introduced in the market : women's condom. I just want to know about it, how can we use that while sex, and do he need to wear other condom too with that or woman condom is just enough. One more thing is that, as we have sex with condom always, but sometimes I feel like inserting his hard penis in my vagina without any protection, so that I may feel his hardness and hot orgasm in my vagina. Is there anyway I can do it, without condom and without getting pregnant. I have heard about i-pill, what's that for..?? do i need to have it on regular basis if i have sex without condom with him. Do tell me know please.
Ans.	There is no way you can have unprotected sex without the risk of pregnancy. The Reality Female condom is more difficult to use than regular condoms for men. It can be hard to insert and it decreases sensation in the vagina. Its usual success rate is about 80%. If properly inserted it can protect up to 95%. In my opinion, you are better off sticking with regular condoms. And, you should use them even if you are on the birth control pill (which I highly suggest you start right away). Condoms protect you against sexually transmitted diseases and the 1-2% failure rate that can occur with the pill. (I know women who got pregnant while on the pill). By the way, if you are on the pill now that can explain why your breasts are getting bigger. The i-pill is for emergency use only, after unprotected sex. You can buy it over the counter at a pharmacist. It MUST be taken within 72 hours after unprotected sex. The sooner you take it the better. It is 95% effective within 24 hours of unprotected sex, 85% between 25-48 hours and 58% if taken between 49-72 hours. Remember, it’s supposed to be for emergency use only—not something to use regularly. I know it feels wonderful to have your lover inside you, skin to skin. But this is a pleasure I encourage you to wait for until marriage—when pregnancy is not so much an issue. Here’s a website that has more info about various types of contraception: http://www.mjbovo.com/Contracept/index.htm

Q.	Are there any dangers in anal sex?
Ans.	Yes, definitely there are dangers with anal sex. This does not mean you should avoid anal sex, but rather that you need to take precautions. Anal sex is a normal part of healthy, adult, mature lovemaking, but it requires knowledge and skill to be done pleasurably and safely. The main concerns are sexually transmitted diseases, hygiene, and physical injury to the person being penetrated. Sexually Transmitted Diseases Unprotected anal sex leaves you open to infection with a number of nasty sexually transmitted diseases. Unless you know your partner is free of diseases be sure to use protection, for example a condom or latex glove for penetration and a dental dam for anal-mouth contact. Hygiene Discard used condoms, latex gloves and dental dams immediately after use for anal pleasuring. Wash the anal area and any parts of your body that have come into contact with the anus immediately after ending the pleasuring. Do not bring fluids from the anus into contact with any other opening into the body. Injury The anus is a sensitive area with lots of nerve endings, so it can be a source of great physical pleasure, but it is also very fragile. Be sure nails are well trimmed, or better yet wear a latex glove to prevent the tearing of the tissues inside the anus. Never insert anything into the anus that can get lost inside. Always have something sticking out of the anus to enable you to pull out whatever you have inserted. For example, most butt plugs have a wide flange at the end so you can grip that and remove the plug from the anus, or anal beads will have a length of string with a circle of plastic or metal that you can grip to remove the beads. Here is more information about anal sex. Is anal sex more enjoying than intercourse? http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/481-is-anal-sex-more-enjoying-than-intercourse/ How can I get my partner to experiment with anal sex? http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/315-how-partner-experiment-anal-sex/ You can find all of the products mentioned in this article here: Sextoy Warehouse http://tantra-sex.com/recommends/SexToysHome

Q.	Would it be a good idea for someone to attend both a couples Introduction to Tantra weekend (with my spouse), and your Goddess Weekend (for women only)?
Ans.	There is some overlap in material with the two workshops (Couples Introduction to Tantra and Awakening Your Goddess), for instance, the two main techniques we teach for learning to build and move sexual energy: the Passion Pump and the Sexual Fire Breath. But, as with all learning of new skills, practice is essential, so hearing about these techniques and trying them again at two different sessions will be helpful not redundant. On other levels the couples' workshop and the women's workshop are quite different. The couples' weekend focuses on the two of you together, deepening your connection on all levels: physical, emotional, mental, and energetic. You work together as a couple on a sexual/spiritual path. At the women's weekend the focus is on the self. Women learn to reclaim their sexual power as individuals and reconnect it with their spiritual life. The atmosphere and energy are very different at each session. One is romantic and includes male and female energies. The other is a communal environment of women standing for themselves, but joined with other women who are exploring the same life issues. It's all female energy. Over the years, I've had many women who've attended both sessions and found them extremely helpful. There's also another option, which is to create a personal session for just the two of you. When you book a private session we design it for your specific interests and needs.

Q.	My lover and I are having difficulties with her orgasm. Neither of us can bring her over the edge. Almost every time we are sexually intimate she says she gets so close then it starts to hurt. She says the same thing happens when she pleasures herself. I've never put pressure on her to have one though I believe it is seriously hurting our relationship because she gets so upset that it makes the experience not enjoyable for both of us. We've tried everything please help!
Ans.	There can be any number of reasons for this painful experience. I'd suggest having a thorough check-up with a gynecologist to rule out any physical causes. More likely however I think this may be an emotional, energetic issue. So I am including for you the directions to the Yoni massage. This is a very slow, very gentle healing massage of the Yoni (vagina). It may take several massages to help your partner fully relax and open up to complete sexual pleasure. Take your time and be loving and caring. Don't try to get to orgasm with this, just give her your loving touch. Yoni Massage The Yoni massage, or female genital massage, brings healing and emotional opening. Your intention is not arousal, or orgasm, although these may well occur, but rather to help your lover become more sensitive, relaxed and connected to her yoni-her sacred temple. Much frustration, pain and trauma are held in the tissues of the vagina, loving massage can help discharge them. This process may bring up strong emotions-feelings of fear or anxiety and joyous outpourings of release. It may take several sessions before her yoni has healed so that she can fully enjoy the range of sexual pleasures it holds. Instructions for a Yoni massage (yoni is the Tantric term for female genitals) http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/373-what-is-a-yoni-massage/

Q.	What is the difference between Tantric and Taoist Sexuality? Also I have been practicing some techniques in order to separate orgasm from ejaculation. Until now, I can stop the ejaculation,but the refractory period is still continues after all the contraction and pleasure. What could be the point in here? I have been practicing PC muscles contractions and belly breathing during solo cultivation or masturbation. And also the Inner Smile. What is your advice?
Ans.	Tantra originated in India and Taoist sexuality is from China; both go back thousands of years. Both strongly emphasize working with sexual energy very deliberately and consciously, and in similar ways. Men are encouraged to learn to delay ejaculation and to separate orgasm and ejaculation to have male multiple orgasms. In Tantric practice the hot sexual energy is usually moved up through the body in the central energy channel running through the center of the body from the perineum to the crown of the head. In Taoist practice the energy is typically circulated in what they call the micro-cosmic orbit running up the back (along the spinal column) from the perineum to the crown of the head, then down the front of your body, returning to the perineum. Both also direct energy outside the individual, to merge with the energy of another and with the divine energy of all life. In Tantra the use of sexual energy is primarily for spiritual awakening to full enlightenment—a direct experience of oneness with all and everything; the realization that you are Shiva/Shakti—God consciousness. With Taoist practices the use of sexual energy is focused on our earthly bodies, for longevity, health, creativity and leadership—mastery in the world—as well as fuel for enlightenment. It is just the way your particular body works. That is not a problem and you don’t need to do anything with that. The significant thing is to be able to delay ejaculation until you (and your partner) are ready; to make ejaculation a completely voluntary thing. The energy conserved in this way must be circulated through the rest of your body, as described above in order to obtain the benefits of retaining the seed and energy. Beware of using control to stop ejaculation. The focus should be on surrender and letting go, to encourage and allow the intense charge of hot sexual energy to move through your entire body, e.g. within the micro-cosmic orbit, and eventually to be exchanged with your partner.

Q.	Can you tell me what happens during one of your Tantric Sacred Sex Weekends?
Ans.	We start on Friday evening sometime around 6:00 pm. We have an introduction to the weekend and a romantic dinner. We send people off to their rooms before it gets too late Friday as people come from long distances and busy lives and are usually tired out. We give you a lovely exercise for the evening in the privacy of your room, and that can take a short or long time, depending upon your energy level. We usually give people a room knock-up around 8:00 am and have breakfast at 8:30. Saturday we cover how to use hot sexual energy; men separating orgasm from ejaculation and becoming multi-orgasmic; and helping women open to their full orgasmic potential. Lovers have time to privately explore the Tantric sacred sex lovemaking style during a block of hours in the late afternoon. We have wonderful dress-up celebratory dinner Saturday evening. Sunday we explore methods for communicating and opening the heart. We also do creating a sacred space for spiritual lovemaking, and the sexual fire breath—another way to work with hot sexual energy. The weekend usually ends around 3:00 pm Sunday afternoon.

Q.	What is tantric sex? Is it more than just delayed orgasms?
Ans.	Tantric sex is one form of spiritual practice (sacred sex) from Tantra which originated in India between 4,000-6,000 years ago. The teaching of Tantrism is that everything is one thing and that one thing is pure consciousness—God, the one without a second. Furthermore, individuals can transcend the limitations of the ego-consciousness in which everything seems to be separate from everything else (duality) to have a direct personal experience (not just an idea or concept) of reuniting with that Divine consciousness. This experience would be enlightenment, God-consciousness, Nirvana, or Mahamudra. In the left hand path of Tantra, sacred sex is seen to be a legitimate part of the spiritual quest for enlightenment. Some refer to Tantra sacred sex as Neo Tantra (neo means new). This is because sacred sex was a very small part of the earliest Tantric spiritual practices but has become the part gaining the most attention by Western spiritual seekers.

Q.	What are your qualifications for teaching others about tantric sex? Is there any certification process for tantric sex instructors?
Ans.	We have been practicing since 1987 and teaching since 1997. We have authored 4 published books on Tantra, sacred sex, and relationships. There is no certification or registration from any organization authority that is recognized or regulated. Some established teachers of neo-Tantra in the west, like Margo Anand and Charles Muir conduct Tantra teacher training programs. Some teachers claim the legitimacy of a spiritual lineage dating back hundreds or even thousands of years, the teaching of which is passed on from guru to disciple, one-on-one, (like Daniel Odier and John Mumford), but we do not. For the most part we are self taught lovers, through our own experiences. But we have also studied with some great teachers like Daniel Odier—who is a traditional Tantra master (not at all related to sex) and with Paul Welsh who was a long time disciple of Osho.

Q.	Who is tantric sex for? Is there any particular group of people that it will really benefit, and in what way?
Ans.	It is hard to imagine anyone who would not benefit from learning the art of Tantric lovemaking. Certainly anyone who is keenly interested in sex would love Tantra. Anyone who wants a legitimate spiritual path that is NOT boring, is not a grinding burden of effort, hard work and disappointment as so many spiritual practices seem to be. If you are looking for a spiritual practice that 2 people can do together this is a perfect option. We draw couples from the late twenties into the sixties to our Tantra weekends, people from all over the world, and from every socio-economic status. Tantra sacred sexual practices also provide a super boost to the immune system, so anyone interested in a long healthy life would find great value in Tantric practices. Although traditionally Tantric sex has been seen as heterosexual, people of any sexual orientation can learn to work with and share their sexual energy and use their lovemaking as a way to also awaken spiritually. The reason for the heterosexual bias traditionally is the idea that when you bring masculine energies together with feminine energies you create one whole – the Shiva and Shakti – god and goddess who are united as one. In Taoist (Chinese) sexual practice this is union of the yin (feminine) and yang (masculine) .

Q.	Why is delaying orgasm or trying to focus on your partner's pleasure such a revolutionary idea? Why do people talk about this as though it's something totally foreign, that can only be attained through study? Isn't this sort of the point of having sex (or, at least, making love vs. just sex), i.e. coming at the same time that your partner does?
Ans.	It is a mistake to focus on what you don’t want. An axiom of every spiritual practice that I am aware of is that you focus on what you do want, because you get more of what you pay attention to. So if a man focuses on not ejaculating, he is actually focusing on what he does not want, i.e., ejaculating, so ironically he will get quicker ejaculations. Rather, we teach men to focus on moving, circulating and exchanging sexual energy, upon opening the heart to feel, give and receive love. Women are instructed on how to let go of shame and guilt by opening their hearts and also by accepting pleasure as a good thing. Both are instructed on going beyond simple physical pleasure by offering their lovemaking as a spiritual act to help them remember that they are God/Goddess—to awaken to the enlightenment. Both acquire the knowledge and skill of mature adult lovemaking to a level that eventually their lovemaking becomes an art. This is rare indeed, but making such a transformation in the bedroom will completely transform your relationship with your beloved and with the rest of your life, bringing lasting happiness, fulfillment, and spiritual awakening into your life. It is possible for couples to learn how to create love that will last a lifetime and satisfy them through and through.

Q.	Tantric sex has a very hippie-dippy feel to it, thanks to Sting and other people who talk about emotional connections and self-healing through sex. Is there anything you can say to convince readers that this is not the case?
Ans.	The shabby perception many people have about Tantra sacred sexuality is mostly a reflection of their ignorance about what Tantra really is. Ignorance, of course, simply means not knowing. It does not in any way imply stupidity. If people had any clue what Tantra really was, and how profoundly it could improve their lives with better health, more pleasure, and total relationship happiness, not to mention the possibility of direct personal experience with the Divine, they would be reading books, and taking classes on the subject immediately. Unfortunately people have very immature ideas about sex and love and great relationships. They have never learned about healthy sex, spiritual sex, sacred sex, but rather imagine it must be like pornography, sleazy, selfish, all about performance, too much hard work, etc. They also project their own guilt and shame upon everything sexual without discriminating between quality and quantity. Tantric sex is about quality, not quantity. There is also an unfortunate association of Tantric sex with multiple sexual partners, group sex, massage which is essentially disguised prostitution and other practices that the majority of people are not comfortable with. These practices are called Tantra, but there are many Tantric teachers who are not engaged in these practices. We for example are a rather traditional heterosexual monogamous couple. Tantra is breaking out of this stereotype into the mainstream. We have had supreme court justices, medical directors of major hospitals, psychiatrists, genome scientists, CEOs, clergymen, teachers, health practitioners of every tradition, students, etc. attend our Tantra weekends. It is beyond the early adaptor stage, and into the growth stage of public acceptance.

Q.	Wikipedia claims that tantric sex involves a WOMAN delaying her orgasms, rather than the man. Is this accurate, and if so, why would it be more important for a woman to delay her orgasms when men are usually the premature ejaculators?
Ans.	This would be an error to claim only women delay orgasms. It is extremely important for men to learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation. Once they do this, men can then have orgasms without ejaculating and in this way become multi-orgasmic men. Many male tantric lovers will delay ejaculation for weeks or months at a time, even with lots of sex in between. The resulting accumulation of life force in the form of sexual energy can, if it is successfully circulated up to the crown of the head, lead to profound mystical and spiritual expansions of consciousness. For women, unfortunately, many must first learn how to have orgasms at all—a serious problem for a high percentage of women. This problem of difficulty having an orgasm usually is easily overcome when the lovers switch away from a focus on orgasm and instead focus on giving and receiving mutual pleasure in the context of using their sacred sex as a spiritual practice leading to enlightenment. Typical sexual dysfunction for men in the form of premature ejaculation and erection failure also are rather easily corrected in this same way. After women have learned how to have many orgasms and many different types of orgasms, they can then also practice delaying orgasm to build high sexual charges, which when circulated up through the body lead to the spiritual expansion of consciousness. This is how both men and women use their sexual energy as fuel for spiritual awakening.

Q.	If someone says "I'm tantric," what does that mean?
Ans.	The popular meaning in most of the Western world would almost certainly be they go slowly in lovemaking (often extending the lovemaking to several hours). In addition to that, the man has learned to delay his ejaculation making it completely voluntary as to when and if he will ejaculate. Both men and women have learned to become aware of hot sexual energy as it builds in the genitals and have also learned how to move that energy up through the rest of their bodies toward the crown of the head and possibly exchanging it between them. They have introduced some ceremonial practices into their lovemaking, such as creating a sacred space (transforming the room they are making love in so it is sensual and beautiful), looking for and finding the God and Goddess (Shiva/Shakti) inside of themselves and each other, and offering up their lovemaking as way to remember their own divinity and a way to re-unite them with God—a path to enlightenment. They have switched from a goal oriented approach to lovemaking (get to orgasm) to a pleasure approach—appreciate and enjoy every moment, every touch, every breath, every contact of the eyes…

Q.	How can one be sure they are learning about authentic tantric sex practices–or is there any such thing?
Ans.	We suggest you look for published material, happy campers (satisfied students) who have taken their training, or connection with some spiritual lineage. You would also be advised to call and talk with prospective teachers telling them what you are specifically looking for, asking any question you might have and to get a feel (intuitive knowing) for how well matched they are to you. Specifically ask about the balance between spiritual vs. sexual, ask about explicit sex (some have it, some don’t; it depends upon what the student is comfortable with—we do not have any explicit sexuality in any group sessions), and ask about the curriculum including the experiential part (as opposed to theoretical). Another important thing is how long have the teachers been practicing and teaching; is teaching Tantra a part time interest or what they do full time. Teaching, writing and speaking about Tantra is what we do full time.

Q.	What does tantric sex have to do with the Kama Sutra, if anything?
Ans.	The Kama Sutra dates back to about 400 CE, about 1,600 years. It is a manual for developing the erotic sensibilities, knowledge and skill, including specific instruction on sexual techniques, as well as many other sensual and cultural expressions, referred to as the 64 arts. The approach to sex in the Kama Sutra is from a secular (non-religious, non-spiritual) perspective, whereas Tantra is definitely spiritual. The Kama Sutra does not in any way deny the value of spiritual practice, it is just not presenting that perspective. Tantra is all about awakening to full enlightenment, while the Kama Sutra is about great, satisfying, fulfilling sex, primarily between heterosexual couples. In the Kama Sutra sex was considered an essential aspect of everyone’s education. Sexual knowledge and skill were considered to be evidence of achievement, refinement, intelligence, psychological maturity, and part of the good life—the book was actually directed toward the upper class, educated, economically affluent portion of the population.

Q.	Where can readers get more info on tantric sex?
Ans.	Do a search on Google for Tantra to find lots of resources. Do a search on Amazon.com for Tantra to find lots of great reading material. A good place to start would be our 4 books. Soul Sex: Tantra for Two http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&camp=1789&tag=4freedomsconsult&creative=9325&path=external-search%3Fsearch-type=ss%26keyword=al+link+and+pala+copeland%26index=books The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Supercharged-Illustrated/dp/1592575749/4freedomsconsult Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul http://www.amazon.com/Sensual-Love-Secrets-Couples-Freedoms/dp/0738709654/4freedomsconsult 28 Days to Ecstasy for Couples: Tantra Step by Step http://www.amazon.com/28-Days-Ecstasy-Couples-Tantra/dp/0738709999/4freedomsconsult Also our website and blog: Website http://www.tantra-sex.com/ Blog http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/ Workshops are a great way to learn, e.g., our Tantra weekends held monthly near Ottawa Canada.http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantracouples.html Another great website with lots of info about Tantra is www.tantra.com which is based in California.

Q.	I have been going out with my boyfriend for the past 7 months and recently we tried to have sex. It was my first time and I just couldn’t do it, so I asked him to stop while he was just penetrating his penis. It looks like I lost my virginity because I bled for 2 days right after that experience. Is that Normal? Does it always hurt? I’ve been hearing about orgasms but I really don’t know what it means. Please help me understand?
Ans.	Generally bleeding from a broken hymen, the membrane that covers the opening to the vagina, only lasts a short time. However, some hymens are thicker than others and they can bleed more. Pain from intercourse can be related to a number of things. If you are small and he is very large, for instance. Occasionally, a woman may have a physical reason for uncomfortable intercourse–have you had a gynecological examination at any time by a doctor? However, the most common cause for painful intercourse is that the woman is not ready for penetration. When a woman is highly aroused her vagina becomes well-lubricated and more elastic, so that it can expand to accommodate the penis. This means that you and your boyfriend need to spend lots of time talking affectionately, kissing, petting, caressing each other before he even thinks about penetrating you with his penis. Oral sex is wonderful for arousing both women and men. Also he can try gentle penetration with his fingers. The key point for him to understand is to go very, very slowly and be very gentle. You want to be make sure you are relaxed everywhere in your body. If you tense up, particularly your vaginal muscles, it will be uncomfortable for you. Make sure you really, really want him inside you before you try intercourse. If you don't produce enough vaginal lubrication on your own, you can also help with lubricants like Astroglide or Wet. I urge you to take your time. Go very slowly and very gently. Our ebook: "Awakening Women's Orgasm" will give you both lots of great information. You can buy it here: http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantrashop.html Also we have some free articles about how to make love to a woman at this page: http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantra-articles.html Look under the Articles by Al and Pala section. All aspects of lovemaking, including intercourse, can be extremely fabulous. It's worth learning how to become skillful lovers.

Q.	When you're 70+, how much sexual energy can still exist?
Ans.	Sexual energy is just a form of the life force. For the ordinary human being the life force diminishes predictably with aging, and most show little sexual vitality by the time they are over 70 years. But this is not normal, only common. For those whohave learned to work consciously with the hot sexual energy while still in their early years, i.e., they have cultivated that energy, can store it in the belly chakra area, and can circulate it throughout their body, they do not show the same decline and remain sexually active to any age. For men this means learning to delay ejaculation, by separating orgasm from ejaculation, and having orgasms without ejaculating.

Q.	Is it possible to get pregnant from a "cock rub"?
Ans.	Did any of his semen enter your vagina? That's the question you need the answer to. If not, you don't have to worry. If it did, then there is the possibility of pregnancy. Always use condoms for any kind of sexual activity, to protect against STIs. If you're having intercourse and you want to avoid pregnancy you need more than condoms–birth control pills are the most effective, but nothing is 100% except abstinence.

Q.	Can a woman come without leaving any traces of cum on the penis?
Ans.	Any secretions when a woman comes just looks like wetness. A woman’s ejaculation fluid (if she does ejaculate) is clear and watery. There will not be any visible sign on the penis, only wetness, but that wetness looks exactly like any ordinary wetness from vaginal penetration. There would be no way to tell if a woman has come or not by looking at the penis.

Q.	Is anal sex more enjoying than intercourse?
Ans.	You don’t say how young you are, but your breasts have probably gotten bigger just because of your natural growth process. Sucking them won’t make them grow. Breasts get bigger as girls mature into women. When it comes to sex boys and men are generally like fire. They get hot quickly and then with an ejaculation they can burn out fast. They often like to go directly to playing with breasts and vagina and then to oral sex and intercourse. Girls and women are more like water. They get hot more slowly, but once they are aroused they can stay that way quite a while. They usually like lots of kissing, caressing, and loving talk before they are ready for breast fondling, oral sex or intercourse. Because of this difference, it’s really important for women to let their boyfriends know they want lots of foreplay and that if they get lots of foreplay they’ll be more interested in the rest of sex. There are some good articles we’ve written about sex and how to please women at our website: Look through the articles by Al and Pala.http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantra-articles.html As for anal sex, it can be enjoyable for both men and women because there are lots of nerve endings in the anus that can bring pleasure. It’s different than regular intercourse, some really like it, others don’t like it at all. It is very important to remember that the anus is not like the vagina. It’s wall are very thin. It has no natural lubrication. It has lots of bacteria. So if you are considering anal sex it’s really, really important to use lots and lots of lubricant, like Astroglide. It’s also really, really important to use condoms or latex gloves to protect you both from infection. After any kind of anal play, always wash hands and any other body parts that come into contact with the anus before you touch other parts, like your vagina. Do you touch your boyfriend’s anus? Does he let you put a finger in him? Ask him to let you explore his body this way before you consider anal intercourse so that he will understand what it feels like. The anus doesn’t expand like the vagina does, so if you’re going to be putting anything up there (fingers, penis, dildo) be very gentle, very slow, and never put anything inside that doesn’t have a part that stays outside—a rim, or a string for instance. Also, one last word that’s very important. Make sure that every time you have sex you use condoms. And if you’re having regular intercourse, get on the birth control pill now.

Q.	I was hoping that you could help. My girl friend is on birth control and she wants me to cum inside her and I dont know if i should because I dont know how big the risks are if you could tell me the risk of her getting pregnant please do she is on the pill also if that helps at all.
Ans.	According to the American Pregnancy Org: “If pills are taken every day at the same time, and each pack is started on time, oral contraceptives are 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. On average, oral contraceptives are 93-97% effective because women often miss pills or do not start a new pack on time.” American Pregnancy Org http://www.americanpregnancy.org/preventingpregnancy/birthcontrolpills.html Other Excellent Sources for Further Information About The Birth Control Pill Mayo Clinic Birth Control Pill FAQs http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/birth-control-pill/WO00098 Comparison of Birth Control Methods http://www.birth-control-comparison.info/thepill.htm

Q.	My wife and I have been having issues of late when trying to have sex. Usually we are in the missionary position, but after a short period of time, my wife begins to complain about pain. At that point we either have to rush and she has to endure or we just stop leaving us both frustrated. I want to say that I am large but I truly don't think this is the issue. We have been married for over 8 years and have a daughter and this has only been an issue of late. What can be causing this and what can we do to remedy it?
Ans.	There can be a number of reasons for painful intercourse. The most likely is not enough lubrication. Is your wife fully aroused before you start intercourse? When a woman becomes very sexually excited her vagina expands and it produces lubrication so that intercourse goes smoothly. Make sure you take enough time with foreplay — kissing, caressing, telling her how wonderful she is, oral sex — before you even attempt to enter her. You can also use additional lubricant, such as a water or silicone based lubricant.

Q.	I have just started looking into Tantra Sex. I have been abused emotionally and physically (very deeply emotionally). I have been in counseling and have also discovered that I have very little male testosterone in my body. I have taken male testosterone but am at the point where I leave my body when it comes to sex. I have been married to a wonderful husband for the last 27 years who has stuck by me all these years, both of us not knowing why I am the way I am. Counseling has uncovered so many answers. I am afraid to get in touch with my sexual side, even though my husband is understanding. I have very many teenage thoughts in my mind, and won't let the adult take over. This is just my sexual being in a nutshell. I would like to know where I should start trying to change avenues to grasp on to my femininity. I'm not sure if my husband agrees with tantra sex. Could you please try and let me know where I should start. Thanks for your help.
Ans.	Our approach to sexual healing is from the perspective of learning to open to the joys and pleasure of sacred loving, rather than using analysis to figure out what went wrong, why it went wrong, and how to fix the problems. We focus on what you do want—a healthy joyous sexuality in a long-term committed relationship with someone you love and who loves you. By focusing on the problems, for example with various forms of analysis, people just seem to stay stuck in their past. We have a sexual healing series that would be most valuable for you to reclaim your spontaneous, joyous sexual self. You would participate in this series with your husband. This is essential, because of the dynamics of relationship and how they can feed the past or lead you to freedom in the now moment. There is always work to do on the part of both partners, regardless of which one was abused and damaged in an earlier time of their life. You can find out more information about our sexual healing series here:http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantra-private.html#survivors You can call us toll free if you have questions: 1-800-684-5308 We would highly recommend that you get a copy of our book, Soul Sex: Tantra for Two and that both of you read it cover to cover as a way to start working on your healing process in the context of your long-term committed relationship. Here is more info about our book Soul Sex: Tantra for Two http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/redirect?link_code=ur2&camp=1789&tag=4freedomsconsult&creative=9325&path=external-search%3Fsearch-type=ss%26keyword=al+link+and+pala+copeland%26index=books Another alternative if you prefer to work more with other women rather than with your husband at this point in your healing woutl be to attend Pala’s Goddess weekend for women only. The entire weekend is an exploration of sensuality, sexuality and the feminine Goddess. Here is more information about the Goddess weekend.http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantraforwomen.html Pala only does this weekend about once per year, but this would be a much less expensive alternative to the Sexual Healing Series, depending upon your budget.

Q.	I bought this tantric toning video at the dollar store (lol), do you think tantric toning actually works?
Ans.	I have not heard of "tantric toning" before your question, but I do know that sex can be helpful in controlling weight and depending upon how you support your body during different sexual positions you can certainly strengthen different muscle groups. There are 3500 calories in a pound of fat. For every 3500 calories you burn (that you do not replace with food!) you will lose one pound of fat. Sexual intercourse burns approximately 150 calories per half hour. Here’s how that stacks up against some other activities that may be part of your fitness regime: yoga 114 calories per half hour, dancing - rock 129, walking - 3mph 153, weight training 153, canoeing - 2mph 153, volleyball 174. According to one survey reported by the Ottawa Citizen, Canadians on average have sex 7.33 times per month, lasting approximately 24.4 minutes. That means that “Joe Canada” is burning off more than 10 thousand calories a year, or about 3 pounds, in a not particularly active sex life. Those who are more sexually active, into Tantra for instance where lovemaking lasts 4 hours, would burn up 600 calories a session. At once a week that’s 31,200 calories or 9 pounds per year. Considering that people put weight on gradually, slowly gaining 5-10 pounds per year until they are overweight, it’s not unrealistic to assume that regular sexual activity is one way to help maintain a healthy body weight.

Q.	When I suck my girlfriend’s breasts some liquid comes out that is bitter in taste. Can you please tell me what is that and why it happens? Is there is anything wrong?
Ans.	According to both Tantric (Indian) and Taoist (China) sexual teachings, a woman produces three distinct types of sexual secretions, from her mouth, breasts, and yoni (vagina). By absorbing these Threefold Elixirs a man gains energy. The fluid from the breasts (“White Snow” in the Taoist tradition) is generated by sexual excitement, especially from a woman who is very loving and nurturing. Generally this fluid is described as slightly sweet and agreeable in taste. If your girlfriend’s is bitter it may be related to the modern diet which is overly processed and full of chemical additives. An organic diet with more natural and unprocessed foods would likely alter the taste of the secretions.

Q.	I am beginning my Tantric journey and am refraining from Ejaculating. My girlfriend has been away for three weeks and in another week I am seeing her for the first time since she left. Our lovemaking often is hard, fast, and wild, which is how she and I both liked it. However, I now want to make our sex life more tantric so my question is given the insane desire we will both have when we first get alone, how do I set the pace for a slower more tantric experience when she's just ready to jump on me?
Ans.	A Tantra quickie may sound like a bit of an oxymoron, but even Tantric lovers do have quickies. One of the best times for a quickie may very well be when you have been apart for some time and both of you are bursting with horniness for each other. After that first fast passionate encounter, you can then slowwwwww way down and savor every breath, every touch, every energetic twitch, every glance with the eyes, with you delaying ejaculation for hours after that. Delicious, yes.

Q.	I have been involved with my girlfriend for a long time and have had many sexual experiences but a while ago during sex I noticed some blood on my penis. she said she felt no pain. I am wondering what could it be that bled and should I be worried?
Ans.	Vaginal bleeding after intercourse could be related to a number of things. If she was a virgin, then some bleeding after the first intercourse is quite normal. If it is not the first intercourse there could be bleeding if she was not properly lubricated. If that were the cause, almost certainly she would have experienced considerable discomfort during the intercourse. Another contributing factor could be if the penis is large and the vagina is small. Again, if that were the cause she would have experienced considerable discomfort during the intercourse. If none of these factors were involved, then it important to know if this is a regular problem or a one-time problem. If it is a one-time problem it is not likely to be anything serious, but if it is recurring, then it certainly could be and in any case it would be a good idea to get to a physician to have her checked for some of the following medical conditions. Women's Health website lists the top 10 causes for vaginal bleeding after sex: http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/menstruation/a/bleedaftersex.htm I am just reproducing the list, not the more detailed explanations. # Cervical Dysplasia # Chlamydia # Gonorrhea # Vaginitis or Cervicitis # Cervical Polyps # Trichomoniasis # Vaginal Yeast Infection # Endometritis or Adenomyosis # Uterine Polyps Don't be frightened by these strange sounding names. All of these conditions are treatable. But, yes see your doctor, definitely see your doctor if the condition repeats more than once.

Q.	I had sex with my boyfriend 3 times and he pulled out each time. My last period was September 28 and today is October 16. I had sex with my boyfriend on the 12, 13, and 14th. Is this prime ovulation time or not? What are the chances I’m pregnant? Can you give me some percentages?
Ans.	Depending on your individual cycle, those days could have been prime ovulation time. Pregnancy can only occur in the few days following ovulation. This usually takes place at some point in the middle of a woman's menstrual cycle, between her periods. Unfortunately, women have no definite way of knowing exactly when they are ovulating, so there is no guaranteed "safe" time to have unprotected sex. Even though your boyfriend "pulled out" he may have released some sperm inside you. This is because 'pre-come' (the lubricating fluid that leaks out of a man's penis before and during sex) can contain sperm. Sperm can survive inside the body for several days while they wait for an egg to be released, and the egg takes several days to travel to the uterus, meaning a woman can potentially become pregnant over quite a long period of time. This is why even unprotected sex during a woman's period can sometimes result in pregnancy. The likelihood of becoming pregnant from a single act of unprotected sex varies from person to person, and also depends on the stage of a woman's menstrual cycle. The probability is highest around the time of ovulation when, on average, up to one third of women will become pregnant from having sex once. So, don't have unprotected sex again. At the very least use a condom (for protection from STDs) although they aren't really certain for preventing pregnancy. For best results go on the pill and use a condom too. I wish you all the best and hope that you've been lucky this time.

Q.	I want to know when women are in heat?
Ans.	Woman are not like most other animals in that they don’t have a particular time during which they are more susceptible to sexual advances. There is some controversy about this and disagreement. Some claim women have higher libidos (higher sexual desire) when they are close to, having or just after the menstrual cycle. Some suggest the phase of the moon makes a difference. In any case, every woman is so unique in this regard that there is nothing anyone can say with any authority about this as a generalization for all women. Here is an excellent article about the menstrual cycle and libido. http://www.menstruation.com.au/periodpages/libido.html It is almost certainly true, however, that most women will have a time in their monthly cycle (possibly unique to them rather than shared by most other women) that predisposes them to wanting and seeking more sex. This will be related to hormonal shifts, health issues, energy demands upon them from other responsibilities in their lives, and specific circumstances that generate strong positive or negative emotions. Each woman, and their lovers will need to be observant over time to discover this shifting of libido, and then acting accordingly. In general we can deduce the following. 1. When testosterone is higher and estrogen lower the female is more interested in sex. Note, the balance between these two hormones is at least as important as the absolute levels in determining how libido will be affected. So, e.g., when testosterone is high relative to estrogen, the libido will be stronger. 2. If the female is healthy she will be more interested in sex. 3. If she is not exhausted from meeting all the other responsibilities of her life, she will be more interested in sex. 4. If she is experiencing strong positive emotions she will be more available for sex, and if she is experiencing strong negative emotions she will be less available.

Q.	Your materials on the Sexy Spiritual Relationships Membership website, all indicate that monogamy is preferable with the Tantric way. I would like to know, if that is not the desire of one or the other of the partners, is it still possible to follow the Tantric pathway together?
Ans.	Monogamy is a personal choice. It is a choice Pala and I have made. Our commitment to each other is a gift, given and received with enthusiasm and delight, never a burden, and certainly not something we do because we feel we have to. The commitment of fidelity is not something required because of some moral or ethical standard imposed upon us by any external authority. It is a natural expression of our love for each other. Having made that decision and honoring it for these many years we have been together (now going on 25 years), it has opened many spiritual doors to us and is a significant arrangement supporting our spiritual path. We have also chosen to make our relationship the most important thing in our lives; more important than our children, our work, or other interests (but of course that does not mean we neglect other important things), and more important than being right or winning when there are disagreements. Our relationship is our spiritual practice, and sacred sexuality is the primary form of our spiritual practice. The bond of commitment, fidelity, and monogamy create a secure platform, a cocoon of safety, and bring moral legitimacy to the most passionate sex imaginable between two lovers. On the other hand, there are many Tantricas (practitioners of Tantric sacred sexuality) that do not make fidelity and monogamy a part of their practice. There is a long tradition in Tantra of having multiple sexual partners, including group sex. Some have obviously found value in those practices, but we do not. Naturally we can only teach what we know and what we actually practice ourselves. But we would never claim that the approach we take to sacred sexuality is the only approach or the only truth, or the only path that works. These are choices and decisions each individual and each couple must make. It does pose a difficult challenge when one of the partners desires fidelity and monogamy but the other one wants a more open relationship sexually. In such a case each must look carefully at how important their position on this matter is to them. The crucial question is this: “Can I really expect to be happy (enduringly happy for a lifetime together) with a partner when we disagree on this, and can our relationship really thrive under such conditions?” If not, then you must find different partners. It is obviously easiest if you can both agree to make a commitment of fidelity in a monogamous relationship, or both agree on having a sexually open relationship.

Q.	My husband and I are trying to get pregnant but I feel we have a bit of a problem, and an embarrassing one at that. Every time he ejaculates it all comes back out. Not pleasant to say the least. Why is this happening?
Ans.	It's normal for semen to come out of the vagina after ejaculation — it's gravity! After intercourse you can elevate your hips to help keep the fluid inside and stay that way for 5 or 10 minutes. You might even have intercourse in a hip-elevated position, like this one from the Kama Sutra, called "Widely Opened". To experience the delights of Widely Opened, you lie on your back with your knees bent, your feet flat on the bed and comfortably apart, shoulder width or more, then raise your yoni into the air. Your eager lover kneels between your legs. You pull him deliciously close by grasping his hips. The most comfortable way to explore this wide-open position is to place a pillow or two beneath your back and buttocks. They will support your lower back so that you can relax and thoroughly enjoy yourself as he plunges deep inside you. Or, use a Liberator Shape like the wedge, as in this photo. For more info about Liberator Shapes go to this page at our website: http://tantra-sex.com/recommends/LiberatorShapes/ We also have an ebook about Kama Sutra and Liberator Shapes. http://www.tantra-sex.com/KamaSutraLiberatorShapes.html

Q.	If you have sex on your period and you become pregnant will your period stop after you have sex?
Ans.	I'm not exactly clear about your question, but I think you mean that if you become pregnant while you are having your period will it stop right away? It's not likely. It takes a little time for your body to respond to being pregnant. More likely your period would stop because of stress (mental and emotional and physical). If you're overtired, or worried, and so on. While you have less chance of becoming pregnant during your period you should still use reliable methods of birth control.

Q.	When you first have sex, aren’t you supposed to see blood? And if not, how could that be?
Ans.	Some women bleed when they first have intercourse, but not all. The reason is that the hymen, the membrane of skin at the entrance to the vagina which varies in thickness from woman to woman, can easily be broken in other ways. Vigorous exercise and inserting menstrual tampons are two of the most common ways the hymen breaks before intercourse.

Q.	Whenever I perform oral sex, my nose runs and my eyes tear. I don't gag, so it's not that. It's always been that way, why is this happening? It's actually quite annoying.
Ans.	You are having an emotional/psychological negative reaction (similar to an allergic reaction) to performing oral sex. Look inside and carefully examine your beliefs and assumptions about oral sex. Also consider any past traumatic or strong emotionally uncomfortable experiences with oral sex. To change yourself inside regarding oral sex, do this exercise repeatedly until your allergic reaction disappears. Create a visual image of yourself involved giving or receiving oral sex. Make sure the image is entirely positive including you having strong feelings of pleasure and being not only emotionally comfortable with the experience but also enjoying it immensely. Compare that image with a remembered image of you having the allergic reaction. Then send the allergic reaction away and hold onto the positive image. Say to yourself (inside your head, not out loud), “I choose to create this happy experience with oral sex.” Call up the allergic reaction and compare it with your happy image. Send the allergic reaction away, holding only the happy image in your awareness and say to yourself, “I choose to create this happy experience with oral sex. Repeat as often as necessary.”

Q.	Is it a big sin to had a phone sex? I am having a relationship with same sex and it’s a woman but we didn't have sex yet we just have a pleasure our self by phone sex or we called it masturbate and we plan to meet in person and maybe we also want to try to have sex or maybe kiss because we’re both curious what is it and I want to know if its sin or not so I could or we should not going to do it.
Ans.	What consenting adults do with their sexual lives is their decision. To decide if something is right for you, it's important to look deep into your own heart. Do you want to explore this relationship? Does it make you feel good about yourself? Do you feel pressured to try this or are you happy about the idea? Everyone has their own level of comfort with sexual expression. Allow yourself to find yours without being too influenced by what society says you should or should not be doing. Social morality and what is considered "sinful" changes over time. Trust your own conscience and judgment. Just make sure you take care of yourself and your partner, so that neither of you gets hurt emotionally or physically.

Q.	How can I make my girlfriend feel sexy verbally?
Ans.	The way you have worded your question could be asking how to get your girlfriend to reveal that she is feeling sexy by how she talks or makes sound. I assume however, that is not what you are asking, but rather, how can you make your girlfriend feel sexy by how you talk to her. First, a woman reveals she is feeling sexy by how she talks, how she moves her body, how she dresses and undresses, and in a million other ways that I will not go into here. The single most important thing about erotic talk is the timing (when you say it) rather than the content (what you actually say). Teasing erotic talk can lead into some pretty hot sex. As the excitement and arousal continue to build, erotic talk may switch into “dirty talk.” For a man to “talk dirty” (a variation of erotic talk) can be something most women will get turned on by, but only at the right moments during sexual arousal. Most women are turned off by “dirty talk” if they are not already far advanced in the excitement of passion. At the point where a woman is close to orgasm, talk including coarse language, explicit sexual descriptions, etc., may not only be welcome, she may give it right back at you. Erotic Talk – Instructions by Noted Sex Educators http://sexuality.org/talk.html Erotic and Dirty Talking Videos Sexy Justine with EnterCourse.TV has an interesting video on talking dirty. They also offer a number of other interesting videos with sex instruction. http://revver.com/video/297061/entercoursetv-sex-tips-episode-008-talking-dirty/ Revver features a nice selection of erotic and dirty talking videos. http://revver.com/video/740618/examples-of-talking-dirty-how-to-talk-dirty-to-my-boyfriend/

Q.	Why would a married man ask a woman if she has had sex with someone else, since they have not seen each other?
Ans.	I am not sure I understand your question, particularly the last part, “since they have not seen each other.” I assume you mean a married man is having or is considering having a sexual affair with another woman (not his wife). If that is the situation you have in mind, then of course he might enquire about her sexual history with other lovers. This is the age of AIDS after all and it is now well understood that when you have unprotected sex with someone, you are actually exposing yourself to a number of nasty and even deadly sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS. It would be a perfectly reasonable, rational, and intelligent question to ask a potential sex partner about their previous sexual activity. If you are not doing this with your sexual partners, I urge you to start doing so immediately. If you are embarrassed or offended by such questioning, you are living in a past that no longer exists, and doing so is at your own peril.

Q.	Why are men more willing to swallow semen while performing oral sex than women?
Ans.	We can only speculate about this, and of course each man and woman will have their unique preference and attitude about swallowing semen. Since semen comes from men, it would seem more likely that they might not mind swallowing something that they themselves create within their own body. This would almost certainly be true for men with a strong tendency to homosexuality. By contrast, men with a strong tendency to heterosexuality would likely find the idea of swallowing semen repugnant. Women will be somewhere in between these two positions, partly dependent upon previous experience and partly dependent upon beliefs, which in turn may come out of interpretations of the meaning of previous experiences and access to factual information and knowledge (which may or may not be accurate information). A person’s attitude about this is, like with most other things, powerfully influenced by past experiences. If a anyone, man or woman, has had a negative or traumatic experience involving the penis and ejaculate in the mouth, this will usually result in that person being reluctant to swallow. If the experience has been positive the chances are they will willingly swallow and probably enjoy it. Another factor, is the knowledge or lack of knowledge about the semen itself, e.g., is it clean, is it safe, is it nutritious, does it have emotional, energetic or spiritual value? The answer to all of these questions is yes. Semen is clean, safe, nutritious, and it carries emotional, energetic and spiritual value. All of the best of a man, energetically, goes into the production of his semen. This is a biological imperative directly relevant to survival of the species in reproduction. The semen is rich in nutritional value, vitamins, minerals and enzymes. It carries the essence of the life force, necessary for reproduction. Also, this is a situation in which the beliefs and assumptions of the individual largely determine the spiritual significance of it. You can make it of high positive value or something threatening, dirty and disgusting. So for each person it will be exactly what they make it to be.

Q.	I am currently involved with a guy who has a very large penis. It is between 8-10 inches long and 2.5 inches wide. I am wondering if having sex with him specifically rough sex can move or effect my IUD and cause problems with my bladder. After we have sex I experience stomach pains usually until a couple days later. I don't want to stop having sex with him but I think I might have to if sex with him is causing this problem.
Ans.	Yes, rough sex with someone with a very large penis can affect you internally. Here are some suggestions: Make sure you are very aroused before you have intercourse, especially for deep penetration with strong thrusting. When a woman is very excited her vagina expands — it's quite elastic. Try positions that don't give such deep penetration. When he's on top, keep your hips flat on the bed, and your legs closer together. Lying on your sides facing each other, or from behind, can also cut down on depth of penetration. If your legs are tight together he won't be able to go as deep inside you, but the pressure of your legs as his penis slides between them will give him lots of sensation along his length. Use woman on top positions — that way you can control the speed, angle and depth of thrusts. Experiment with different types of thrusting — it's not all about rapid, deep in and out. Try going slowly, try "screwing" (either of both of you circling your hips, try the shallow/deep thrusting technique explained below. Ask him to make the deep thrust a very slow one so that he doesn't hurt you. Shallow/Deep Thrusts The essence of this thrusting technique is to go nine shallow and one deep. The one deep thrust, besides varying sensory stimulation, forces the air out of the vagina. This creates a vacuum inside the vagina with the nine shallow thrusts which follow. The man never withdraws his penis completely: this would break the vacuum seal. Rather, he hovers at the outermost inches of the vagina which are covered with a dense set of nerves. The nine shallow, one deep rhythm is delightful for a woman. The vacuum has tremendous effect: she feels empty then full, empty then full. Shallow thrusts stimulate the plexus of nerves by the G spot. This point connects a vast network of nerves in the sexual organs with the rest of her body. It works well for men, because thrusting shallowly does not cause the same intensity as deep thrusting and consequently the man is able to resist ejaculation.

Q.	What can you still do sexually while the girl is on her period?
Ans.	Basically you can do all sorts of sexual activity while a woman is on her period. It depends entirely on how comfortable you are with the experience. Some people are put off by the blood, others aren't. In the Tantric tradition any bodily fluids related to sex are considered to be powerful and holy, including semen, saliva, vaginal secretions, and menstrual blood. If you are concerned about the mess use lots of dark towels under your bodies to absorb any blood. Make tidying up part of your sexual play, wash each other with respect and playfulness. For many women the days immediately before and during their periods are times of increased sexual desire. And, having orgasms is one of the best ways to help alleviate menstrual cramps and to help with mood swings. The endorphins released during sex help her feel really good. Remember to still use a condom and/or other protection while having sex during her period, to keep you safe from STDs and from unwanted pregnancy. Although it's less likely than at other times during her cycle, a woman can get pregnant during her period.

Q.	When my husband and i have sex its very enjoyable but after sex i have noticed that my vagina will swell, is that normal? It’s not like it happens all the time but when it does it stings to pee. Are we doing something wrong?
Ans.	Women have a great deal of erectile tissue in their genitals (as much as men in fact, but most of it is inside). During lovemaking all this tissue becomes engorged with blood and swells. Externally the clitoris engorged and you may also notice changes in your inner and outer labia. Inside, the vaginal canal thickens and engorges and the vagina expands, especially if you are highly aroused. The vagina can also become swollen after sex, particularly if you are making love for a long time and are quite vigorous during all kinds of vaginal penetration. It's like rubbing any part of your body for a long time, there will be a reaction. Make sure you are well lubricated. This helps cut down some of the friction that can cause irritation. If the swelling and stinging when you pee only last a little while then there shouldn't be much cause for concern. If they persist (last more than a day) you might want to check with your doctor to make sure you don't have some sort of infection.

Q.	I was wondering something when you suggested doing the tantric pleasuring exercise, and then ending it without ejaculating at all. Is this supposed to get your body used to enjoying the feeling without actually needing to ejaculate? I've tried it twice now, each time after a few dry semi-orgasms, and I've been able to successfully stop both times without ejaculating, and so I'm just wondering if this is actually training my body, and making it able to last longer.
Ans.	The idea is to accumulate a very high charge of life force energy in the form of hot sexual energy. This is then available for your use in all aspects of your life, but particularly opens you up to a dramatic expansion of your spiritual consciousness. Pleasure is a very small thing by comparison. Beware, as you practice building the energy without ejaculation, you must move it up through the body away from the prostate. Almost certainly, as you learn, you will build more energy than you can move and your prostate will become sore. This is not dangerous (unless you let it go on too long, i.e., over a period of weeks), it only means that you need to release the energy with an ejaculation. This will restore your comfort, and you can resume your practice of building the energy again. Once you have mastered being able to move the energy there will be no soreness of the prostate.

Q.	Actually in May I gave birth to a baby. After that my period was regular, but now two months passed and I missed my period. I did a pregnancy test and it was negative but my mother says sometimes it happens like this, so I am really worried. What do you think?
Ans.	You can miss your period for a number of reasons other than pregnancy. First, are you breastfeeding your baby? Often women who breastfeed don't have regular periods. Second, are you physically or emotionally stressed? Extreme exercise or physical exertion or emotional turmoil can cause women to miss periods. The only way to know for sure if you are pregnant or not is to consult a doctor.

Q.	I have been getting a rash when my boy friend gets ejaculate on my skin; not everywhere but some places. Why?
Ans.	Most probably you are experiencing an allergic reaction to his semen. This can be a reaction to the proteins in his semen or it can be a reaction to medications he may be taking or even foods he has eaten. You aren't alone in this, it happens to quite a few people. You can try using an anti-histamine such as you would for seasonal allergies to see if that helps. You can also use condoms to protect your skin. Condoms are important for protection from sexually transmitted infections as well and as a help in preventing pregnancy. Make sure you are practicing some form of safer sex.

Q.	I was just wondering, do you guys only focus on sex part of Tantra practice or others too?
Ans.	Our focus is on enlightenment. For us sex is sacred sex. We use our relationship as our spiritual practice and Tantric sacred sexuality is the primary form of that practice. But it is not only sex that is sacred, everything is sacred. Every act becomes a meditation, a practice to help us remember who we really are, and return to the full enlightened state.

Q.	What is a Uterus Infection? I've Been having buring sensations. Since the 3rd to last time me and my boyfriend have had intercousre.And it burns when he starts to put it in. It burns when he takes it out and it also burn when he stops. I told him It burns when he finger me too. But I always thought it was just having too much sex with him. He told me I have a uterus infection and I cannot have any children. I cannot find a website that has the sysptoms of what it is. Or a website on what it is period. Can someone please help me.
Ans.	Your boyfriend is right in that you probably do have an infection. But, it’s likely an infection in your vagina, not your uterus. There are quite a few types of vaginal infections. Lots of women get one or another of them at some time in their life. Most of these infections are easily treated and cleared up with anti-biotics or other medicines. And, it is rare that such infections would lead to you not being able to have children. The most important thing is that you go to a doctor or clinic to get an accurate diagnosis of precisely what type of infection you have. Right away, you can try using a salt water douche to help ease the discomfort while you are waiting for your doctor appointment. Here also some websites that you can refer to with more information on vaginal infections. www.emedicinehealth.com http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/vaginal_infections.html

Q.	I’m worried because I had a unprotected sex with my boyfriend, January 19. It was just a 5 minute thing. I asked him if he ejaculated and he said no, but I had my last period January 10 so I believe that I should have my next February the 9th. Is it a possibility that i might be pregnant?
Ans.	Yes, there is a possibility that you are pregnant. Anytime you have unprotected sex you stand the risk of getting pregnant. You also leave yourself wide open for sexually transmitted infections. Even if your boyfriend didn't ejaculate inside you, some sperm can escape from the penis before a full ejaculation starts. However, because your period is due any day now, don't worry about being pregnant just yet. Try to relax as you wait for your period to start. If you're too tense with worry this might cause your period to be late. If you do miss your period you need to wait until about 2 weeks after it was due to try a pregnancy test. Remember, for your health and happiness, don't have unprotected sex, even for just 5 minutes!

Q.	My boyfriend’s sperm is hot when it comes out? Why is this?
Ans.	The male sperm will be approximately body temperature when it is ejaculated. This is because anything from within the human body will come out at body temperature. How hot that temperature feels to you will depend on your own skin temperature and the room temperature. If your skin was somewhat cool when it came into contact with the sperm, the sperm would feel warm or perhaps even hot.

Q.	Can you get pregnant if your period is irregular and you had unprotected sex?
Ans.	You can get pregnant any time you have unprotected sex. The chances increase the closer you are to ovulation,but a woman can even get pregnant during her period. So, be smart NEVER have unprotected sex unless you want to get pregnant. Plus, you should also be protecting yourself against sexually transmitted infections. If you think you may be pregnant you won't be able to tell for sure until at least two weeks after you've missed a period. Testing before that won't give a true reading.

Q.	I had unprotected sex after taking the morning after pill. But he said he didn't cum in me. I took morning the after pill a week ago and had sex the same day. I started to bleed lightly today very dark though. What should i do ? I'm worried. Could I be pregnant or is it common?
Ans.	The morning after pill has a high rate of success for preventing pregnancies. Also, the beginning of a period typically would indicate that you are not pregnant. Also, he says he did not cum inside you. All of these things combined would almost surely indicate that you are NOT pregnant. We do not advise the regular use of morning after pills for birth control. They were never designed for that; nor were they tested for safety in that kind of use (frequent or daily). They would be used only in an emergency situation where unprotected sex happened in an unplanned way. The use of condoms or regular birth control pills would be preferable. Follow Up Question I see. Thank you for your answer. Today I started to bleed more and it looks like a light period. It doesn't hurt when I use the bathroom but it makes me worried. I'm already 23 but I’m still not ready for that. Could it mean I have HIV or some kind of infection? Or does this usually happen after using the morning after pill? I think I should take the birth control pill; I never have so far. I thought birth control pills were bad for health. Maybe I was wrong? ANSWER The morning after pill puts your body through a forceful chemical and hormonal purging process. This can definitely upset your normal body function as well as your emotional balance. This pill is relatively safe, but definitely not something to be used except in emergencies; certainly not as a form or regular birth control. On the other hand there are also long term health risks associated with the daily use of a birth control pill, whatever formula you might take. Physical forms of contraception such as condoms and diaphragms are much safer, but are subject to the risk you will not use them because they are inconvenient. But absolutely, it is imperative not to have unprotected sex unless you are prepared for pregnancy and are willing to take the risk of sexually transmitted disease.

Q.	I have been a practitioner of yoga for quite some time now, the 'heart and crown' approach. The tantric approach seems new to me, but I need to explore it in order to deal with sex. I have developed a good control for not ejaculating, and feeling the power of the afterglow. But now I have a semen build up and its causing aches. You say to let your body absorb it, or let it flow all over the body (I have even heard it going up the spine). But what can I do to spread the sex energy from below to the rest of the body or upwards? Is there a conscious exercise? If I let it go and ejaculate it would defeat the purpose of my efforts and drain me of the energy build up, leaving me in negative instead of having energy.
Ans.	Is sounds like you must be using control to stop the ejaculation. This is not a viable long-term strategy. Control is the enemy of ecstasy as control stops the flow of energy. The energy must move and flow if you are going to have any higher more spiritual experience. Focus your attention on what you do want, not on what you don't want. Up to now I would say you must have been focusing on what you don't want, ejaculation, but instead, focus on what you do want, to move and circulate the energy away from your genitals, up through the rest of your body. It is like a pressure cooker in the genitals, and as the hot sexual energy builds there, it will become painful, like an inflammation, if that energy is not released. Since you are able to stop the ejaculation, you are experiencing this discomfort. However, if you successfully move the energy away from your prostate, up through the rest of your body, you will not have any of that discomfort, even if you do not ejaculate. You move the energy by doing PC squeezes, i.e., squeeze the muscles in the genital area as if you were stopping the flow of urine mid-stream. Breath in a slow deep deliberate way, and visualize the energy moving from your genitals up the spinal column to the crown of your head, then down the front of your body back to your genitals. When you are finishing your practice, end by depositing the energy (putting your attention) in the belly chakra area, about halfway between the pubic bone and the navel. Follow Up Question Ok, in light of this I have just a few more questions. Can this practice be done after intercourse or sex, once the energy is in store, or does it only have to be done while either intercourse or masturbation? Does it work as the sexual activity is taking place? Because I have this idea that you build it up, and then you move it up on your own after the sexual encounter, if it is possible. Otherwise you are saying that while sexual activity is taking place, it is the best time to practice what you say? And lastly, what are you to do when you get the irresistible feeling to ejaculate, and not control it? Does it still even happen if your method is practiced correctly? Are you saying I just have to let it go? I just have trouble understanding the idea behind it in general. ANSWER You must learn to work with the hot sexual energy and this includes lots of practice alone and then you bring the skill and mastery into your actual lovemaking experience. In short, you practice these methods before, during and after lovemaking with a partner. I suggest you delay ejaculation by any methods possible for as long as possible (i.e., over a period of days, weeks and even months), but with the focus on learning to successfully move the hot sexual energy away from the prostate, not simply using muscular control and will power to stop the ejaculation. Continuously practicing, over a period of months, methods (as suggested in my previous answer above – PC squeezing, breathing, and visualization) for moving the energy will yield amazing results. However, in the meantime, whenever your prostate gets sore, you must then allow yourself to ejaculate to let off the accumulated energy, pressure, inflammation. After ejaculation your prostate will be returned to a state of comfort. It will not be helpful to beat yourself up psychologically and feel bad emotionally that you have somehow “failed” in your practice when you must ejaculate. On the contrary, I never suggest making ejaculation into an enemy, something bad or by its nature undesirable. Rather the idea is to learn mastery by which ejaculation becomes completely voluntary, if and when you (and your partner) are ready for it. When you do ejaculate, make it a celebration and if possible a joyful event filled with pleasure and love.

Q.	A woman that loves sex 24/7 is called a nymphomaniac, but what is the term for a sex obsessed man?
Ans.	Nymphomania – Women; Sytariasis - Men In mythology, sytar were forest dwelling goat-men who would get drunk and chase the nymphs. Hypersexuality is the desire to engage in human sexual behavior at a level high enough to be considered clinically significant. Hypersexuality is characterized by a debilitating need for frequent genital stimulation which, once achieved, may fail to result in the expected long-term sexual—or emotional—satisfaction. This dissatisfaction is what is believed to encourage the heightened frequency of sexual stimulation, as well as additional physiological and neurological symptoms. The concept of hypersexuality replaces the older concepts of nymphomania (or furor uterinus) and satyriasis. Nymphomania was believed to be a female psychological disorder characterized by an overactive libido and an obsession with sex. In males the disorder was called satyriasis (for etymology of the words, see nymph and satyr). "Nymphomania" and "satyriasis" are no longer listed as specific disorders in the DSM-IV, though they remain a part of ICD-10. The threshold for what constitutes hypersexuality is subject to debate, and critics question whether a standardized diagnostic threshold even exists. Sex drive varies widely in humans; what one person would regard as a normal sex drive might be deemed to be excessive by some and low by others. The consensus among those who consider this a disorder is that the threshold is met when the behavior causes distress or impaired social functioning. Source: www.reference.com http://www.reference.com/search?r=13&q=Satyriasis

Q.	Not to take away from the joy of sex, but health wise, in medical terms how often should a man at age 27 experience sex and or self satisfy?
Ans.	A male age 27 is young enough that unless there is some existing health challenge, he can engage in sexual acts as often as he wants to. The question of ejaculation is interesting for all males to consider. It would be a great advantage for a young male to begin learning how to delay the ejaculation response, cultivate a high sexual energy charge, and circulate that energy up through the body rather than release it with an ordinary ejaculation. This makes possible orgasm without ejaculation, and multiple orgasms. Accumulating this energy and working with it consciously can yield a significant competitive advantage (in sport, art, business, etc.) to any male who masters it.

Q.	I enjoy anal sex, but ever since having children, the muscles aren't as strong as they should be and I worry about flatulence, incontinence, etc. Does anal sex permanently damage the muscle? Is there any way to strengthen a weak muscle?
Ans.	Anal sex would not normally harm you anal sphincter and tissues, although extremely rough anal sex could cause damage. Yes you can strengthen and tone all of the muscles in the entire genital and anal area with squeezing exercises done daily. The squeeze would be the same as if you were holding back from peeing or stopping the flow of urine mid-stream (for the vulva), and holding back on a bowel movement for the anus. Squeeze and hold for approximately 6-8 seconds, then relax the squeeze. Work up gradually to doing perhaps 100 squeezes per day over say the next 2 weeks, then continue 100 per day after that. Within approximately 2 weeks you should notice considerable improvement in toning, strength and pleasurable sensitivity.

Q.	Why is it when I have sex doggie style it hurts me; it feels like they are hitting my bladder?
Ans.	It could be the angle or depth of penetration that's causing you discomfort. It could also be the speed and forcefulness of thrusting. Other factors can be the size of your vagina compared to the size of your partner's penis. Here are some suggestions to experiment with: 1. try only engaging in rear-entry positions later on in lovemaking, when you are very aroused. Your vagina will engorge, expand and lubricate more as you become more excited so there's room for more of him. 2. try slower, less deep thrusts 3. try changing the angle of penetration — for instance, if you're normally on all fours with your back straight, parallel to the bed, try bending over further, down on your elbows or bend your back so that your chest is on the bed. If none of these help, you might consider a gynecological exam to see if there's anything out of alignment internally.

Q.	My boyfriend and I are thinking about having sex soon (it almost happened already), and he told me he's going to pull out with a condom on though because he doesn’t wanna cum in me. He keeps asking me what I want him to do when he cums, but I thought since he's wearing a condom the sperm goes in there? What are some options he's maybe referring to?
Ans.	Condoms are almost perfect protection, but there can be problems. For example the condom could slip off if not put onto the penis to the full length, or if the man remains inside you after he comes and the penis shrinks rapidly, it is quite easy for the condom to slip off. Absolutely, do not keep having active thrusting intercourse after he ejaculates and starts losing his erection. As soon as his penis starts to shrink after the ejaculation, he should pull out to avoid any risk of leakage of sperm into the vagina. Another risk is that the condom could become compromised with a tear or pinhole leak. These things don't happen frequently but they do happen. Condoms are normally made from latex. But latex deteriorates if it comes into contact with oil, e.g., massage oil. Never use an oil based lubricant if you are using a condom. There are also vinyl condoms and they do not deteriorate with contact with oil. Also, there are water based and silicone based lubricants that are safe for use with latex condoms. Ordinarily, if the man is wearing a condom, there is no need to pull out at the point of ejaculation, since all sperm will be contained inside the condom and none will gain entry to the vagina, but keep the above mentioned cautions in mind.

Q.	I have a question regarding the bleeding after the first time having sex. I had sex for the first time this past Saturday, and it is now Wednesday and I am still bleeding, like I am on my period. My period isn't due till sometime next week. Will this bleeding cease, should I be worried? I know that it's regular for girls to bleed, either for a couple hours or a couple days, but it's been 5 days now. Please help.
Ans.	Bleeding after first time sex Is normal, as you already know. Some possible reasons you've continued to bleed for 5 days: 1. your period may have been early 2. you may have torn vaginal tissues 3. you may have an STI. If this happens again, you should consider seeing your doctor.

Q.	You have indicated that it is possible to delay ejaculation for weeks or even months at a time. You also mentioned that sometime you're having a quickie. So do you ejaculate during the quickies?
Ans.	No, I do not ejaculate during quickies. I find ejaculation tires me out and almost completely obliterates any remaining libido (sexual desire) and the older you get the more noticeable that effect of ejaculation becomes. That is a pretty high price to pay for a few minutes of pleasure and a few seconds of ejaculatory release. If you wish to master this, my recommendation is to ejaculate as infrequently as possible, but as soon as your prostates starts to get sore, then you must ejaculate to release the built up pressure and restore comfort and protect the prostate. If you can’t resist ejaculation during quickies, then my recommendation is don’t indulge yourself in quickies until your mastery over the ejaculation response improves.

Q.	About Al and Pala's Sacred Sex Workshops
Ans.	1. How, why and when did you start teaching workshops? Al and Pala have been practicing Tantra sacred sexuality since 1987. We started on this spiritual path when we had a spontaneous mystical experience during our extended lovemaking. At one point during lovemaking when we had become very still and quiet, an energetic current began to course through our bodies bringing to us a superb and sublime physical pleasure from head to toe. Simultaneous with that ecstatic pleasure was an awareness of no boundaries between our physical bodies. We merged as one. Then our consciousness expanded in an instant out to infinity and we merged with all and everything. After that experience we began to search for reports by others about similar experiences and discovered Tantric and Taoist sacred sexuality practices dating back thousands of years in India and China. We began to explore the teachings of those spiritual systems and sacred sex became our hobby. After approximately 10 years of continuous practice, we had experienced such a profound spiritual awakening and a flourishing of our love in relationship together, that we decided to share what we had learned with others. We offered our first workshops late in 1997. 2. What draws you to work in sexual education and health? Our relationship is our spiritual practice and sacred sexuality is the primary form of that practice. We are relationship mentors and believe that the spiritual path we have created, Enlightenment for Two is a path any couple can follow if they are willing to make the effort to learn how to create love for a lifetime together. Following this path provides couples with many benefits including these: Relationship Happiness Extraordinary Health - Super Boosted Immune System Ecstatic Sexuality Graceful Aging High Energy Super Creativity Peak Perfomance Abundance Love One of the shortest quickest paths available leading all the way to Enlightenment for Two 3. Can you tell me a bit about why you are passionate about this workshop topic? We only teach what we actually do to keep our own relationship, hot, sexy, vital, and flourishing. We have been sharing our approach to sacred sexuality and relationship happiness for over a decade with hundreds of couples and virtually all of them have benefited by what they have learned. We have also saved many an marriage with this teaching.

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