Questions About Male Sexual Mastery |
| Q. | How can I learn to last longer before I ejaculate? I have heard that 2-5 minutes is an average time males last, but that is not acceptable for me or my partner | |
| Ans. | Several minutes might be average, but who wants to be average. With some disciplined effort you can learn to delay your ejaculation indefinitely, thus making your ejaculation response completely voluntary. Then you ejaculation only if and when you want to.
Here are two by free articles by Al Link and Pala Copeland (also your hosts on this AskAboutLoveAndSex Blog), that can help you learn how to do this.
Voluntary Ejaculation - www.tantra-sex.com/ummspring02.html
Simple Techniques for Masturing Ejaculation - www.tantra-sex.com/tantra-article2.html
Here are several books with additional information.
Taoist Secrets of Love: Cultivating Male Sexual Energy by Mantak Chia, Michael Winn
Mantak Chia is a master who gives detailed descriptions of the "how-to" of moving sexual energy. The methods he proposes are very disciplined, so work best for people who like structure and have lots of patience and self-discipline. This book is also good for individuals, not in relationship, because so much of the work is done on one's own. Because Chia's work derives from the Taoist tradition (as opposed to Tantric) there is more emphasis on the physical and practical than the mystical, emotional aspects of the work.
The Multi-Orgasmic Man : Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know by Mantak Chia, Douglas Abrams Arava
The Multi-Orgasmic Man is an excellent step-by-step how-to manual for achieving sexual ecstasy. Don't let the title fool you, this book is for women as well as men. Here are some quotes from the book that describe the benefits of Sexual Kung Fu. But to get the benefits you have to do the work. This book shows you how to do the work. I have used the techniques, which are also in Chia's more advanced earlier text, Cultivating Male Sexual Energy, for the past 12 years. My partner and I now teach workshops to pass on the word.
Ejaculation Control Manual for Extended Lovemaking by David Routh and Tom Newhouse
This book gives instructions and exercises to help a man learn how to maintain an erection indefinitely for extended lovemaking.
How to Make Love All Night (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking)
by Barbara Keesling
A reader from California: When I first saw the title, I sneered. But curiosity impelled me to at least give it a glance. Dr. Keesling is not kidding. This book is no joke. It is a clear, systematic, organized approach to what for most men is only a daydream. It is also an approach to what a good many women have said in no uncertain terms was just what they wanted. It is also outrageously funny. But do what she says and it will work!
How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation by Helen Singer Kaplan
Booknews, Inc:
Guidance for the layman by a respected professional.
The New Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D.
Synopsis: The extraordinary successor to the classic Male Sexuality, which has more than 600,000 copies in Bantam mass market print. Unlike other books on sexuality, this guide pulls together the latest information on sexual dysfunction, enhancing pleasure, and improving communication between men and women. | |
| | | Q. | What can do about premature ejaculations for both parties? | |
| Ans. | Here are 2 article to help men learn ejaculation mastery.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummspring02.html
http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantra-article2.html
Also, this eBook is excellent for helping men learn ejaculation mastery.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ebooks.html#Ejaculation
We have never considered it a problem if a female comes quickly. Our suggestion is for her to learn about circulating the hot sexual energy up through the entire body, rather than keeping it all in the genitals.
Here is an article to help females learn to move their sexual energy.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
Also, this eBook is excellent for that as well.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ebooks.html#Orgasm | |
| | | Q. | I was just reading your article and noticed that you say the key to whole body orgasms is to keep your pc muscle relaxed all the time while you are either masturbating or having sex. I'm just wondering if you're supposed to keep them relaxed all the way through orgasm or as some other things I've read say, squeeze your pc muscle extremely hard right before orgasm. Any reply would be appreciated. | |
| Ans. | The idea is to keep your entire body relaxed regardless of how sexually aroused you become. The exception is to pull up on the perineum.
The perineum is that patch of skin between the testicles and the anus. At first when you try to pull up on that muscle you will also contract other muscles at the same time. Keep practicing until you can tighten just one muscle at a time. For example just tighten your anus, just pull up your testicles, just tighten the right buttocks (or the left buttocks), just pull up on the perineum.
Work up to doing between 100 and 300 squeezes of the perineum per day, holding each squeeze for a count of 1001-1002-1003. Within about two weeks you should notice a considerable change in your lovemaking experience.
If you stay relaxed throughout your entire body (except the perineum), if you are successful at getting the energy to move away from your prostate and up through the rest of your body, and if the lovemaking has been extended for a long enough period of time (for example several hours), at some point you will naturally experience orgasm without ejaculation and this will be an orgasm that involves most of the upper portion of your body. | |
| | | Q. | I have a question about the PC pump exercise. I understand doing it after you feel the urge of ejaculation starting, while you are still and working on breathing deeply. It works. Is it something you can do during intercourse to stop the urge to ejaculate from developing. This wasn't clear in the book.Also During lovemaking, which is the best way to do the PC pumps, kind of randomly every few thrusts, or to do less, but hold it for 10 seconds like in the exercises. | |
| Ans. | Yes, definitely. Also, do perhaps 100 pc pumps each day, not related to lovemaking, to build endurance, tone and strengthen the muscles, and increase your ability to delay ejaculation during lovemaking.
Read the full instructions for PC squeezing here.
http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/444-key-to-whole-body-orgasms-pc-muscle-relaxed/
You must experiment and see what works best for you. The danger is to get so pre-occupied with the PC squeezing that you lose the wonderful energetic connection with your lover. A bit of that is probably inevitable, but you will find once you discover your own method, that you can do the squeezing without distracting yourself from your partner. And, actually, you will get to the point that you can move the hot sexual energy without any physical squeezing at all, simply by placing your attention along your spinal column from the coccyx to the crown of your head. This requires that your body knows how to do it, requiring many skill set repetitions to attain. | |
| | | Q. | How does prostate massage affect a man’s ejaculation response? | |
| Ans. | There are 2 types of prostate massage: external and internal. We normally suggest either or both of these to help men learn to delay ejaculation, but the internal prostate massage can also be used to bring on an ejaculation.
When you use a prostate massage to help a man delay ejaculation, the idea is to help the prostate discharge the accumulated hot sexual energy (without an ejaculation), then moving that energy up through the body away from the prostate. This leaves the prostate in a state of relaxation and delays the urgency to ejaculate prematurely (before they or their partner are ready).
If you are using an internal prostate massage (reaching the prostate through the man’s anus), to encourage ejaculation, this practice is commonly referred to as “prostate milking.” With prostate milking, you continue to stimulate the prostate with direct contact, reaching into the man’s anus—touching, probing, rubbing, etc. until the man is brought to an ejaculation.
Perineum Massage (External Prostate Massage)
The perineum is the area between the anus and scrotum. It is sometimes referred to as the “million dollar spot” or “male p-spot” (compared to the g-spot for women as a source of pleasure). Men love it when their partner pleasures them with their hands or mouth by tapping, pressing, massaging, licking and sucking this highly sensitive erogenous zone.
The perineum is also a key for any man learning to delay ejaculation because the prostate gland can be stimulated and massaged directly through the perineum. Massaging the prostate through the perineum is one of the surest ways to move excess sexual energy away from the area.
http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/uploads/Image/image001.png
Apply your fingers as shown in the diagram. Press into the perineum, at about the halfway point—slightly closer to the anus than the scrotum—until you feel a firm lump (the prostate is about the size of a small walnut or a large grape). Rotate your fingers clockwise and counterclockwise alternately for two-three minutes. Experiment with various pressures and speed until you discover the right combination for best results. This will vary over time. An excellent variation is to fold a piece of silk over and massage the perineum through the silk which seems to have special energy dispersion properties, to say nothing of its sensual slippery softness. We highly recommend a short prostate massage through the perineum after every session of lovemaking.
Anal Prostate Massage
The prostate can be reached internally through the anus. Men can hold a great deal of tension in the genital area, and particularly around the anus. Most heterosexual men are comfortable with the act of penetrating a woman during intercourse, but are much less comfortable (or possibly even terrified!) with the idea of being penetrated through the anus during lovemaking or as part of an energy circulating exercise. For a male to allow himself to be entered through the anus requires serious surrender. The lover being penetrated is in a most vulnerable position, and men are used to being in control.
Exploring internal prostate massage through anal penetration is one of the quickest ways for men to learn surrender in the art of love. If your lover is skilled, an internal prostate massage is also a source of extraordinary pleasure. There are a number of excellent videos to help you learn how to give an anal prostate massage or anal pleasure massage. Any man who learns how to receive this pleasure will never again be referred to as “tight ass”.
- The man lies on his stomach with the option of placing a towel-covered pillow under his hips for a better angle of penetration.
- Encourage relaxation by gently rocking his body back and forth and applying light massage to his shoulders, back, buttocks and thighs.
- Wear latex gloves (use vinyl if there is any latex sensitivity or allergy). Use a generous amount of lubricant (silicone-based lubricants are recommended) and begin massaging the tissues around the anus with circular motions and gentle stretching.
- Remember to breathe slowly and deeply.
- Take as long as required to coax the anal muscles into complete relaxation.
- Only proceed when the anal tissues open and invite you to come in. With your palm facing down toward the floor, insert an index finger, very slowly and very gently, into the anal canal.
- Approximately one or two inches into the rectum, you will feel the prostate gland (a firm lump about the size of a small walnut or a large grape). Gently circle the prostate with your finger and experiment with pressing on it at various points with alternating pressure and firmness according to your lover’s reaction.
- With your free hand continue massaging other parts of his body. Also, you can press the heel of your hand on his sacrum at the coccyx.
- When you are ready to stop, remove your finger with tantalizing slowness.
- Wash yourself and your lover thoroughly using soap and water.
| |
| | | Q. | My husband and I have a loving relationship and an average sex life, however, he has never been able to ejaculate from having sex with me. He can only ejaculate by self stimulation and that is often a struggle. Do you have any ideas to help with this issue? | |
| Ans. | Ejaculating quickly is the most common ejaculation issue facing most men, but not being able to ejaculate when they want to does affect some men. Here are a few ideas to help a man ejaculate more quickly.
1. Sexual Intercourse Positions
There are many sexual intercourse positions that help build sexual arousal very quickly. These positions are ideal for men who are slow to ejaculate.
You can view photo illustrations of a large number of sexual intercourse positions at our blog.
Sexual Intercourse Positions
Postures that combine opposites (rear entry, head to feet, mouth to groin) build erotic excitement and generate a high sexual charge rapidly. These positions are often referred to as “quickies.” All opposite positions are useful for any man with difficulty getting and maintaining an erection, or difficulty ejaculating when they want to, because they are so arousing so fast. All opposite positions are to be avoided by the man who ejaculates prematurely.
Here are a few examples of opposites quickie sexual intercourse positions.
Tantra & Kama Sutra Sex Positions - "Opposites"
http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/110-tantra-kama-sutra-sex-positions-opposites/,/i>
Tantra & Kama Sutra Sex Positions - Opposites - "Gorilla"
http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/116-tantra-kama-sutra-sex-positions-opposites-gorilla/
Tantra & Kama Sutra Sex Positions - Opposites-"See Saw"
http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/115-tantra-kama-sutra-sex-positions-opposites-see-saw/
Tantra & Kama Sutra Sex Positions - Opposites -"Backslide"
http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/113-tantra-kama-sutra-sex-positions-opposites-backslide/
Standing quickie sexual intercourse positions.
Tantra & Kama Sutra Sex Positions Standing - “Clinging To The Tree”
http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/90-tantra-kama-sutra-sex-positions-standing-clinging-to-the-tree/
Tantra & Kama Sutra Sex Positions – Standing
http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/89-tantra-kama-sutra-positions-standing/
Also, many men find the woman on top positions quickly arousing.
Kama Sutra Sexual Intercourse Positions - Woman On Top - "Sleeping Dragon"
http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/38-kama-sutra-sexual-intercourse-positions-woman-on-top-sleeping-dragon/
Kama Sutra Sexual Intercourse Positions - Woman On Top Varaiations
http://www.askaboutloveandsex.com/37-kama-sutra-sexual-intercourse-positions-woman-on-top-varaiations/
2. Thrusting Techniques
Generally fast and deep thrusting will help a man ejaculate quickly. Slow and shallow thrusting help a man delay ejaculation.
3. Size of Lingam and Yoni
The tighter the fit between lingam (penis) and yoni (vagina) the more stimulated the penis will be and the quicker a man will ejaculate. The female can create a tighter fit for her man by keeping her legs flat on the bed and also holding her legs somewhat closed. The more the lady’s legs are raised and the wider they are spread, the more open the vagina will be, offering a looser fit during intercourse. It would be especially important for the woman to hold her legs closer together if the lingam is small relative to the size of the yoni. It would be better for the woman to hold her legs up and apart if the lingam is large relative to the yoni.
4. You may also experiment with products that stimulate the penis toward ejaculation more quickly. Here is an example of a topical spray for this purpose.
China Brush
http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/view.html?a=a455p35&pnum=NW0205
A topical spray that excites and stimulates the male and female sex organs. Spray two doses onto the head of the penis before having sex.
5. Visualization
Be sure to use visualization and focused attention to assist in achieving ejaculation. Beware of thinking about what you don’t want, e.g., difficulty ejaculating when you want to. Instead, only allow yourself to think about ejaculating easily, whenever you want to. Take a few moments before commencing lovemaking with your partner. Visualize a quick, smooth, easy, pleasurable ejaculation. Then during lovemaking, keep thinking and visualizing the same.
Some combination of the 5 things mentioned here will almost certainly yield the desired outcome of being able to ejaculate more quickly or when you want to. | |
| | | Q. | How do I make my penis larger? | |
| Ans. | Concern over penis size is understandable but unfortunate. There are methods to increase penis length and thickness and I will point you in the direction of a penis pump used for that purpose, but do not recommend the use of pumps, and certainly all pills or oral supplements are useless.
The useful and proper question is how can I find a match with someone so that my penis fits perfectly with her vagina. You don't need to fix yourself, just find the right partner. When you fit together, size is not an issue at all.
Here is an excellent penis pump if you must use such a device to try and gain some personal confidence in your sexuality, but once again, your time and money would be better spent learning the fine art of lovemaking, increasing your sexual knowledge and skill, for example with some good books or workshops.
Penis Pumps
http://www.sextoysex.com/sex/start/products/penis-enlargers.html?a=a455p35
Good Sexuality Books
http://www.tantra-sex.com/BooksAboutRelationshipsAndSex.html
Good Sexuality Workshops
http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantra.html
Audio Tantra Home Study Course
http://www.tantra-sex.com/audiobooks/ | |
| | | Q. | I've been reading your Soul Sex: Tantra For Two. and it's a great book, but our relationship problem is that at age 31 and after about 3½ months he began experiencing erectile dysfunction. We've had sex once since then. What can I do? I'm so miserable because it's hurting his pride and he's less affectionate and defensive about it. He's seeing a therapist but honestly, I see mine more often than he does. Whenever he tries to make an appointment for testosterone testing or what have you, the Dr. is out of town or something. Al, any advice on how to handle him through this intensely awful situation? I want to spend my life with him. But I think I need to leave him. My life was fuller with him in it, and then he went away. | |
| Ans. | Erectile dysfunction is very common, but needs to be handled with extreme delicacy as a man's fragile ego is involved. There are a lage number of contributing factors and I have no way of knowing which may be involved with your man, but our eBook Voluntary Ejaculation: Masculine Sexual Mastery is a complete guide for any man to regain full erections and overcome premature ejaculation. You can find it at our website www.tantra-sex.com and it costs less than $10. Get a copy of that and give it to him. If he wants to help himself then that eBook will guide him to do what needs to be done to overcome the problem.
At the very least he must start doing PC squeezes, working up to about 100 per day over a 2-3 week period and continuing daily after that. The squeeze is the same as stopping the flow of urin mid-stream.
Also, he can add these supplements to his daily diet.
200 mg. Pycnogenol
500 mg. non-flush Niacin
400 mg. Horny Goat Weed
3 g. L-Arginine
If he has any history of herpes do not take the L-Arginine. | |
| | | Q. | I have frequent wet dreams which are messy and embarrassing. Is there any way to stop them? | |
| Ans. | Wet dreams are dreams during which the male ejaculates in his sleep. Though a bit messy and inconvenient, there is no harm in having wet dreams. They are completely natural for all men and usually much more frequent for boys between the ages of 12-14, but not uncommon for men of all ages, even into their 60s and 70s.
It is generally assumed that wet dreams result from the buildup of semen in the body which must be released, so the body does the release automatically during sleep. There is no known method for stopping wet dreams, but many have reported that they can reduce or eliminate wet dreams if they have more frequent sex and/or masturbation.
Experiment with masturbating each evening before going to sleep to test this theory for yourself. | |
| | | Q. | My husband can achieve orgasm without ejaculation by stimulating 2 nerves, muscles, or something above the penis on the lower torso . I can’t find any info as to what this area is. I or he can do the stimulation which produces an orgasm which he feels is more like a female orgasm. What is this? I can’t find and answer anywhere. He also has an indentation near it that I can put a knuckle of a bent finger “into” as if I were penetrating him. HELP! I am not sure what I am stimulating but he would rather have this kind of orgasm than ejaculating. Although, he still ejaculates to keep a healthy prostrate. Can you give me some guidance? | |
| Ans. | You haven't given a description of the exact location but here are some possibilities. There are many sensitive spots that can be very pleasurable and even orgasmic.
For instance pressing at the base of the penis on either side of the shaft can stop the ejaculation response and if the man has built up enough sexual charge he can still have an orgasm without ejaculating.
Also there are a number of acupressure spots in the groin crease, along the pubic bone and on the stomach (in a straight line from two finger widths below the navel to the pubic bone) that can give great pleasure especially when highly aroused. Women too can experience orgasm through these spots –particularly the "gate of origin" spot on the row of acupressure points that runs from below the navel to the pubic bone.
Also your husband does not have to ejaculate to keep a healthy prostate. As long as he moves the hot sexual energy away from the prostate he can learn to have many orgasms without ejaculation. This actually has great health benefits because he will not lose all that sexual energy that leaves with ejaculation. The Taoists of China practiced this for many, many years as a means of prolonging life as well as gaining great pleasure.
You can find out more about orgasm without ejaculation and its benefits in a number of ways. A good place to start are these two articles:
How to Give Her More Than She Can Handle: Simple Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation
http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantra-article2.html
Voluntary Ejaculation
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummspring02.html
Also our ebook Voluntary Ejaculation http://www.tantra-sex.com/EjaculationMastery.html gives a very complete map of how to do this and has lots of info about keeping a healthy prostate. There is also an excellent book by Mantak Chia called the Multi-Orgasmic Man. | |
| | | Q. | I never use to have a problem in the past with serious relationships in getting a man to come with oral sex. My boyfriend and I are happily together for over 2½ years. He never like oral until I did it to him because a former girlfriend bit him. My problem is that I can never get him to come, ever, in all this time we have been together, but he loves oral anyway because of me. He doesn't seem to care because we please each other in other ways. So any suggestions? | |
| Ans. | Let go of any concern with whether or not your man ejaculates during fellatio. Having a goal of ejaculation is one of the ways to interfere with the natural organic ejaculatory response. Ironically, when you drop the performance expectation of getting to the ejaculation, you will likely discover that he is able to ejaculate more easily, if he wants to.
Beware if you have a belief or assumption that to really please him and satisfy him, he must ejaculate. On the contrary, what most men want is to stay at the height of pleasure longer, not end it with an ejaculation.
Once a man learns about cultivating and moving his hot sexual energy up through his body, he can have multiple orgasms without ejaculating at all. It would be better for your man to learn that than to figure out how to ejaculate, which only makes him tired in exchange for a few seconds of pleasure. But orgasms without ejaculation do not make you tired, and the man does not lose his erection, so the lovemaking can be extended for longer periods of time, so he is not giving anything up by not ejaculating. On the contrary he will gain a great deal more pleasure than he gives up. | |
| | | Q. | My problem is my sperm is go down before doing sexual activities. So how can I take a control? | |
| Ans. | I am not sure I understand your question. I think you are saying that you ejaculate even before intercourse, which would make intercourse impossible.
There are 2 free articles we (Al Link and Pala Copeland) have written that give detailed instructions for learning ejaculation mastery, which would enable you to last longer before ejaculating.
Voluntary Ejaculation
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummspring02.html
Simple Techniques for Mastering Ejaculation
http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantra-article2.html
You can find even more detailed instruction in our eBook Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Sexual Mastery.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ebooks.html#Ejaculation
One of the most basic methods is to use masturbation to help you learn to delay the ejaculation response. Arouse yourself close to ejaculation, then stop the arousal and wait for the hot sexual energy to subside. Begin the stimulation again and build your arousal, then back off before you ejaculate. Start by only going to, say 50% close to ejaculation, then back off, wait until you are calmed down, begin again, then go to 60% close, then 70%, etc. This should help you when you are in sexual contact with a partner.
The other essential thing to do is work up to approximately 100 PC (stands for pubococcygeus, the group of muscles extending from the pubic bone to the coccyx – the tip of the tail bone). Squeeze this group of muscles as if you were stopping the flow of urine midstream. Don’t try to squeeze as hard as possible because it is not how hard you squeeze that matters. The important thing is to identify the muscles in that area and gain the ability to tighten and relax them one at a time. Hold the squeeze for perhaps 8 seconds, then relax and repeat. Build up to doing 100 per day over the course of, say, two weeks, rather than trying to do 100 all the first day, otherwise you will get sore. After a month of so of this practice you will have strengthened and toned those muscles significantly. When you do this PC squeezing during lovemaking, you will be able to move the hot sexual energy up through your body, away from the genitals and your prostate, and this is one of the secrets enabling men to delay ejaculation during lovemaking. | |
| | | Q. | I have had this problem all my life. Sometimes I get nerves before I have sex and I can't hold an erection because my mind is everywhere but having sex. Other times I am calmed down and I am fine. My problem is the last three times I went to have sex I got nerves and now I don't want to try for fear of it happening again. What do you think I should do? | |
| Ans. | Here is a simple, but powerful meditation to help you get out of your head but stay in your body and in the moment.
Sensory Information Meditation
Focus directly on the information coming to your awareness through your 5 senses: seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting, and touching. Take in the sensory information directly, but stop short of going on to name what you see, smell, hear, taste and feel (kinesthetic sensation, not emotional feeling, e.g., heat, pressure, weight, friction contact, etc). It would be as if you were an infant and you did not have any names for these sensations.
As soon as you name something, it will be almost instantaneous that your mind will grab hold of it and run along a track of thought, and you will be in your head thinking about something, or worse, worrying about something. As soon as you realize you are thinking, immediately return to taking in the sensory information again; just noticing, just watching, just witnessing the direct sensory information.
Repeatedly pull yourself back again to the sensory information each time you realize you are thinking. Practicing this while not in a lovemaking situation will prepare you for doing this during lovemaking, and you should find that you no longer have erection difficulties. | |
| | | Q. | I have been together with my man for around 3 years. He was a virgin before he knows me and we used to have rather frequent sex. However, things changed for the past 1 year, ever since I'm back from my 6 months overseas exchange, we seldom does it (once a month). And the reasons he gave is that the urge is lesser as he grows older (and mind you he is just 22!)and that he is simply not as horny as the other guys. I am not sure if its true… | |
| Ans. | There are several possibilities.
Age 22 is prime sexuality age (typically with hormones raging and sex drive at a maximum) so “getting older” is not the cause of the problem.
1. His testosterone level may have dropped suddenly due to some undiagnosed medical condition, or if he has started taking some medication, that could explain the sudden change in his libido. He can have his medical status checked by his physician. If a medical condition is diagnosed, he can begin treatment. If low libido is related to some prescription drug he is taking, then his physician may be able to change his prescription so drugs will not interfere with his libido to the same extent.
2. Heavy recreational drug use can also seriously interfere with libido. If this is the cause, reducing the drug consumption should restore libido within a few days to two weeks. Drugs known to interfere with libido (reduce sexual desire) and sexual performance (e.g., interfere with getting and keeping erections) include heavy use of nicotine (cigarette smoking), THC (marijuana and hashish), alcohol, caffeine (coffee and tea), and combinations of these drugs can be the worst scenario.
3. He may have lost interest in you, so you do not turn him on sexually any longer, indicating, the relationship could be near the end, unless you find out the reason and correct it. While you were gone he may have started to have sexual relations with other partners. Ask him directly about this possibility, and mutually agree on a desired course of action. While you were gone, you may have had other sexual partners and this may be bothering him with strong negative emotions, thus reducing his libido. If this is the case you must somehow reassure him so he feels again secure and that you really love him and sexually desire him, not someone else.
4. He may be suffering from sexual performance anxiety, particularly if you have had other sexual partners while away. If so, he could be afraid he will not be able to perform well (or as well as he might imagine your other lovers would perform, i.e., he compares himself with other lovers and feels inadequate), and this would shut down his libido. He may have concerns about being able to get and maintain an erection, and/or about his ability to last long enough before he ejaculates to satisfy you, and these fears can reduce libido drastically. Remedy: drop any goal of getting to orgasm and simply focus on giving and receiving pleasure. Let orgasm take care of itself.
5. He may be masturbating excessively, including frequent ejaculation, and this would seriously inhibit his desire for sexual intercourse with a partner. Remedy: reduce or stop the masturbation, thus saving all sexual desire, energy and motivation for sex with a partner. | |
| | | Q. | Greetings! I am from Hyderabad , India, aged 28 years, unmarried guy. I have a problem. I am masturbating since 8 years on an average 4 times a week to the age of 21. Now I feel my penis has became narrow in the base and the penis size is drastically reduced. The girth and length were reduced and even if I have an erection I can’t last long. The erect penis size is only 10 cm. I am very frustrated and worrying a lot on this bad masturbating habit. My penis has also been bent to the left side with the habit of right hand masturbation. I am getting married in the coming year. Sir, I have lot of concerns on masturbation . You are contributing a lot to sexual medicine and health for humans. That’s why I have lot of belief on you. Why do doctors say that masturbation never reduces size of penis, weak erection and it is a healthy habit. See in my case I lost penis hardness which I had before. | |
| Ans. | It would be rare for someone to injure his penis during masturbation, but it is possible. Here are a couple of considerations.
If you were extremely rough with yourself, you could cause physical damage to the erectile tissue meaning that the tissue could no longer handle a change in blood supply, could no longer hold the blood intact for erection. Another scenario could be that you maintained the erection for too long. It is generally understood that keeping an erection over 2 hours can possibly cause damage to the erectile tissue.
Once this damage is inflicted, there is no reversal, no recovery. The penis then will, during erection, be misshapen, crooked, and not as hard as before the damage. In extreme cases no erection at all would be possible.
Consult your physician as soon as possible to have your penis checked for damage and possible therapy. | |
| | | Q. | My penis has a downward arc to it, across the entire length. I'm about 6.5" long, and about 5" circumference. This is fine for missionary position sex, but as far as rear entry, or standing face to face, it causes my wife's vagina to stretch more than normal, and is painful for her. I don’t want to do anything that hurts her, so we avoid doing these positions. I enjoy them, so I'm wondering is there any way to straighten my penis, or to help her not to experience pain? | |
| Ans. | Curved penises are quite common; in fact most penises have some curvature. If the curvature is more severe this is a known as Peyronie's Disease, named after a physician who first diagnosed it in the 1700s.
A penis can bend left, right, up (most common curvature) or down, and if the curvature is too severe this will cause problems during intercourse, such as discomfort for the female partner, or in extreme cases make intercourse impossible (this is rare). Peyronie’s Disease can cause discomfort and pain for the man, and if more serious can result in making erections difficult or impossible (because of the interference with blood supply to the erectile tissues). The man may also experience a loss of penile length and girth
The cause of this problem is not known, but may result from injury to the penis and the resulting scar tissue or plaque that forms during recovery. It is not currently believed that rough sex can cause this.
According to the Male Health Center “About one-third of cases get better within 18 months after the onset of the problem.” Read that entire article for mention of treatment options, e.g., a drug verapamil can be injected (may be covered by insurance plans) into the scar tissue, but this must be repeated approximately every two weeks. There is also a topical verapamil cream (expensive!) that has shown successful treatment results. Surgery, while possible, is apparently not a typical treatment option.http://www.malehealthcenter.com/c_peyronie.html
According to the Male Health Center this is how Peyronie’s Disease affects erection.
The penis is composed of three cylindrical cavities. The two on top are called the corpus cavernosa, and the one on the bottom is the corpus spongiosum, which contains the urethra (the tube that urine flows through).
The two top corporal cavities expand to trap and hold the blood that produces an erection in the male. The bottom body, corpus spongiosum, functions mainly for the passage of urine. Each of these corporal bodies is surrounded by a very elastic covering called the tunica albuginea.
On top of the two corporal cavernosa are the superficial nerves and blood vessels of the penis.
Why does the penis curve?
In Peyronie's disease, the elastic tissue of the tunica is replaced by scar tissue. Normally, with erection the elastic tissue of the penis expands and elongates symmetrically, resulting in a straight erection. Because the plaque is not elastic, but rather hard, it will not stretch with erection.
The disease starts as a small bump or constriction on the shaft of the penis below the skin, which expands to form a flat deposit that's sometimes as large as the diameter of a silver dollar. This plaque invades and replaces the elastic covering of the penis with inflexible material. When a man with Peyronie's has an erection, the plaque does not expand, so the penis curves. | |
| | | Q. | I keep having dreams of wanting my wife to have other men, threesomes or foursomes. Our sex life isn’t so good. I have ED and hardly ever get hard. Am I wrong for feeling like this? When I think of telling her I get aroused. I really think it would be a good idea but how would I go about telling her without her getting mad? | |
| Ans. | There is nothing wrong with or abnormal about your fantasies of your wife having sex with other men, including more than one man at a time. In fact this is one of the most common fantasies married men have. It is not as common for this to be the fantasy of wives, although it is probably not uncommon.
Quite aside from the issue you raise with ED, we generally encourage people to reveal their fantasies to their spouses. This requires you to become emotionally vulnerable and transparent with each other, in other words open your hearts to each other, something that surprisingly few married (or unmarried for that matter) people seem willing to do.
Considering your fear of talking to your wife about this, I recommend that part of the information you share with her is your fear and insecurity about mentioning this and your uncertainty about her possible reaction. Share this emotional information first and your fantasy second.
Erectile dysfunction (ED), the inability to get and/or maintain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse is a problem affecting large numbers of males around the world. There are so many possible causes, some physiological medical conditions, others psychological mental conditions.
I will point out a few websites that offer excellent in depth information for you to explore.
If you search Google for erectile dysfunction ED you get a large number of websites offering information about this condition.
Some that I would recommend as more reliable are these.
http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/men/reproductive/109.html
http://kidney.niddk.nih.gov/kudiseases/pubs/impotence/
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/erectile-dysfunction/DS00162
http://www.medicinenet.com/impotence_ed/article.htm
http://www.urologychannel.com/erectiledysfunction/index.shtml
I won't comment about the possible medical causes, but one of the most common psychological issues leading to ED is performance anxiety. Men want to be great lovers and this is quite natural. If you are going to be good at something, lovemaking is a wonderful thing to be great at. One of the big problems resulting from this desire to be a great lover is that you are liable to turn your lovemaking into a goal oriented project. The goal of course is to get to orgasm, but more than that, for both of you to get to orgasm at the same instant, to come together. This is a good thing to do, but making it a goal can be deadly. Two common problems result for men, one is ED and the other is premature ejaculation.
With Tantric and Taoist sacred lovemaking, there is no goal. There is a purpose, however and that purpose is union of the lovers and beyond that union with the divine. By removing the goal of getting to orgasm, both lovers learn to completely enjoy each other in what we call a “pleasure orientation” to lovemaking.
This primarily requires that you are both fully present in the lovemaking, and neither of you has in mind what comes next, in other words you don’t make your touching, cuddling, kissing, love talk, etc., into a means to an end, something only of value to get to the big "O" orgasm. Each touch, each eye contact, each kiss is complete and meaningful and full of pleasure in and of itself. You are not trying to get anywhere; there may or may not even be any sexual intercourse. In this way you remove all performance anxiety and it is quite likely, barring any medical complications, that you will find you are able to naturally become aroused and erect.
I suggest you consult your physician to have him rule out any medical conditions that may be causing your ED. He can treat any diagnosed problem. She might also recommend you try Viagra® or Cialis® two drugs that help men maintain firm erections. | |
| | | Q. | By sexual breathing I mean rocking my pelvis, using my PC muscles to circulate the energy, breathing in the same rhythm, and visualizing the energy all at the same time. This is supposed to move the energy away from the genitals and into the rest of the body, thus preventing ejaculation. Basically, I can do this fine for about 20 minutes, reaching high peaks of pleasure, but then the PC-pumps and breathing (and everything else) start to cause my excitement to RISE, rather than spread. My theory is that my PC muscle is weak as I've only been strengthening it for a week or so, and after 20 minutes of using it, it becomes unstable. I don't actually ejaculate, as I'm able to stop this, but only because I stop the sexual breathing. If I do manage to continue the sexual breathing after I've 'calmed down a bit, I find it difficult to get the erection back. | |
| Ans. | Keep up your practice and be patient with yourself. Try framing your practice in terms of moving and circulating the hot sexual energy rather than to stop the ejaculation.
To have an orgasm without ejaculating you must 1) remain relaxed throughout your entire body, with the exception of that particular muscle you are contracting to push or pump the energy away from the prostate up through the rest of your body, and 2) you must successfully move the hot sexual energy away from the prostrate up through the rest of your body.
By working the PC muscle (actually a group of muscles), the idea is not to make them incredibly strong. They do not have to be incredibly strong in order to move the energy, just strong enough, so the issue with you would not likely be that the PC muscle is weak. Basically, if you can stop the flow of urine mid-stream the PC muscle is strong enough. Certainly those muscles can become tired from continuous and repeated contractions, and 20 minutes is plenty long enough for even well toned muscles to become tired out. Try resting the PC muscle on and off in your practice if you want to pleasure yourself longer than the time it takes before you tire. Gradually you will be able to extend that time longer and longer. To rest the PC muscle does not mean that you must cease pleasuring yourself while you rest, but be vigilant not to allow your excitement to build too fast.
Eventually you will get to the point, when your body “gets it” where you will be able to move the energy wherever you place your attention, and do this without any physical squeezing at all, but this is a high level of mastery. It takes many, many, many repetitions before your body catches up to your knowledge, in other words your knowing mentally what to do and what can be done, will precede your actual skill at being able to do it. Successfully moving the energy typically takes months and sometimes years of practice, not just one week.
Your difficulty getting the erection back is undoubtedly because you are trying too hard, better to let the erection happen rather than trying to make it happen, surrender is much better than control in this matter. You are turning your practice into a goal oriented project. I suggest instead a pleasure/discovery orientation, which means you drop any expectations of what you think should happen, or what you want to happen (yesterday just because you know it is possible or that some men are able to do it), and watch for what does actually happen with you, and allow your mastery to develop organically with your repeated practice.
Follow up question
Thank you so much for your advice - it helped me out a lot.
Today I managed to last much longer, and experienced a number of dry orgasms before eventually slipping over the edge. (although, I was planning to finish around this time anyway seeing as I have work tomorrow!) My erection went again, but came back very quickly, and even remained once I started sexual breathing again, all because I just relaxed instead of wondering about it.
…it's amazing how much attitude plays a part.
I also tried taking breaks with the sexual breathing as you suggested, and I think it did wonders for my PC muscle not getting too tired.
One other thing, when I do this pleasuring practice, I tend to think of the most sexually arousing thing I can think of (my ultimate fantasy), in order to get myself to a high excitement level quickly, and then try to stay there. It seems to be working, but I would like to know if you think this is a good way to do it (as to learn self control under the most extreme sexual influences), or if it's better to build up to a high excitement level fairly slowly.
Or perhaps I should work on maintaining different levels of excitement at first. (seeing as I slipped over the edge today once I tried to maintain too high of a level)?
ANSWER
Experiment with going slow and going fast and find out for yourself what difference this makes, but I would suggest that in matters of sexual pleasure, slow is almost always superior to fast. Fast typically means quick to end, and when it comes to pleasure, this would seem like a silly bargain to make. Once you gain mastery over the ejaculation response, you will be able to delay ejaculation even under an extreme stimulus of pleasure. I recommend that you practice arousing yourself to a particular plateau of pleasure, then leveling off there and hanging out for a while. Allow your excitement and arousal to subside, so that it is more manageable, then resume your self-pleasuring and rise to another higher level. Once again plateau there for a while, etc. building up to higher and higher peaks of arousal.
Experiment ending your pleasuring without any ejaculation at all, discovering that you can go days, weeks, even months at a time without ejaculation. You have this wonderful and powerful energy to use for everything else in your life, and this can give you a serious competitive advantage in the world. By the way, once you learn to have orgasms without ejaculation, you will discover that you are not giving anything up by this practice, rather on the contrary gaining entry to a whole new world of sexual pleasure.
If your prostate becomes sore when you delay ejaculation in this way, it simply means that you have not successfully circulated the hot sexual energy up and away from your prostate. In that case allow yourself to ejaculate which will relieve all discomfort, and start your energy practices again. | |
| | | Q. | In my first go I cum while entering. I have extended the foreplay sessions but it doesn’t work. In my second go I take some time but still its short. Can you suggest some diet and exercise. I am a smoker too. | |
| Ans. | The most basic practice you need to start is PC squeezing. This simple exercise tones and strengthens the muscles involved in the ejaculation response. Practice sqeezing and holding the squeeze with the Pubococcegeus Muscle, the muscles in the genital area from the pubic bone back to the coccyx (tip of the tailbone). The action is like stopping the flow of urine midstream. Squeeze and hold for say, 5 seconds. Work up to doing say 100 repetitions per day, but take about 2 weeks to build up to doing that many so you don’t get sore. Practice any time during the day, e.g., when stopped at a red light, standing in line, etc.
In our eBook Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Sexual Mastery (Under $10), we offer a complete course of instruction in how to delay ejaculation.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ebooks.html#Ejaculation | |
| | | Q. | I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend. I've noticed since the very first time we had sex, his penis would shrink. It's weird because I don't think it's suppose to shrink while in the act. My question is: What's wrong with the shrinkage of his penis during sexual intercourse? | |
| Ans. | Most likely he is suffering from performance anxiety. This usually means that the man feels responsible for satisfying his woman and he becomes so preoccupied with thinking about that, he goes out of his body into his head and loses his erection. You must let him know that you are responsible for your own pleasure and orgasmic response, not him. This does not mean he is irrelevant, but only that he can’t do it for you. He can’t make you come. He can’t make you orgasmic, only you, the female, can do that for yourself. Of course it helps if he is knowledgeable, skilled, and attentive as a lover, if he goes slowly, and if he genuinely cares for and loves you.
The other issue is making sex into a goal oriented practice, i.e., it’s all about getting to orgasm. Ironically, if you both drop the goal of getting to orgasm, you will have lots more of them. Instead, replace the goal of getting to orgasm with the purpose of joining in sublime ecstatic union. Focus on giving and receiving pleasure. Be fully present in each moment, paying complete attention to each touch, each breath, each contact with the eyes. Let orgasm take care of itself. | |
| | | Q. | Is it possible to have sex again 5 min after ejaculating, and if it is, how could it be done? | |
| Ans. | All males have what is known as a refractory period; the time it takes after an ejaculation, before another erection is possible. The refractory time varies depending upon the man’s age, physical conditioning, health status, psychological factors, the presence of alcohol and drugs, the type of sexual stimulation available, etc. The more favorable these factors are, the shorter the refractory time, while the more adverse these factors are, the longer the refractory period. For many young males in good physical condition, with no health problems, no sexual psychological issues, not overindulging in stimulants such as alcohol and recreational or prescription drugs, well rested, and in the presence of sufficient sexual stimulation (for example with a lover), they can actually keep an erection after ejaculation if they move actively rather than become still. Many others can successfully regain another erection within minutes. A few men can do this for several ejaculations, but this is rare.
On the other hand, any man can learn to separate ejaculation from orgasm, thereby having orgasms without ejaculation. In this scenario, such a man can easily have any number of orgasms during a period of lovemaking extending over a period of hours. Such a man is a multi-orgasmic man. In this situation since there is no ejaculation, there is no refractory period. | |
| | | Q. | I'm a 16-year-old male and I started masturbating when I was ten. The first time I masturbated, semen did come out of my penis (a lot of it) and every time I masturbated, I would be able to achieve multiple and wet orgasms with no weakening of my erection and apparently no refractory period. I never knew the whole concept of a refractory period existed until relatively recently when I became baffled at why premature ejaculation was such a problem in sex (didn't know about the refractory period). After researching, I discovered that interval existed for men in which a man cannot ejaculate again immediately after ejaculating. I can have multiple ejaculations accompanied by orgasms numbering between 3-7 ejaculations/orgasms depending on the hiatus from when I last masturbated. The ejaculations would decline in wetness from the first to second and so on… First being the wettest and most "explosive" and the remainder being relatively dry though with ejaculation characterized by a throbbing penis and everything consistent with a typical ejaculation except with little to no semen. (The last orgasm/ejaculation would have little semen and the semen would be more clear.) I've tried researching for info on the web but I can’t find anything useful. How common is this condition of having an apparently nonexistent refractory period and what are the advantages and drawbacks of this "symptom". Any advice or cautions? Background information for this condition would be greatly appreciated. | |
| Ans. | Many men diligently practice for years to be able to do what you are describing happens without any effort at all. Be delighted with such a wonderful gift.
Tantric and Taoist sacred sexuality practices both emphasize delaying ejaculation for long periods of time, e.g., days, weeks and months between ejaculations, or at the extreme no ejaculation ever. We do not recommend this extreme position.
Our recommendation is for men to experiment with delaying ejaculation by learning how to circulate the hot sexual energy up through the body, away from the prostate. As this hot sexual energy rises through the body, all the higher chakra centers (centers of spiritual energy) open and men can experience ecstatic states of sexual pleasure throughout the body (not just in the genitals) and also a profound awakening and expansion of spiritual consciousness.
You may be moving the energy without realizing it. Usually if the energy stays stuck in the genital area, without the release of ejaculation, the prostate will become sore (think "blue balls"), but this discomfort will disappear with an ejaculation. You are probably avoiding this with your multiple ejaculatory orgasms. Try learning to move the energy, which if done successfully, results in your being able to have orgasms without ejaculation. This energy, if not spent in ejaculation, but rather circulated up through the body, then becomes available for other purposes, e.g. offering a serious competitive advantage is sports.
Use PC squeezing to move the energy. Squeeze the muscles in the genital area as if you were stopping the flow of urine mid-stream. As long as you move the hot sexual energy away from the prostate as fast as it builds during lovemaking, then you will not experience any prostate discomfort. If the prostate gets sore, it only means that it is time to let off the "pressure" with the squirt of ejaculation.
Most men experience a depletion of energy, e.g., they want to roll over and go to sleep after an ejaculation and will be completely wiped out if they attempt to have several ejaculations in a row within a short period of hours. Even if this is not the case with you, I recommend practicing delaying the ejaculation and reducing the total number of ejaculations over the next several months to see the effect. You can always go back to frequent ejaculations if you prefer after you have completed your experiment. | |
| | | Q. | My age is 39 years and I am married. I am suffering from sex problems from a long time. The details are given below: Sperm (very few), hand practice (from the age of 16 years and it continues after marriage also), small penis (Appx. 5 Inches- it is not enough for complete sex), bent left side in penis, penis is fat from front side and thin from backside, early discharge (only in 20 Seconds), no hardness in penis every time (very loose), when I am ready for sex my penis is hard and then I put on condom for sex before start intercourse the penis has become loose and I can’t have sex. Some liquid leaks from penis at the time of talking about sex, reading sexy books and seeing a blue film. Weakness after intercourse. I am very shameful in front of my life partner from a long time and my life is going onto divorce track. So you are requested to help me and given a best and effective formula of medicine and oil for these all problems. I will be very thankful to you in life. Thanks- A patient | |
| Ans. | Your condition is more serious than I could properly respond to in a short email message. The description of your condition reveals serious damage to the erectile tissues which hold blood during erection. I suggest you seek the help of a qualified physician immediately. Once the physical penis is properly diagnosed and the damage treated, then you can return with questions about ejaculation mastery, but your situations requires attention before we can suggest any practices regarding ejaculation mastery.
Here are a few additional comments.
Your penis is of average size. There is nothing wrong with a 5 inch penis; normally it would be quite sufficient for sexual intercourse, but in your case it is the malformation of the penis caused by the damage to the erectile tissues.
Weakness after intercourse is primarily caused by ejaculation, not intercourse. It may well have been some very rough handling during masturbation that has caused the damage to your penis (but this is speculation on my part and must be confirmed by a physician), and if your are frequently masturbating to include ejaculation, this would contribute to making it difficult to get erections during sex with your wife, and tiredness after sexual intercourse (including ejaculation). One thing to try immediately is to discontinue all masturbation, but most importantly stop having ejaculations during masturbation. This will enable you to regain some physical energy and sexual vitality.
In addition to this, make foreplay a much longer period of time (including everything leading up to but not including penetration – for example, approximately one hour of foreplay). If your wife is willing, have her massage your body, with particular attention to the large muscles of the legs (thighs), stomach, back and shoulders. This helps the muscles to relax and get blood and energy moving.
Start a regular practice of PC squeezing. This means squeeze the muscles of your genitals as if you were stopping the flow of urine midstream. Work up, over a period of say 2-3 weeks to doing about 100 squeezes per day, each squeeze lasting 5-7 seconds. Don’t try to squeeze as hard as you can, but be firm. | |
| | | Q. | My penis is 4.6 inches and I’m 18 and I’m scared to have sex with my girlfriend even though she really wants to. Please help me. I wish I could make it bigger | |
| Ans. | The average penis length is approximately 5-6 inches, so yours is only slightly shorter than average, but remember average means approximately half are below and half are above to arrive at that length. So you are certainly within a normal penis length range. I might also mention that your penis always looks shorter to yourself, because you are looking down at it from that particular angle. Furthermore, most women will tell you that it is not size that they care about (and if your woman really cares about that then I suggest you find a different woman. What really matters to the vast majority of women is how you use what you do have. The real challenge for you is not to change your penis size, a very difficult thing to do (perhaps impossible), but for you to learn the knowledge and skill to become a master lover. This is exactly what we teach men to do at our workshops and at our membership website. So stop worrying about your size and start learning how to be a great lover. | |
| | | Q. | I can orgasm fine by myself, but I have never been able to reach ejaculation with a partner. I enjoy sex completely, but obviously it puts a bit of a damper on things when I cannot fully climax. I am wondering why this is, and is this a common problem in men? I am 28 yrs. old and height/weight proportionate. | |
| Ans. | This is relatively uncommon, but certainly there are many other men experiencing a similar situation. Typically, it is a problem with men who have relied primarily on masturbation to reach an ejaculatory climax, and particularly if they become dependent or even addicted to watching porn as the primary way they become aroused. If this is your situation, you may try to gradually wean yourself away from masturbating while watching porn, and save your arousal and juice for when you are with a partner.
Another point worth mentioning, is that there certainly is no requirement to come to an ejaculation. In fact most forms of sacred sexuality practice, including both Tantric and Taoist, place emphasis on delaying the ejaculation, including sometimes for weeks or even months at a time. Note, this does not mean you don’t have orgasms, but rather that you learn to work with the sexual energy to separate orgasm from ejaculation, so you can have orgasms without ejaculation, and can also have multiple orgasms. Most men (but certainly not all) find the experience of orgasm without ejaculation, to be far superior to a simple ejaculation. | |
| | | Q. | Hi…I am ordering your SOUL SEX BOOK online today. I know this is a very personal question and I was wondering if your book address it? If a man can get erect and stay erect for a long time, but can’t ejaculate, what vitamin, etc., is he lacking? I know the problem can be emotional, but he is 63 years old, and if the problem is not emotional, then what is preventing the ejaculation. Does your book cover that? | |
| Ans. | Thanks for ordering our Soul Sex book.
http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Sex-Tantra-Pala-Copeland/dp/1564146642/4freedomsconsult
No, we do not address that problem in the book.
It is a relatively rare problem. By far, the more common problem is ejaculation too quickly.
When the prostate spasms that is the ejaculation response, but the entire genital area is involved, including the testicles, the penile shaft, etc.
I suggest a high quality Prostate Formula supplement to maintain the integrity of the prostate. This is available in any health food store, and should address any nutritional deficiency that may be involved.
The other thing I would mention is to stop trying to ejaculate. Stop treating this as a problem. It is really not a problem unless the male wants to impregnate a female, and at the age of 63, this is not likely to be an issue. Instead of trying to ejaculate for a few seconds of pleasure, I recommend learning how to circulate the accumulated hot sexual energy up through the body, using PC squeezing and visualization. Work up to approximately 100 PC squeezes per day. A PC squeeze involves tightening the muscles in the genital area as if you were stopping the flow of urine midstream. Simultaneously, visualize the hot sexual energy moving up from the genitals along the spinal column to the crown of the head, then back down the front of the body returning to the genitals. Success doing this may well result in his having an orgasm without any ejaculation, an experience most men consider far superior to any ordinary ejaculation. | |
| | | Q. | I masturbate around 3-4 times a week. I’ve got a girlfriend and we do have sex like every 2-3 weeks.and she does satisfy me alot. Don’t know why I still need to masturbate? My penis is a bit bent towards the left as well. Is this coz i masturbate? I also feel my penis size is not great but my girlfriend loves it and feels that it is massive. It’s about 5-6 inches | |
| Ans. | Your penis size is in the normal range, but it always looks smaller when looking down at your own penis. Look at it in a mirror to get a better impression. What matters is that your lady is happy with it and you know how to use it to make her happy.
Your frequency of lovemaking is pretty low. Since you mention this in the context of talking about masturbation, I am assuming that youmasturbate to ejaculation. Doing this 3-4 times per week will keep your libido (desire for sexual activity with your female partner) pretty much at zero. This is not a good thing if you are serious about your relationship and if you really care about her pleasure, her happiness and sexual fulfillment.
Experiment with no masturbation to ejaculation for one month and you will both notice a big change in your sexual desire, sexual vigor and sexual capacity. Then you can decide which you prefer, sex with your hand or sex with your lady. If you prefer sex with your hand, there is nothing wrong with that, but almost certainly there will be consequences, and that might well include your female partner losing interest in having sex with you and seeking a different partner elsewhere.
Yes, it is possible that frequent masturbation over a long period of time, especially if you were rough with yourself, that could cause damage to the erectile tissues in the penile shaft and this can result in a permanently crooked penis. | |
| | | Q. | Five and a half months ago I was hit in my penis glans during basketball, instead of someone reaching in to steal the ball, they hit the tip of my penis, kind of like a snap, or a "tipper". The next day I woke up and the glans was numb. This lasted for almost a week, and ever since sensation has been diminished. I have seen a urologist and a neurologist, both saying that they do not think that the nerve is severed, and that I need to give it more time and it should heal. I am just worried since it has been over 5 months. I cannot feel hot/cold temps and this is really scaring me. I just want my feeling back. It has gotten better, but barely. Please help. | |
| Ans. | Exercising the muscles in the anal/genital region, including the penis might help restore full function most rapidly. The pubococcygeus muscle(s) runs from the pubic mound around to the tip of the tailbone at the coccyx. Start by contracting these muscles as if you were stopping the flow of urine midstream.
Practice this for a few days to get used to using these muscles. If you overdo it, you might get sore, but that is typical muscle training and not dangerous. Then systematically try to isolate all the individual muscles that are located in this region and learn with repeated daily practice to squeeze or tighten just one muscle at a time, while all the others remain completely relaxed.
Here is an inventory of muscles you can learn to work with: lift the penis, pull the scrotum sac up tight to the body, contract the perineum (the spot between the testicles and the anus), contract or close the anus, tighten the right buttocks, the left buttocks, and finally the spot between the anus and the coccyx and the coccyx itself.
The key to mastery is that you learn to contract one muscle only at a time, while holding all others completely relaxed. Don’t allow yourself to get frustrated as this can take months of practice to be able to do this successfully. | |
| | | Q. | How should I prepare for first time masturbating? | |
| Ans. | Masturbation Ceremony for Women
If you haven’t already done so, take yourself on the Looking At Yourself through the Eyes of a Lover tour. Arrange a loving space for yourself—soft lighting, comfortable pillows, sensuous music, aromatic scents, and beautiful objects. Make sure you will not be disturbed for at least an hour. This is very important because getting out of your mind and into your body is a key to opening up to full sexual pleasure. If you are worried about being interrupted you won’t be able to let go into your play.
Approach your loving from the outside in—start with delicate strokes of your arms, face, neck, and thighs. Use your fingertips, a feather, and a piece of silk to lightly tantalize your tender skin. If it helps to arouse you, begin your self-loving with an erotic fantasy. But once you are turned on, let the fantasy go and focus on what is happening in your body. Remember, to fly free in sexual bliss you need to leave your “daily mind” behind.
Begin to massage your breasts, try a light touch with large circles—counterclockwise then clockwise and gradually increase the pressure. Move slowly in toward your nipples. Experiment with tweaking them, pulling them, gentling circling them until they are stiff and tingling. You may feel a direct line of heat from your breasts down to your genitals.
Trail one hand down across the flesh of your belly, reveling in the softness of your skin, its warmth and sensitivity. Feel your pulse racing beneath its surface. Flutter your hand across the fluffy bush of your pubic hair. Delight at its texture—is it thick and crinkly, long and fine? Is there a light dusting of hair or a full coarse bush?
Move gently to explore your vulva—the fleshy outer lips and the welcoming inner lips. Explore with delicate, tentative and awe-filled fingers. Find the clitoris—its hood, shaft, and glans. Slip your fingers gently past your perineum and on to your anus. Allow yourself to consider this “forbidden gate” as a source of potential pleasure.
Begin the dance of your fingers. Use plenty of good quality lubricant. Stimulate your clitoris, start slowly and build up speed and pressure. Try different spots—the sides and the head. Build your pleasure up and then slow it down. Tease yourself with loving playfulness. With your other hand continue to stroke your body or brush your nipples. Touch your heart chakra to deepen the connection between sex and loving.
Dip your fingers into your honey-pot. Squeeze your fingers with your ever-strengthening PC muscles. Moisten your fingers with your juices—smell them and taste them. There are many female aromas and tastes—tart, pungent, salty, and sweetish. Yours are uniquely you.
Increase the speed and pressure of your stimulation. When you find a stroke or combination that gives you particular pleasure continue it. If you have not had much experience with orgasm, if your clitoris does not seem particularly sensitive to stimulation you may want to experiment with a vibrator. Perhaps you may want to use one hand to stimulate your clitoris and the other inside your pulsing vagina. Or you may want to use a dildo for vaginal pleasure. Lightly tap the perineum as if you were pulsing out a rhythm on a fine hand drum. Circle your anus; teasingly insert a brave finger inside. Dare to feel everything you’ve dreamed of. Doing the Sexual Fire Breath as you love yourself will help to increase your pleasure.
As you practice self-pleasuring do not hurry to reach orgasmic release. You are your own lover—you have all the time in the world to come to bliss. Increasingly bring yourself to the edge of orgasm then slow down and practice the Passion Pump to move your energy through you. When you do go into orgasmic contraction use slow controlled breathing to ride the wave longer and longer. Your orgasms will increase in intensity and will move throughout your body rather than be centered in your genitals.
To complete your self-pleasuring ritual rest for a while, breathe deeply and enjoy the sensations coursing through your body. Thank yourself, aloud, for giving yourself this wondrous gift. Tell yourself, aloud, “I love you ” (speak your name).
Masturbation Ceremony for Men
Arrange a loving space for yourself—soft lighting, comfortable pillows, sensuous music, aromatic scents, and beautiful objects. Set the scene as if you were going to seduce the most desirable lover you have ever met. Make sure you will not be disturbed for at least an hour.
Approach your loving from the outside in—start with delicate strokes of your arms, face, neck, and thighs. Use your fingertips, a feather, or a piece of silk to lightly tantalize your hungry flesh, and gradually increase the pressure. This may be uncomfortable for some men because men are more accustomed to diving straight to the genitals and also to approaching their bodies with firm handling. But what you are doing is helping to arouse and excite your entire body, to make your whole body an erogenous zone, not just your genitals.
If it helps to arouse you, begin your self-loving with an erotic fantasy. But once you are turned on, let the fantasy go and focus on what is happening in your body. Remember to fly free in sexual bliss you need to leave your “daily mind” behind.
Caress, fondle, and tweak your nipples. Nipples are big turn-on zones for men too! Run your hands down over your belly. Stroke the inside of your thighs. Tease yourself a little before you latch onto “John Thomas”. Pull the crinkly hair of your pubis. Using plenty of good quality lubricant massage the muscles around the root of your penis and down into your strong inner thighs and the crease of your groin. Push on your perineum, feeling the spongy nut of your prostate under the skin, circle it with loving pressure first counterclockwise then clockwise. Trail your fingers to your anus, run them round the sensitive rim and allow a finger to move inside for exciting exploration. This can be very pleasurable and can help you learn the joy of surrender to penetration as well as being the active “penetrator”.
Caress your scrotum. Tickle your balls, pull them gently away from your body, and then increase the pull. Finally, move to your penis, your jade stalk, your golden rod. Stroke its full length and lightly squeeze its head. Vary the speed, length and pressure of your strokes. Try the “corkscrew”, gently twisting your penis as you pull it up and away from your body. At the same time twist and pull your scrotum down and away.
Remember to pay attention to the rest of your body. Run one hand up and down your belly, massage your ears (they’re full of highly sensitive spots), and suck on your fingers. To increase the connection between sex and loving, place one hand on your heart chakra and cradle your genitals with the other.
As you love yourself notice how your penis moves through distinct changes before orgasm and ejaculation—he is not just soft and then hard and spewing. Through attentive self-arousal you can learn how to stay for longer periods of time in the exciting, but less explosive, third stage of firm erection. When you feel yourself moving into the hard, hot level stop stimulation, relax and pay attention to your breathing. Breathe slowly and deeply. The first number of times you practice this you may need to apply the Penis Tip Squeeze. Later, add the Passion Pump to move the energy up through your body. Do not focus on stopping ejaculation, instead focus on moving that wild sexual energy up through your body. Run your hand(s) in stroking movements up over your belly and chest to your head and crown. Sound helps too—make lots of it. With practice you will be able to surf the intense wave of high sex energy for longer and longer periods of time without cresting over into ejaculation. If you do ejaculate enjoy it!
To complete your self-pleasuring ritual rest for a while, breathing deeply, and enjoy the sensations coursing through your body. Massage your perineum to help disburse any energy still congested there. Thank yourself, aloud, for giving yourself this wondrous gift. | |
| | | Q. | I had rough sex a couple of days ago and now I am having trouble controlling my urge to urinate. When I need to pee I have to run to the loo otherwise I wet myself. It doesn't hurt when I pee and I don't need to go more often than usual, but I think I've damaged the muscle? or whatever it is that stops you from wetting yourself! Shall I see a doctor or do you think it will heal? | |
| Ans. | It is the muscles of the pelvic floor, i.e., the Pubococcygeus (PC) mucle(s) that control the flow of urine. It is hard to imaging sex rough enough to damage those muscles, but anything is possible. In any case a daily sexual physical fitness practice would be appropriate.
Over the next two weeks work up to doing 200-300 PC squeezes per day. Don’t try to do them all at once, but over the course of the day, remember to do some, for example when you are driving, working on the computer, standing in line, attending a meeting, etc.
Squeeze as if you were stopping the flow of urine midstream. Hold the squeeze approximately 8 seconds, relax the squeeze and repeat.
This should strengthen the PC muscle sufficiently within one to two weeks so you no longer have this problem. If this is the correct diagnosis it would not take more than one month of continuous practice to reverse any damage that has been done.
It is probably not necessary to see a physician unless you begin to feel pain, in which case by all means see a doctor. Also, if not corrected within one month, see a doctor. | |
| | | Q. | Nowadays I’m not getting erection like the past, when in the age 16 or 17 I can get easily while even watching kissing scenes and hearing adult contents. Now I almost drinking liquor thrice a month and smoking cigars and chewing tobacco every day. I know my erectile dysfunction is due to these bad habits; am also obese. How can I overcome these? | |
| Ans. | I don’t know what your age is now, but loss of erection can be very noticeable starting around the age of 45-55 even for a man who does not have a lot of bad habits. Lots of bad habits, medical complications, and dysfunctional thinking can cause a man to have erection difficulties at any age. Since you have admitted to a number of circumstances known to interfere with erections, that would be a good place to start in order to reverse the problem and regain full healthy erection response.
1. Cut back on or preferably stop drinking alcohol.
2. Cut back on or preferably stop smoking tobacco products.
3. Reduce caffeine intake, or switch to green tea.
4. Lose some weight.
5. Reduce the frequency of ejaculation.
6. Reduce frequency of masturbation and if you do masturbate, stop short of ejaculation.
7. Learn methods for ejaculation mastery, so you can delay ejaculation or have it as desired.
8. Eat less red meat.
9. Eat more raw and cooked fruits and vegetables.
10.Add the following supplements available at quality health food stores:
- A high quality prostate formula
- A high quality libido/erection formula
- Chrysin 500 mg/day
- Indole-3-Carbinol 200 mg/day
- Bio-Dim 100 mg/day
- DHEA 25 mg/day
- Pregnenolone 10 mg/day
- CoQ1050 mg/day
- Omega Fatty Acids 2,000 mg/day
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