With the toilet seat scale Weigh yourself each time you sit down on the toilet, before and after!

Here is what Spike has to say about this remarkable tool that no one can live without. Get yours today!

The toilet seat scale is a uniquely male device. It measures to a tenth of a pound exactly how much of your latest mighty feast is evacuating your bowels in real time. Next time you say, “I feel 5.8 pounds lighter,” my friend, you won’t be lying.

Dropping the deuce is rightly-revered part of the male experience. It proves that a man is healthy and functioning. Sometimes it proves he’s been eating an appropriate man-diet of red meat, gravy, and moonshine. Sometimes it’s painful, sometimes it’s exalted, and sometimes it’s messy. Inasmuch, it is a metaphor for a man’s life.

When I was a younger man, I joined a varsity sports team midseason. The young men on the team were wary – they’d not formed the fraternal bonds of sport with me. Their bonds were forged in sweat and blood. And, in an instant, I created those bonds by posing a question which strikes at the very heart of a man’s existence: "Sir, would you rather take a really good dump, or have really terrible sex?"

Ok, well if you can do without this fabulous toilet seat, I bet you won’t be able to resist this remarkable hands-free high tech toilet from Japan, the Intelligence Toilet II.

It's a weigh-scale, a BMI, blood sugar and blood pressure monitor, is networked to your PC and yes, features "urine temperature measurement and analysis"—ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Toto Intelligence Toilet II.

It's the sequel to the original Intelligence Toilet, which has been tracking and graphing the health of the 10,000 or so lucky souls who have purchased one since 2005, according to Toto. Like the original, the Intelligence Toilet II takes all kinds of readings from your urine, which are then organized into Wii Fit style charts and graphs on your PC via Wi-Fi. It's unclear what all is new aside from the aforementioned temperature monitoring, which can help women keep track of their menstruation cycles, but if you're going to import a crazy Japanese toilet, this is clearly the one.

Price: Approximately $10,000 USD. A bargain at such a low price, for such an essential item. We get no commission! We just had to tell you about this product which surely will speed you along your path to enlightenment. Foes of constipation unite!