Questions About Awakening Female Orgasm |
| Q. | While my boyfriend gives me oral pleasure, my muscles (down there) tighten increasingly until I can't stand it any longer. They release, I feel a sort of 'shiver' and lots of fluids come out. It feels great. I then feel a tingling sensation (that isn’t very pleasurable) and so we have to stop. Is it an orgasm? Why does it feel like this afterwards? | |
| Ans. | Yes, you're having an orgasm. Orgasms come in many forms, especially for women. They range from little "shivers" to full-blown body-wracking quakes. You can learn to have many types of orgasms and have many of them.
Lots of women experience the same oversensitivity in their clitoris after having an orgasm that you've described. You can learn to go from one orgasm to another, without having to stop, if you try this simple practice. When your boyfriend is licking your clitoris and you have an orgasm, ask him to stop stimulating you while you're orgasming, but to keep his tongue in contact with your clitoris and to keep it still. After your 'shivering' stops, relax your body and breathe deeply. Then, he starts to lick your clitoris again–gently. The most important point is that he does not break the contact between his tongue and your clitoris. In this way you can learn to go on to a series of orgasms. You can also try this with self-pleasuring (with your own fingers) or with your partner stimulating you with his hands.
If you want to learn how to have really amazing orgasms of many kinds, our ebook "Awakening Women's Orgasm" will show you the way! You can check it out at our website: http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html | |
| | | Q. | I am a pretty conservative person and have never been on a sexually oriented website before. But I found yours to be so tasteful and informative. I am a 30 something female and just had my first orgasm when I was pregnant with my third child (a boy). I don't know if it was the testosterone running through my body from him, but I am thankful for it and mine and my husband’s sex life hasn't been the same since. But what I was wondering is, am I normal? Why did it take me so long to have an orgasm? I have asked some of my close friends and they say that they've had orgasms ever since they first started having sex. And also, I find it so hard to have an orgasm with my husband during lovemaking even though I get so close and he is the most loving and attentive lover and husband. I always have an orgasm through masturbation with a vibrator though. What am I doing wrong? I am hoping that you can give me an answer to these questions that have been troubling me for some time now. | |
| Ans. | First let me assure you that you are completely "normal". Many women have not experienced orgasm, or only have an orgasm occasionally. It's important to understand that orgasm is something that you learn to experience–it doesn't just happen because you have sex and all the body parts. To me that is very positive, because if you have the desire to experiment, then you can learn to have many kinds of orgasms.
For most women it is easiest to reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation especially through masturbation with a vibrator. In lovemaking with your husband show him how you like your clitoris touched. Also encourage him to experiment with oral sex. It is important for him to know that when he finds a touch or stroke or clitoral kissing/licking that is making you very excited and building you toward orgasm that he should keep doing it exactly the same way until you let him know to stop. Even a slight change can send your excitement and arousal back to zero!
It is difficult for most women to experience orgasm through intercourse alone–some reasons for this are:
- they aren't aroused enough for all the vaginal tissues to become thoroughly excited
- intercourse doesn't last long enough
- they aren't relaxed enough and fully present in their bodies to reach a place of orgasm
Experiment with stimulating your clitoris during intercourse–either you or your husband can do this. It is easiest to reach if you are in the woman on top position, sitting up.
Read our article "Freeing the Female Orgasm" for more information for both you and your husband.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
Also, consider our ebook "Awakening Your Orgasm."
http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html
Finally, our book "Soul Sex: Tantra for Two" also has lots of information for both women and men about learning to have a wonderful sexual life together.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/soulsex.html | |
| | | Q. | What are the different kinds of orgasm for women? Can a woman ejaculate? | |
| Ans. | This information is from our eBook "Awakening Women's Orgasm". It gives lots and lots of info for women and their partners on how to help women open up sexually.
Women can experience any number of many types of orgasm: clitoral orgasms, vaginal orgasms, ejaculatory orgasms, whole body orgasms, energy orgasms. Orgasms come in varying degrees of intensity, physical focus and duration. They can be a pleasurable little tingle or a body/mind/soul explosion. Some last for seconds, others minutes or even hours. While often stemming from genital stimulation, orgasms need not be confined to the genitals alone. Indeed as the following list of some types of orgasm shows—orgasms are available all over!
Some types of orgasm include: clitoral orgasm (by stimulating her clitoris), vaginal and g-spot orgasms (from stimulating inside the vagina either with figures, penis, or vibrator), blended orgasms (from both clitoral and vaginal stimulation), whole-body orgasm (she feels pleasurable waves throughout her whole body, not just in her genitals).
During an ejaculatory orgasm fluid is expelled through her urethra. This expulsion may be accompanied by intensely pleasing sensations or by a very minor little ruckus. The fluid, which can be quite copious, is not your regular sexual lubrication nor is it urine—even though the ejaculate comes out her urethra. Some women, mistakenly believing that it is urine become embarrassed, tense up and stop themselves from repeating the experience. If, during your lovemaking you ejaculate (not all women do) don’t fret about it, simply break out extra towels, relax and go with the flow! | |
| | | Q. | I cannot ever orgasm with penetrative sex – in fact I can only orgasm through masturbation and with only one method! This is where my whole lower body including groin and legs - feet etc. all have to become rigid and tense up completely and I only use clitoral stimulation on myself. I can only orgasm this way and they are amazing hard orgasms! but I`d like to have something similar with a partner! I have never found actual penetration that fulfilling ( even though I love sex ) and even if I was to open my legs wide and masturbate I cannot climax as I NEED to be tensed up! Can you offer any advise? Is this a common problem? I just find no pleasure when my legs are spread and open - only if I use a clitoral stimulating vibrator - I never internally stimulate myself as it does nothing for me. | |
| Ans. | My first suggestion–relax, both mentally and physically. First of all, it's great that you do have orgasms now–that's a big step. I believe that most women can learn to have many types of orgasm, you only need two things–permission and time. By permission I mean allowing yourself and supporting yourself to open fully to your orgasmic potential. By time I mean taking the time, either on your own or with a partner, to become aroused enough to have many orgasms.
You have taught yourself to have orgasm by tightening your body–this is what many women, myself included, first learned also. However, you can learn to experience more. In my own experience I've gone from first having clitoral orgasm through masturbation, then to sometimes having clitoral orgasm with a partner, then to multiple clitoral orgasms with a partner, and then on to many types of internal vaginal orgasm, g-spot orgasm and full body orgasm etc. This took years of learning and practice–fortunately it's fun practice! Many women I have worked with have learned to become multiply orgasmic as well. If you are indeed serious about learning to explore your orgasmic potential here are some suggestions. Once you've learned how to have more types of orgasm on your own you can show/tell/explain to a lover what to do.
- Read our article "Freeing the Female Orgasm." It will give you some good tips.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
- Explore some of Betty Dodson's teachings - she is probably the world's leading authority on masturbation. She has been helping women (and men) learn about their sexuality since the 1970s.
http://www.bettydodson.com/
Check out her amazing book: "Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving"
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0517886073/4freedomsconsult
She also has two very good videos that you will find helpful: "Selfloving" http://db.phenet.com/catalog/sinclair/product.html?collection=collections&code=1493
and "Celebrating Orgasm"
http://db.phenet.com/catalog/sinclair/product.html?collection=collections&code=1494 | |
| | | Q. | "As crazy as it may seem, I am in a wonderful relationship. Lucky for me my guy and I have the same sex drive, often! He introduced me to a vibrator. I am 43 years old and up until this point I had never used one before. Now, here is the serious part, I am obsessed with it. I can have multiple orgasms, 7-8 a day. I crave more and more. Do I have some type on disorder? And yes we have a great relationship, and yes I have orgasms with him; not that many without the vibrator." | |
| Ans. | Enjoy yourself! Don't fret about doing it "too much." If you want some positive reinforcement about the joys and blessings of self-pleasuring, check out Betty Dodson. She's a sexual pioneer who's been helping women learn to love themselves and their bodies for decades. http://www.bettydodson.com/ | |
| | | Q. | "How could my vaginal secretions go from yummy to yucky? It's tart, as my fiancé found out a few months ago. I checked and it's true. I went to my gynecologist for a pelvic exam including pap smear and they are normal. I couldn't bring myself to ask such an embarrassing question, face-to-face. Help, we can't bear the thought of doing without this pleasure. What's wrong with me?" | |
| Ans. | Yes, you certainly don't want to give up this oh-so-satisfying part of sex. So, here are some suggestions.
If you've checked with your doctor and are certain there's no infection of any kind, you can experiment with simple, specific additions to your diet to help balance your body's system:
- Eat plain yogurt with active bacteria, look for brands that have a symbol saying "live & active culture"
- Drink cranberry juice - the unsweetened kind from health food stores is better if you can get it
- Drink a glass of water with the juice of half a lemon in it every morning
Don't douche with preparations from pharmacies — "feminine hygiene" products — they're bad for you. Simply rinse your vagina with warm water, wash your outer lips, perineum, etc. with very mild soap.
Also, even though you don't show signs of a yeast infection, you may have an internal imbalance with candida albicans — an overgrowth of yeast within the body. You can find out more about this very common condition at:
http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/312/main.html
and, of course, with a Google search. | |
| | | Q. | I find with me I discharge a lot, I would like to know is there a way to stop it? And also I think my husband does not go down there often b/c of the smell and the taste, is there anything I can do to change it. I also find that when I have sex with my husband I don’t often have an orgasm, what can I do to increase it? | |
| Ans. | Do you mean that you discharge a lot during sex, when you're aroused? Or do you mean you discharge a lot all the time?
During lovemaking it's a good thing to have a lot of natural lubrication to make intercourse easier. This is slippery clear fluid.
Regular vaginal discharge shouldn't be offensive. If it has a bad odor, or is quite thick and yellowish, you may have an infection of some sort. Have you consulted a doctor?
Gentle washing of your genitals before sex should take care of any odors from urinating, sweat etc that may build up over the day. Don't use harsh soaps and don't use a douche. The vagina has natural bacteria that keeps it clean.
Diet can affect the smell of your body's secretions — stay away from highly refined foods. Eat lots of natural foods. Drink lots and lots of water.
If you want to become more orgasmic, consult our free articles such as "Freeing Female Orgasm"
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
I'd also highly recommend our ebook "Awakening Women's Orgasm" (only $9.95). With you and your husband following the steps in the ebook together, you'll find your way to orgasmic bliss!
http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html | |
| | | Q. | I'm a 19-year-old, single girl. I think about sex a lot. Sometimes I have a strong desire for it that makes me crazy! But I don't want to lose my virginity before marriage. Also masturbation is not acceptable in my religion. Please tell me what to do. I can't tolerate it anymore. | |
| Ans. | I empathize with your problem. Sexual desire is a very strong force and it's a good one too — without it there'd be no more people on the planet!
Although many religions say that masturbation is not a good thing, I think this comes mostly from the idea long ago that a man should not waste his seed. He should be using it for making children, not that the act of self-pleasuring is in itself a bad thing.
In ancient Eastern cultures masturbation was an acceptable practice that helped one learn about one's sexual arousal and as a pleasurable alternative to risking unwanted pregnancy. Also, the idea is that human bodies are microcosms of the universe, so that when one is making love to oneself, one is making love to the world.
However, if you really feel that masturbation is not something you can allow yourself to do because of shame and guilt, you can learn to work with your sexual energy and circulate it throughout your system as a healing and energizing force. This practice is good to continue when you become sexually active as well.
Try this:
When you are feeling sexually aroused (or even in unaroused states), squeeze your genital muscles, as if you had to go to the bathroom but were somewhere that you couldn't.
As you squeeze, take a slow breath and visualize sending the sensations you are feeling in your genitals up your back, along your spine, to the top of your head. You might picture a water wheel or a beam of light to help you.
Exhale and allow the energy to flow down the front of your body back to your genitals. Smile as you send the energy down the front, this will bathe your organs in loving light.
At first you may not feel the energy move in your system, but if you persevere you will notice something. You may feel pleasurable sensations. Don't look for anything in particular, just observe what happens.
This practice will take the edge off your sexual tension and will give you more energy for your daily life. | |
| | | Q. | I just wanted to know if there is anything thing I can do to help me get more sexually comfortable. My husband wants me to give him stripteases. Just the thought of that makes me super nervous and uncomfortable, I want to be able to striptease for him but its hard just to think about it. I also have a really hard time getting in the mood for sex, sometimes when my husband starts kissing me I feel anxious and claustrophobic. What do I need to do to be more sexually comfortable? | |
| Ans. | There's lots you can do to get more sexually comfortable, and the neat thing is that your husband can help you.
First, if you want to learn about erotic dancing you can check out this video: The Art of Exotic Dancing for Everyday Women. It’s a great way to learn about moving your body for your lover.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00005AMCO/4freedomsconsult
Second, it’s helpful to remember that men are very visual. They love to look at their women, especially when they are acting sexy. It’s a very interesting circle – if you can relax and move for him, he gets excited watching, you get excited dancing because he obviously thinks you’re fabulous, you’re able to relax and move more, he gets more aroused, and so on. Also, know that men aren’t nearly as critical as women are about the “perfection” of the body. They are really turned on by a woman who feels sexy and shows it, no matter if she’s a size 6 or a size 26.
Third, there’s a natural difference in arousal rates between men and women. Part of this is physical difference part is energetic difference. The main thing to know is that men get hotter faster than women. So, rather than you trying to speed up your arousal, your husband can learn to approach you a little more slowly. Check out our articles, particularly these two: Freeing The Female Orgasm and The Married Lovers’ Hot Bed for some great tips. You might also want to order our ebook: Awakening Women’s Orgasm
Freeing The Female Orgasm
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
The Married Lovers’ Hot Bed
http://www.tantra-sex.com/tantra-article3.html
Awakening Women’s Orgasm
http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html | |
| | | Q. | My sister and I were talking the other night and she asked me if I had ever heard about a woman having a "tickler". I told her I had not and asked what she was referring to. She told me that her husband had told her that there is a spot in her, that when he hits it, it tickles his head and makes him ejaculate immediately. I have been looking for the answer to this and have found nothing, but my guess is that it is her cervix. Can you please tell me what you think? I pride myself on knowing a lot about sex and I am always wanting to learn more. | |
| Ans. | I've never heard about a "tickler" before either. But I think you're probably right about it being the cervix and the area just behind where the cervix enters the vagina. Barbara Keesling, in her book Super Sexual Orgasm calls this spot the "cul de sac". There's also references to the power of this spot in the ancient Arabian love manual The Perfumed Garden.
When a woman is very aroused her vagina expands and lengthens. If she has a certain amount of control over her vaginal muscles she can push down, exposing this special spot to the head of her man's penis. It brings great pleasure to both partners. | |
| | | Q. | Sometimes I find I get wet for some unexplainable reasons. There is nothing sexual going or even thinking about sexual things but I find I can get wet for no reason what so ever at certain times. Could this be a sign of something else? If not what could cause this? | |
| Ans. | You don`t specify what kind of wetness, or how much. If it`s just clear lubrication this can have to do with all sorts of things, from your body responding to sensual stimuli, without sexy thoughts first, to fluctuations in your hormones as you go through your monthly menstrual cycle. Don`t fret about it. This is not unusual. | |
| | | Q. | I have never had an orgasm. I’ve got off but only orally. Why? | |
| Ans. | If you've "gotten off" with oral sex then you've definitely had an orgasm. Women can learn to experience many types of orgasms in many parts of their bodies. Orgasms that range from very mild sensations to out-of-this world wild. Orgasms from breast stimulation, orgasms from clitoral stimulation, varieties of vaginal orgasms from manual stimulation or intercourse, whole body orgasms and more. Basically you need to give yourself permission to learn to experience all the sexual pleasure you can and then you need the time to do it. It takes a while for most women to become aroused enough to experience all the orgasms they are capable of.
Because orgasm is something women learn to do, I'd suggest you read this article Freeing the Female Orgasm. We wrote it for a man’s magazine so it’s from a male point of view, but it has lots of great info. http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
You may also be interested in our ebook Awakening Women’s Orgasm. It has lots of fabulous ideas, practices, and exercises to do on your own and with a partner.http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html | |
| | | Q. | So the male doesn’t ejaculate and the female does, right? And they both move the sexual energies to higher chakras? My girlfriend can’t orgasm so I’m hoping this is right. What does the female do to not get tired after cumming? Does guiding energy upward prevent this or is it the males job to give the proper energy? | |
| Ans. | The ideal is for the male to make ejaculation voluntary rather than what is so common, that is, premature, before one or both of the lovers is ready for it. This is a problem since ejaculation typically ends the lovemaking, and unfortunately this is almost certainly before the female partner is fully satisfied. Female ejaculation is definitely something women can learn to do.
Both men and woman can have multiple orgasms, but the man must learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation in order to have multiple orgasms. By having an orgasm without ejaculation, the man does not lose his erection or his libido (desire). He stays ready, eager and able to continue on with the lovemaking. Once he can do this the lovemaking can last for hours, rather than the few minutes that is more common.
The key to extending the lovemaking in this way is for both lovers to learn to cultivate (increase) and circulate the hot sexual energy up away from the genitals through the rest of the body. This awakens the higher chakra energy centers and creates the condition necessary for the couple to experience mutual sexual spiritual ecstasy. Both lovers must learn to raise this energy and eventually you can learn to exchange it between you during your coupling.
The responsibility for going to higher spiritual ecstatic states is equal with both lovers. Neither of you can be responsible for the experience the other one has. Your only responsibility to each other is to undertake the disciplined learning necessary to develop sexual skill and mastery of the hot sexual energy.
To help your female partner continue with the lovemaking after a first clitoral orgasm, stop and become completely still, but maintain the lightest possible contact with the clitoris and, say for example, your tongue. Then wait perhaps 30-60 seconds and try to start moving again, but notice carefully her response. If she is ready, go ahead, if not stop and wait again. Repeat until she is ready to proceed. Don’t break the contact or it will be very difficult to continue. | |
| | | Q. | My boyfriend doesn't know how to give me an orgasm yet but I still love the way he plays with my body. Lately, I learned how to masturbate. I loved it and it is as if I cannot live a day without doing it. I wanted to let my boyfriend see me doing it but I don't have that confidence yet. For me, masturbating is a way for relieving stress. I have watched a few sex videos where a woman masturbated with a lot of juice coming out from her. In my case, I am satisfied but there was only a little juice. Is that normal? Why others masturbate just like when you make an orange juice? I mean its like squeezing like an orange. | |
| Ans. | There are many ways to masturbate (make love to oneself) just as there are many ways to make love with another.
Through self-pleasuring (masturbation) and through lovemaking with a partner women can learn to have many types of orgasms. Orgasms can be experienced not only in the genitals (clitoris and inside the vagina, like the g-spot) but also throughout the body (breasts, earlobes, and so on).
Self-pleasuring and partner lovemaking can bring not only great physical pleasure but also can bring great emotional connection and spiritual awakening.
Sexual desire is a very powerful force. Masturbation can be a way to work with your sexual energy, not just a as a tension release.
You can find lots of good information about women and orgasm in this free article "Freeing the Female Orgasm" which we wrote originally for Urban Male Magazine.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
Our ebook "Awakening Women's Orgasm" ($9.95) goes into much more detail, for both you and your boyfriend. You can find out more about it here. http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html
I wish you much joy as you explore your sexual awakening. | |
| | | Q. | Me and my bf have beenn in a relationship for four months now. We have sex almost everyday except for when im in my period. We never use a condom or any sort of protection but he always comes outside, and i dont have any complains about that. The problem im facing is that i never cum but when we do it i feel like im going to explode with pleasure. He always comes when the pleasure has reached its maximum.I really dont understand why that happens,could u please explain and advice me? | |
| Ans. | I'm glad you're enjoying making love with your boyfriend, it is a beautiful thing to share. You can learn to have orgasms. You can learn to have many of them and many different kinds. Women are different than men, men mostly have orgasms with ejaculation and feel it in primarily in their genitals. Women, on the other hand, can have orgasms in many ways and in many parts of our bodies.
Here is a really good article that we wrote for a men's magazine. It's called "Freeing Female Orgasm" and it gives both of you good ideas on how to help you learn to have orgasms. http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
Also we have an ebook ($9.95) that goes into a lot more detail about women and orgasms. It's called Awakening Women's Orgasms". You can find out more about it here. http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html
Lastly, you say you aren't using a condom. Are you on the birth control pill? Are you protected in any way? It is very, very easy to get pregnant, even if you boyfriend pulls out before he comes some sperm can be released before that. Plus, with unprotected sex there is a very great danger of STIs, sexually transmitted infections. Show how much you care for him — protect each other! | |
| | | Q. | Is licking pussy necessary in sex? | |
| Ans. | Cunnilingus is oral sex for a woman's pleasure. Contact with the mouth and the yoni (Sanskrit for the female genitals) including the vulva (external labia—the folds of tissue at the vaginal opening) and the vaginal canal (inside of the yoni) using lips and tongue can bring great pleasure and arousal to most women. For many women it is through cunnilingus that they are most easily orgasmic.
Also, most men love to have their faces at the yoni for several reasons. One, female pheromones called Copulins (chemical sexual attractants) are produced by women primarily at the yoni. These Copulins are registered in the male nose. Second, one of the biggest turn-ons for a man is how turned on and how pleased his lady is. Third, most male lovers rather enjoy the sensations of licking and sucking at the yoni, in other words this practice typically gives men great pleasure through all five senses (taste, smell, see, touch, and hear).
A fully sexually aroused woman’s genitals taste, smell, look, and feel amazingly wonderful, and the sounds she makes while you are pleasing her can drive a man to orgasm by itself alone.
So, while it is not required, no man could be considered a great lover without skill in performing cunnilingus. | |
| | | Q. | I try to give my girlfriend oral stimulation but she turns me away, Why is that? She is clean down there and it doesn’t smell weird, she just says that she feels weird. Any insight? | |
| Ans. | Many women feel embarrassed or ashamed about their genitals. Most of us have gotten the message that our vaginas are smelly, dirty, and ugly. Some of us have gotten past that feeling, others haven't.
Some suggestions:
Talk to her about her feelings, ask her if she can let you know why she feels "weird".
Reassure her that you think she is lovely, sexy, and desirable — in every part of her body and mind and that she'll still be a "good person" if she allows herself to enjoy oral sex.
Tell her that for most women, one of the easiest ways to come to orgasm is by gentle stimulation of the clitoris with the tongue. The tongue is ideally suited to bring the clitoris pleasure because of its moisture, flexibility and texture
Tell her also that there are chemical attractants in male and female animals (including human beings) called pheromones. Although they aren't actually odors, we do register these pheromones through our noses. Most of women's pheromones (called copulins) are produced in the vagina. So let her know that it is very natural for you to want to have your face there at her vagina — that's how you pick up her unique feminine aroma.
Ask her if she would let you explore her vagina with loving care and respect — with gentle looks and touches.
Get a copy of the "Vagina Monologues" by Eve Ensler and watch it together. It will help you both understand how women feel about this sacred part of their bodies.
Read this article about "Freeing Women's Orgasm" — it will give you both tips for pleasure. http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
You are to be commended for helping her learn to love her body and to receive pleasure from it. She may continue to be shy for a while, but once you help her get past it she'll be very happy! | |
| | | Q. | I hadn’t had sex in 7 years and when I did the first time I had a small amount of blood. The second time a week later, there was a lot of blood evidently during and after, but tapered to nothing the next day. I am worried about this. Could u please answer? Thank you. | |
| Ans. | There can be any number of reasons why you are experiencing vaginal bleeding after intercourse.
You don't say how old you are, but if you are menopausal and haven't had intercourse or vaginal penetration for 7 years it could simply be a matter of vaginal tissues becoming thin and dry and easily damaged (especially if intercourse is vigorous and prolonged). Make sure you are very well-lubricated for intercourse. There are many good quality organic lubricants available to add to your own body's natural lubricant, I suggest brands like Pink Silicone, JO Women, Capotain's, Hathor.
Also, if you haven't been doing them, start doing PC squeezes (Kegel) exercises every day, no matter what your age. They help keep vaginal muscles and tissues supple and strong. See below for instructions, in case you aren't sure how to do them.
You might also want to start using a vaginal exerciser. These are objects such as egg-shapes, wand shapes that are inserted into the vagina and used to help your vagina stay strong and healthy and used to penetration (or become so). To give you an idea, you can see a selection of these at this great women's shop Good For Her.http://goodforher.com/shop/home.php?cat=49
Besides lack of use and/or aging, you could have other physical causes for the bleeding, such as polyps. I'd suggest you see a doctor for a gynecological exam right away.
I wish you all the best and hope you're enjoying your rediscovered sexual life. There's an article we've written about women and orgasm that might interest you as well as an ebook on the same subject
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html
The PC Pump
The pelvic floor muscles surround the anus, genitals, and urethra and provide support for the reproductive organs.
The PC or pubococcygeous muscle (pronounced pew-bo-cox-e-g-us) is part of this muscle group. At first when you are practicing the PC Pump you may involuntarily contract the abdominal muscles and the anus, too, because you are unable to differentiate between the muscles. But with practice you can detect and isolate the PC muscle while allowing other muscles to stay relaxed. You will be able to isolate and move the many different muscles within your entire genital area. Keeping all the muscles surrounding your internal organs toned and tight helps prevent fallen organs. It helps relax you. Practicing it while making love it will greatly heighten sensation for both you and your partner.
Pulsing:
1.Inhale, contracting the PC muscle, keeping the rest of your body relaxed, especially your shoulders.
2.As you hold your breath, relax and then tighten the PC muscle in quick, short pulsations.
3.Exhale and relax the PC muscle.
4.Repeat for several minutes using your natural rhythm of breathing, so that you get a feeling that your muscles are fluttering. Do this 25-30 times a day and work up to 200 per day.
Pumping:
1.Tighten the PC muscle as you inhale and hold for the count of six seconds.
2.Exhale, relax the PC muscle and gently bear down.
3.Repeat this sequence for several minutes.
The Elevator:
This exercise includes more of the muscles in the whole muscle group.
1.While sitting or lying on your back, take a deep breath and pretend you are riding an elevator.
2.Start in at the bottom floor with an anal contraction, move forward along the muscles, tightening up individual muscles until you reach the “top” floor.
3.Then gradually relax the muscles, “floor by floor”, until you return to the bottom floor.
4.Repeat this trip 6 times, 3 times a day.
As with any exercise we need to develop a regular habit of giving our PC muscles a work-out. So to begin with, consciously set aside a time of day to do these: in the morning as you shower, on the bus as you travel to school or work, as part of your regular exercise routine (if you have one). Soon it will be something you’ll automatically begin to do anytime. You can do these anywhere and no one can tell! | |
| | | Q. | I’m 24 years old and have two kids. During sex I get really wet at the start and mid way through it I’m dry like the desert and it turns my husband off right away. This leads to him asking if I’m cheating on him which i would never do. My question is how do I stay wet the whole time? | |
| Ans. | There can be a number of reasons why your lubrication vanishes — you say you start out wet, then dry up. These can be physical (for instance after childbirth, due to hormonal changes) They can also be emotional. Are you staying excited? Or, do you lose your desire part way through? Do you kiss, caress, a lot or is it just intercourse? Are you distracted by thoughts? Does your husband help you to have an orgasm with external stimulation (eg oral sex or manual clitoral stimulation) before intercourse? Read this article on women and orgasm to give you some tips: "Freeing Female Orgasm"
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ummwinter00.html
We also have a detailed ebook "Awakening Women's Orgasm"
http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html
Also, lots of sex educators recommend using lubricants during intercourse. It helps to keep things smooth and slippery for both of you. During extended intercourse, with lots of friction of penis on vagina, it's common for some dryness to set in.
Good For Her, a fabulous women's sex store and education center says: "Lubricants are a must! Whether you are looking to increase the slippery slide of sex or masturbation or to relieve vaginal dryness due to menopause, aging, childbirth, medical conditions or other factors - lubes are here to save the day. From underwater adventures to increasing everyday slick sensations, lubricants can make good sex great, and great sex out of this world!"
Some good lubricants are made by; Astroglide, BodyWise, BioGlide, Hathor, JO Women. | |
| | | Q. | How do women ejaculate? Just as men do, by, expulsing semen out of their vagina? | |
| Ans. | Women ejaculate differently than men.
Stimulation of the G-spot (a sensitive area on the upper wall of the vagina, about 1 1/2 to 2 inches inside) can lead to an ejaculation. Although there is still some disagreement about it by doctors and scientists, it's generally accepted that there are a series of small glands in the spongy tissue there (para-urethral glands) which during sexual excitement produce a clear, milky fluid. Rubbing this area when you are highly excited can bring on an orgasm that's accompanied by fluid spurting out from the urethra. There can be a lot of fluid or only a little bit. It can taste slightly sweet or salty.
Sometimes women feel like they have to urinate as they are approaching G-spot orgasm. But the fluid that comes out during an ejaculatory orgasm is not urine. | |
| | | Q. | Do ladies often have wet dreams? | |
| Ans. | If a wet dream for a woman is understood to mean that they have an orgasm, then yes it is common for women to have orgasms while having erotic dreams.
In 1953, Alfred Kinsey, Ph.D., the famous sexuality researcher, found that nearly 40 percent of the 5,628 women he interviewed experienced at least one nocturnal orgasm (orgasms during sleep), or "wet dream," by the time they were forty-five years old. A smaller study published in the Journal of Sex Research in 1986 found that 85 percent of the women who had experienced nocturnal orgasms had done so by the age of twenty-one… some even before they turned thirteen. In addition, women who have orgasms during sleep usually have them several times a year.
---www.goaskalice.columbia.edu
It's estimated that by age 45, 40 percent of all women have had a nocturnal orgasm at least once, compared to 80 percent of males. Fewer than 10 percent of women, compared to 50 percent of males, report having nocturnal orgasms more than five times a year. Men often experience their first orgasm during a wet dream, but women rarely have nocturnal orgasms until they have had orgasm by some other means first.
---www.straightdope.com
If a wet dream for a woman is when a woman ejaculates, this would be quite rare, but not unheard of. For men, an orgasm typically includes an ejaculation, i.e., emission of semen. But for woman, an orgasm does not typically include any ejaculation of fluids. Such ejaculation of fluids is quite distinct from the normal lubrication and wetness that usually accompanies a female orgasm. When a woman ejaculates, a quantity of fluid is squirted from the urethra, sometimes forcefully and in substantial quantities. This fluid is not urine, even though it is expelled from the urethra, as is urine. For example, this fluid dries without leaving a mark. Female orgasms accompanied by an ejaculation are becoming more common for women, although still a small minority of women have them, so having them spontaneously during erotic dreaming would be something very few women have ever experienced. I know of no research on this, so there are no actual numbers to supply. | |
| | | Q. | My girlfriend is in love with me and wants me to marry her, but what makes her sad always is that I have a short penis and I can’t go deep. Please, I need other ways and steps which I can make her attain orgasm fast. | |
| Ans. | Be clear on whether the problem is your own perception and feelings about your penis, or if this message is really coming from your partner.
There is no real evidence that penis size is the most critical factor in sexual satisfaction for a woman. In your question you include your desire to “make her attain orgasm fast.” This could be a big part of the problem rather than a solution to it.
Here are a few pointers.
1. Slow down. Slow wayyyyyyyyyyyyy dowwwwwwwwwwwwn!
2. Drop the performance goal of trying to get to orgasm and focus on giving and receiving pleasure over a period of hours rather than trying to conclude your lovemaking in a few minutes.
3. Make sure there is a deep emotional connection. Make sure she knows how much you care for, love and adore her. Make this actual and real, not pretend.
4. Take a very long lead up, or foreplay, before there is any attempt at penetration. How long? At least 20 minutes, preferably an hour or more.
5. Try to assist and encourage your partner to have a clitoral orgasm before there is any intercourse.
6. Learn techniques of ejaculation mastery, so you can delay your ejaculation over a period of hours, during which there can be several sessions of intercourse, rather than having intercourse be one time leading quickly to ejaculation.
Doing these things will ensure that her vagina is ready for penetration including activation of the g-spot as well as all of the many other super-sensitive orgasmic spots within the vaginal canal. She must be juicy and well lubricated before any attempt at penetration. This is one indication that the vagina is ready.
Deep penetration is not required for a woman to have massive orgasms with intercourse.
However, many women do appreciate full penetration all the way to the cervix at the very back or bottom of the vagina. If your partner is one of these, here are a couple of options to help please her in that way.
Love Extender Ticklers – Add approximately 3 inches!
http://www.sextoyfun.com/prod_info.php?a=a455p35&pnum=PD2403-99
CyberSkin Penis Extension
Wear during intercourse. Enhances penis length by 3 inches and girth (thickness) by.25 inches.
http://www.sextoyfun.com/prod_info.php?a=a455p35&pnum=CNVXR-TS127
Invisi-rider Girth (thickness) Enhancer
http://www.sextoyfun.com/prod_info.php?a=a455p35&pnum=CNVELD-SE1623-10
There are a huge number and variety of dildo and vibrator products available. Here are some links to follow to select from among this abundance of options. In your case be sure to get just the right one to suit your partners desire. You may have to try several before you get exactly the best one (or several different ones).
Dildos
http://www.sextoyfun.com/search.php?a=a455p35&ser_key=dildos
Vibrators
http://www.sextoyfun.com/search.php?a=a455p35&ser_key=vibrators
One of the very best vibrators is the Eroscillator.
http://www.sextoyfun.com/prod_info.php?a=a455p35&pnum=CNVXR-VF737 | |
| | | Q. | How can a woman tighten the vaginal canal after childbirth? | |
| Ans. | There are exercises a woman can do to tone and strengthen the vaginal muscles. These are commonly known as Kegels, named after a California physician who in the late 1940s and early 1950s prescribed the exercise for women suffering from incontinence. The exercises also proved to be of great value to women in preparation for and recovery from child birth. And women started to notice that they had more orgasms after doing these exercises.
The exercise, which we call PC squeezing (PC stands for pubococcygeus - the musculature around the genitals), involves squeezing or tightening the muscles in the vaginal area of the body. To start a woman would squeeze as if she were going to stop the flow of urine in mid stream. She would squeeze and hold these muscles for say 5 seconds, then relax the squeeze. She would continue to breath normally as possible as she does this squeeze and relax action, building up to doing say 100 squeezes per day. She should not try to do 100 the first day or she will become sore. Take approximately 2 weeks to build up to doing 100 per day. Then continue this practice daily to maintain muscle strength, toning and pleasure sensitivity.
After she has been doing 100 PC squeezes per day, then she can progress onto gaining mastery over the internal vaginal muscles. There are rings of muscle extending from the vaginal opening, all the way back to the cervix. With practice she can learn to contract these muscles one at a time, flowing in an undulating wave action from front to back to front, etc. If her male lover is inside her while she does this it can be most excellent pleasure for him. | |
| | | Q. | My girlfriend and I are interested in using a dildo, although I am concerned with getting one bigger than me. She says it’s not an issue, but I still feel slightly insecure. And now that using a big dildo is on her mind I think we will eventually have to get one. What would you do? | |
| Ans. | By all means explore the use of the dildo together. She can also use it alone of course.
So many men make the simple error of judgment that size is what really matters, though I would wager a guess that if you ask them what size, they could not actually tell you. Perhaps they would just say, bigger than I am. What really matters is a match between the woman and the man. One aspect of a match, the ideal aspect, would be if the size the man's lingam was exactly the size of the woman's vagina. This is a nice bonus if you happen to have that, but I don't know of anyone who ever put that as a requirement for relationship happiness.
The more important meaning of a match between a man and woman regarding genital size, is how they match up whatever the sizes are. For example, if the man is small and the woman large, you want to use positions for sexual intercourse that allow deep penetration. Also, it would be very important to make sure the woman has one or even better, a number of clitoral orgasms, before there is any penetration with the penis. Once a woman has had one or more clitoral orgasms, the entire vaginal canal becomes awakened to orgasm, including the g-spot, but also any number of other sensitive spots anywhere within the vaginal canal.
Regarding the g-spot, you probably already know that it is located only approximately 1-2 inches inside the vaginal canal, so even the shortest penis on record would reach it with the proper angle. So use sexual intercourse positions that put you into contact with the g-spot.
Then there is pleasuring her with your fingers, and of course your mouth. Learning how to touch her properly with your fingers and learning the fine art of cunnilingus (oral sex), you can bring her to have many orgasms including clitoral, g-spot and other deep vaginal orgasms and ejaculatory orgasms, without ever penetrating her with your penis. The use of a dildo is only an additional way to pleasure her, i.e., if you insert the dildo for her.
If you have learned the skills of a great lover, and have mastered your ejaculation response, i.e., learned how to make ejaculation voluntary so you only ejaculate when you are both ready, then the size of your penis will be understood to be of little concern.
I hope you get the idea by now, it is how you use what you have rather than how much you have. Even more important than that, it is most fundamentally about emotional connection, being fully present in the now moment during lovemaking (not in your head worrying about the size of your penis), giving and receiving pleasure, and about freely and unconditionally giving and receiving love.
Here are some resources to help you learn about different sexual positions and ejaculation mastery.
EBooks
Tantra and Kama Sutra Sexual Positions eBook
http://www.tantra-sex.com/KamaSutraPositions.html
Kama Sutra Sexual Positions with Liberator Shapes eBook
http://www.tantra-sex.com/ebooks.html#LibShapes
Voluntary Ejaculation and Male Multiple Orgasm eBook
http://www.tantra-sex.com/EjaculationMastery.html
Published Books
Soul Sex: Tantra for Two
http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Sex-Tantra-Pala-Copeland/dp/1564146642/4freedomsconsult
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Supercharged Sex with the Kama Sutra
http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Supercharged-Illustrated/dp/1592575749/4freedomsconsult
Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul
http://www.amazon.com/Sensual-Love-Secrets-Couples-Freedoms/dp/0738709654/4freedomsconsult
28 Days to Ecstasy for Couples: Tantra Step by Step
http://www.amazon.com/28-Days-Ecstasy-Couples-Tantra/dp/0738709999/4freedomsconsult | |
| | | Q. | When I give my lady a complete yoni massage then she becomes emotional. Why? | |
| Ans. | For most women sex and love are almost always closely connected. For them any sexual act is an expression of love, either a giving or receiving of love, or sometimes a search for it. For some men, sexual acts can be completely disconnected from any emotional feelings, a purely physical activity with no emotional significance. I am guessing that is the case with you because of how you worded the question. For such a man, it may be, and often is the case, that their heart will open to feeling emotions, affection and love only after a satisfying sexual encounter including an ejaculation. For some unfortunate men (and for their unfortunate women) they won’t allow themselves to feel anything, ever, even after great physical sex. | |
| | | Q. | I am 20 years old. I lost my virginity at the age of 19. How come I don’t get wet when me and my boyfriend foreplay? I used to always get wet before but ever since I lost my virginity I don’t get wet anymore. my vagina is even dry while we have sex. Why is that? is there anything I can do about it? | |
| Ans. | There can be a number of reasons why you aren't experiencing as much lubrication as you like or as you were used to. There's a wide range of "normal" amounts of lubrication. Every woman is different and will experience a range in vaginal lubrication during her lifetime.
1.Harsh soaps or douches can dry tender skin. Don't douche and use only very mild soap for washing externally. Your vagina cleans itself naturally inside.
2.You may be allergic to chemicals in your laundry soap or if you use scented toilet paper, etc. Chlorine in swimming pools can cause dryness and kill helpful bacteria in your vagina so that you might get vaginal infections.
3.You may have a skin condition that is causing your dryness — check with your doctor.
4.Are you dry throughout the whole length of your vagina? Sometimes juices gather at the back of the vagina. If you're lying on your back it may be gathering there. Check with a finger and, if you are wet deep inside, spread some forward and out onto your lips.
5.Make sure you are keeping your whole body hydrated — drink lots of water!
6.Are you relaxed and excited during your lovemaking? Or are you stressed and feeling guilty? Do you spend enough time on foreplay (kissing, caressing, and so on) to get really aroused? Your vagina needs time to relax, expand, and start to release its juices. If you are rushing things, or trying to get wet, you'll be stressed and probably experience the opposite of what you're wishing for. Endeavor to take it easy. Enjoy each touch, each kiss and allow your excitement to build on its own, without pressure. Switch to a pleasure orientation in your sex, rather than a goal orientation.
7.For occasional dryness try water-based lubricants like K-Y Jelly or Surgilube.
8.Do "Kegel" exercises or PC Pumping to increase the strength, sensitivity and elasticity of your vagina. This is a very important exercise that all women should do every day! Here's a basic outline:
The easiest way to begin learning PC Pumping is to pretend you are trying to stop your flow of urine in midstream, or that you have to go to the bathroom but are somewhere you can’t—squeeze the muscles you’d use.
1.Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
2.Inhale slowly through your nose.
3.When you’ve completed your inhale, squeeze your PC muscles.
4.Keep the PC muscles flexed as you exhale slowly through your nose.
5.When you’ve exhaled completely, relax your PC muscles.
6.Repeat 14 more times. Inhale. Flex PC muscles. Exhale. Relax PC muscles.
At first you may find you tighten other muscles as well as your PC muscles—your belly, your shoulders, your jaw. As you gain mastery in your practice, you will eventually be able to keep the rest of your body relaxed while contracting only very specific muscles in your genitals. | |
| | | Q. | I want to squirt but only ooze. Is there anything I can do? | |
| Ans. | One possibility is that you are ejaculating too frequently for your body to recover fully and prepare for the next one. Experiment with delaying ejaculation for several days, perhaps even a week, to see if this changes things for you. Typically, fewer ejaculations results in more forceful (i.e., squirting) ejaculations. | |
| | | Q. | I am 39 and have experienced squirting orgasms for the past 5 months. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and he would say "You can get there" and so we tried like hell ! Fun , and worth it . But now I can have multiple . I have had at least 9 in one night . I could easily go more but I like to give him a rest . Even though he’d never complain . At 1st I thought, “am I peeing ?” But after talking to my doc and having no scent or color , I realize its def not . My question is this . Since I have so many and have on occasion passed out for a few secs , can any harm be done ? I mean , it feels incredible, and after, even though I’m absolutely drained, I’m also giddy and flushed. Can this hurt my insides in anyway? Can it throw off a woman’s body chemistry temporarily? Anything? I guess I’m looking for a green light to go till I fall fast asleep. Lol, but I need to be certain it’s not harming me in anyway . | |
| Ans. | Hey, go for it girl. Orgasms are good for you. They reduce stress, promote relaxation, and release lots of wonderful happy-mood endorphins into your system. Another product of orgasm is oxytocin "the bonding hormone" — it makes you love the one you're with and want to come back for more.
You might experience discomfort afterward if you are stimulated roughly. Just like rubbing any part of the body over and over again — all that friction can make tissues tender. But vaginal tissues are remarkably elastic and resilient, so that tenderness usually disappears quickly.
In my own experience, multiple orgasms of all kinds, clitoral, ejaculatory, full-body etc. have only ever been beneficial! Now that you can easily have g-spot orgasms, take a look at our ebook "Awakening Women's Orgasm" to find out about even more avenues to pleasure.
http://www.tantra-sex.com/womenorgasm.html | |
| | | Q. | How should I prepare for first time masturbating? | |
| Ans. | Masturbation Ceremony for Women
If you haven’t already done so, take yourself on the Looking At Yourself through the Eyes of a Lover tour. Arrange a loving space for yourself—soft lighting, comfortable pillows, sensuous music, aromatic scents, and beautiful objects. Make sure you will not be disturbed for at least an hour. This is very important because getting out of your mind and into your body is a key to opening up to full sexual pleasure. If you are worried about being interrupted you won’t be able to let go into your play.
Approach your loving from the outside in—start with delicate strokes of your arms, face, neck, and thighs. Use your fingertips, a feather, and a piece of silk to lightly tantalize your tender skin. If it helps to arouse you, begin your self-loving with an erotic fantasy. But once you are turned on, let the fantasy go and focus on what is happening in your body. Remember, to fly free in sexual bliss you need to leave your “daily mind” behind.
Begin to massage your breasts, try a light touch with large circles—counterclockwise then clockwise and gradually increase the pressure. Move slowly in toward your nipples. Experiment with tweaking them, pulling them, gentling circling them until they are stiff and tingling. You may feel a direct line of heat from your breasts down to your genitals.
Trail one hand down across the flesh of your belly, reveling in the softness of your skin, its warmth and sensitivity. Feel your pulse racing beneath its surface. Flutter your hand across the fluffy bush of your pubic hair. Delight at its texture—is it thick and crinkly, long and fine? Is there a light dusting of hair or a full coarse bush?
Move gently to explore your vulva—the fleshy outer lips and the welcoming inner lips. Explore with delicate, tentative and awe-filled fingers. Find the clitoris—its hood, shaft, and glans. Slip your fingers gently past your perineum and on to your anus. Allow yourself to consider this “forbidden gate” as a source of potential pleasure.
Begin the dance of your fingers. Use plenty of good quality lubricant. Stimulate your clitoris, start slowly and build up speed and pressure. Try different spots—the sides and the head. Build your pleasure up and then slow it down. Tease yourself with loving playfulness. With your other hand continue to stroke your body or brush your nipples. Touch your heart chakra to deepen the connection between sex and loving.
Dip your fingers into your honey-pot. Squeeze your fingers with your ever-strengthening PC muscles. Moisten your fingers with your juices—smell them and taste them. There are many female aromas and tastes—tart, pungent, salty, and sweetish. Yours are uniquely you.
Increase the speed and pressure of your stimulation. When you find a stroke or combination that gives you particular pleasure continue it. If you have not had much experience with orgasm, if your clitoris does not seem particularly sensitive to stimulation you may want to experiment with a vibrator. Perhaps you may want to use one hand to stimulate your clitoris and the other inside your pulsing vagina. Or you may want to use a dildo for vaginal pleasure. Lightly tap the perineum as if you were pulsing out a rhythm on a fine hand drum. Circle your anus; teasingly insert a brave finger inside. Dare to feel everything you’ve dreamed of. Doing the Sexual Fire Breath as you love yourself will help to increase your pleasure.
As you practice self-pleasuring do not hurry to reach orgasmic release. You are your own lover—you have all the time in the world to come to bliss. Increasingly bring yourself to the edge of orgasm then slow down and practice the Passion Pump to move your energy through you. When you do go into orgasmic contraction use slow controlled breathing to ride the wave longer and longer. Your orgasms will increase in intensity and will move throughout your body rather than be centered in your genitals.
To complete your self-pleasuring ritual rest for a while, breathe deeply and enjoy the sensations coursing through your body. Thank yourself, aloud, for giving yourself this wondrous gift. Tell yourself, aloud, “I love you ” (speak your name).
Masturbation Ceremony for Men
Arrange a loving space for yourself—soft lighting, comfortable pillows, sensuous music, aromatic scents, and beautiful objects. Set the scene as if you were going to seduce the most desirable lover you have ever met. Make sure you will not be disturbed for at least an hour.
Approach your loving from the outside in—start with delicate strokes of your arms, face, neck, and thighs. Use your fingertips, a feather, or a piece of silk to lightly tantalize your hungry flesh, and gradually increase the pressure. This may be uncomfortable for some men because men are more accustomed to diving straight to the genitals and also to approaching their bodies with firm handling. But what you are doing is helping to arouse and excite your entire body, to make your whole body an erogenous zone, not just your genitals.
If it helps to arouse you, begin your self-loving with an erotic fantasy. But once you are turned on, let the fantasy go and focus on what is happening in your body. Remember to fly free in sexual bliss you need to leave your “daily mind” behind.
Caress, fondle, and tweak your nipples. Nipples are big turn-on zones for men too! Run your hands down over your belly. Stroke the inside of your thighs. Tease yourself a little before you latch onto “John Thomas”. Pull the crinkly hair of your pubis. Using plenty of good quality lubricant massage the muscles around the root of your penis and down into your strong inner thighs and the crease of your groin. Push on your perineum, feeling the spongy nut of your prostate under the skin, circle it with loving pressure first counterclockwise then clockwise. Trail your fingers to your anus, run them round the sensitive rim and allow a finger to move inside for exciting exploration. This can be very pleasurable and can help you learn the joy of surrender to penetration as well as being the active “penetrator”.
Caress your scrotum. Tickle your balls, pull them gently away from your body, and then increase the pull. Finally, move to your penis, your jade stalk, your golden rod. Stroke its full length and lightly squeeze its head. Vary the speed, length and pressure of your strokes. Try the “corkscrew”, gently twisting your penis as you pull it up and away from your body. At the same time twist and pull your scrotum down and away.
Remember to pay attention to the rest of your body. Run one hand up and down your belly, massage your ears (they’re full of highly sensitive spots), and suck on your fingers. To increase the connection between sex and loving, place one hand on your heart chakra and cradle your genitals with the other.
As you love yourself notice how your penis moves through distinct changes before orgasm and ejaculation—he is not just soft and then hard and spewing. Through attentive self-arousal you can learn how to stay for longer periods of time in the exciting, but less explosive, third stage of firm erection. When you feel yourself moving into the hard, hot level stop stimulation, relax and pay attention to your breathing. Breathe slowly and deeply. The first number of times you practice this you may need to apply the Penis Tip Squeeze. Later, add the Passion Pump to move the energy up through your body. Do not focus on stopping ejaculation, instead focus on moving that wild sexual energy up through your body. Run your hand(s) in stroking movements up over your belly and chest to your head and crown. Sound helps too—make lots of it. With practice you will be able to surf the intense wave of high sex energy for longer and longer periods of time without cresting over into ejaculation. If you do ejaculate enjoy it!
To complete your self-pleasuring ritual rest for a while, breathing deeply, and enjoy the sensations coursing through your body. Massage your perineum to help disburse any energy still congested there. Thank yourself, aloud, for giving yourself this wondrous gift. | |
| | | Q. | It has recently come to my attention that I am a "whore." Honestly, I don’t care what people think or me because I am all about doing what you want regardless of others' judgments. But, is it really bad for women to have casual sex? I mean I know guys that do it all the time and they do not get a bad reputation for it. I guess my question here is, “Is it okay to have sex without being emotionally attached to someone? | |
| Ans. | Of course, it's okay to have sex without emotional attachment. However, there should always be respect and consideration. Allow yourself to be true and real in your encounters. Make sure you are connecting with your partner, not just using them for your own purposes. Make sure you are having sex because you really want to have sex, not to fulfill some other need, like self-worth, control etc. | |
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