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Spiritual Deep Dive

How to Prepare for Anal Sex, According to Experts | Shape

  1. Experiment on your own.

If you’ve never touched an anus before, it may feel foreign. Here’s what to expect: “You’ll feel two muscles contract around your finger: the external sphincter which you can contract and release at will, and the internal sphincter, which is an involuntary muscle, meaning it’s controlled by the autonomic nervous system,” says O’Reilly.

“Before you even consider putting something in someone else’s butt, be sure to explore your own butt,” says Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., a sexologist and host of the podcast Sex With Dr. Jess. “If you’re not comfortable putting a finger in your own butt or exploring with a toy you are not prepared to penetrate another person’s butt, and vice-versa.”

“Then, practice squeezing the external sphincter around your finger and allow it to release (like you’re pushing something out of your butt),” she says. When you’re comfortable, you can slide the finger a little farther to feel the internal sphincter. Then, practice breathing slowly; you should feel it release slightly. (While you’re at it, try these other masturbation tips for a mind-blowing solo session.)

Making your rear part of your masturbation session(s) will not only boost your confidence and comfort with anal play, but it’ll also help you learn your peach from a new ~dimension~. One good approach: Start with your go-to solo-sex moves. Then, lube up a fingertip and experiment with touch. “The chemical shifts that take place during arousal can help these muscles relax so that you can slide a finger inside,” says O’Reilly. (Related: Is It Possible To Use A Vibrator Too Much?)

  1. Maybe use an enema.

Turns out, an enema (the introducing liquid through the anus and into the large intestine to clear the bowels) is absolutely *not* a must to prepare for anal sex, says Sinclair. “But if you want to take extra precautions beyond a baby wipe or soap and water—which are definitely sufficient—you can use an enema for a deeper, more comprehensive clean.”

You can buy a disposable enema kit (sometimes called a “hot water bottle and syringe kit”) at your local pharmacy which will include a hot water bottle, a hose, a plug, and a rectal tip. Most disposable kits come with a laxative or saline solution; dump this out (it’s not necessary) and then rinse the bottle. About an hour before play, lubricate the tip (~foreshadowing~), either sit on the toilet or tub, insert the nozzle into your bum, and then squeeze the water into the hole. “Hold the water for 10 to 15 seconds, then expel it into the toilet. Repeat this until all the water being released is clear,” says Sinclair.

Note: “If you continue to use enemas regularly, there are risks related to muscle function and an imbalance of the electrolytes,” says O’Reilly. “I generally don’t believe they’re necessary.”

3.Don’t forget steps 1, 2, and 3.

So you and your partner have consensually agreed that tonight’s the night for anal sex. That isn’t a green light to pass “Go” (read: foreplay) and collect $200 (read: anal). Just as you warmed your bod up during your solo anal exploration, you want to be warmed up to prepare for anal sex too.

“Get yourself riled up using the techniques you normally use,” says O’Reilly. “Better yet, have an orgasm first…Your body is most responsive to pleasure and primed for arousal when your endorphin and oxytocin levels are elevated post-orgasm.”

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